So confused about this one. What do these comments mean? I have been dating a man for 9 months...

Dating for 9 months. Says he isn't ready for a relationship (seems this word bothers him for some reason). Everything is awesome about this situation. We completely connect, same humor, same values, same ideas, unusually a lot in common, great sex. Distance is a small issue but hasn't gotten in the way. Spend time at his place, mostly weekends. Everything is going great, especially these last three months. Last week, he confused a phrase I said with me ditching him. I called and told him to "get his things out of my car!" (They had been piling up for weeks.) He gets his things (we work on the same campus) and I don't hear from him for three days. I call him and he says he thought I had made a decision to move on because I asked him to get his things. Then he starts to go on about the "not ready for a relationship yet" conversation. Totally blows me away, didn't see it coming at all. Says he just got out of one (2 years ago). The phone call makes absolutely no sense to me. I haven't made contact since then because he has made me uncomfortable and confused. Not even a week before that we are talking about the possibility in the future of even living together. He talked about how he felt he could fall in love with me. I have to add, that during the last phone call I did tell him I loved him. This was the first time I had ever said this but the week before he said he felt like I was in love with him that's where the mention that he felt he could fall in love with me came from. This man has made me crazy. Not sure I can continue with these constant ups and downs withhim. I told him, every time we get really good, he has to stomp it. Like he has to put it back in control. Help, I need some opinions!


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What Guys Said 1

  • Sounds like you blew him out of the water. He probably got scared from misinterpreting what you said and made a reacted by thinking he should move on. He might not like the idea of getting back together because he learned how bad it hurt to think you left him and he doesn't want to have to do it again if it happens for real.

    Hope you can work it out.

    • Thank you so much for responding. Funny, knowing him, I was somewhat on the same page as your statement. When I brought that to his attention he completely shut down. I couldn't imagine you would give up because you felt hurt but again its the man vs. woman mind frame (and this is why I ask the guys these questions). Have a feeling he may be gone for awhile. He generally goes off my lead but as much as I love him, I would like to see a little action on his part.

What Girls Said 1

  • whenever there is a "distance" with you and a guy, that's a big red flag. Its a red flag, bcs men need to "trust" a woman. That's the equivalent of him giving you his heart. When he trusts you . This guy has had a wall up for all of the 9 mos you have been together. How else could he just leave--no questions asked, when you asked him to pick up his things? He's not connected to you. you need to find out what's standing in the way b4 you pickup with him again.