We met, he disappeared, never explained. I asked if I shouldn't contact him, no answer. Why not take 5 min to say so?

Will make this short. A guy said he liked me, I was the most beautiful woman etc. We met and then he disappeared. He didn't bother to explain anything to me. I sent him a few nice messages, but he didn't respond. I asked if he wanted me not to contact him anymore but he didn't respond to that either. I feel so stupid, like a clueless stalker. Maybe he didn't want me to contact him, but he never said that, and unfortunately I am not good at reading between the lines. Maybe I was supposed to understand something, but sorry, I didn't, and a nice man would at least communicate. No matter what the situation was he could have at least tell me not to write to him. Was I not even worthy of 5 minutes of his time for him to tell me that.

I will add this: 3 months later he sent me a message saying he would like to see me again, and when I responded he acted in exactly the same way, cold and uninterested, like if I was the one initiating the contact again.
Please, guys and girls, don't think I am totally stupid. I was not raised to have good self esteem, and later on ran into negative situations as a teenager. I am not complaining, just hoping for understanding. Sometimes it is difficult for me to see and understand when I am being treated poorly. So I am learning. That is why I am sharing on this forum and asking the questions.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow. Well one thing is for sure. This guy is a dick. A total dick, and therefor not worth your time.

    Thing is, though, I have no idea how to answer this one. I mean if the genders were reversed, I'd swear he was playing the old "leave her and ignore her until she gets the hint and leaves me alone" game that women play on men, all the fucking time. But I don't see that in men very often. Still it's not impossible. Either way, this kinda reminds me of a movie title. "He's just not that into you" specifically.

    Look he left you, didn't come back, shows absolutely no sign of interest, doesn't bother to return your calls. If he had any interest, I think he would have done something by now. You don't have to feel stupid though. I mean seriously, at least you made an effort. So you can at least tell yourself at the end of the day, that this is not your fault. Just forget about him, and move on, maybe find someone else, if you want, but this guy was not worthy.

    You'll be alright.

    • Thank you. I didn't mention that 3 months later he sent me a message saying he would like to see me again. And then I responded, he acted in exactly the same way.

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    • LOL, thanks for the support and for making me laugh :) kick him in the nuts! I wouldn't be surprised if few months later he would write to me again when got bored. I have definitely learned a lot from all of these replies.

    • I was actually (partly) serious about his nuts. but yeah I'm glad you're learning. Stick with this site, read stuff, give answers, get points, buy books, yadda yadda... I'm getting distracted here... Anyway, stick with this site, and be active, and you'll learn a lot on here.


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What Guys Said 4

  • Him not responding to you wasn't because he didn't think that you aren't worthy of an explanation, it's because he's wasn't brave enough to tell you how he felt(or didn't feel). Some guys will stand up to each other to the end, but those very guys would rather flee from a woman rather than tell her they're not into her, unfortunately.

    • Thanks. It is kind of painful to believe that he was not into me, especially after beautiful words he said. He said I was the most beautiful woman he has seen in his life, and that he would give everything up for me. But when I responded, he acted completely opposite, like a totally different person. Cranky, unhappy, preoccupied with his problems. So, it was very confusing to me.

    • Try not to let it get to you. Look, maybe there was some interest, maybe there wasn't, but don't think about that. Just take away that you got beautiful compliments, try to believe them as true, but no matter what, for what he did, just kick him the hell out of your life, and never look back. You tried, he didn't, he's not worth it.

    • A lot of people will feed you bs. You probably have to get to know someone better before you can know if they are trustworthy.

  • He's likely pursuing a lot of women and he became more interested in another girl. Other than that who knows. People are dishonest game players so you just gotta roll your eyes (in your mind cause it's not worth the energy to physically move them).

  • Well you said it all. Not a nice man.

    • Thank you. It seems to me that it would be easier to simply write "dont contact me anymore" rather than receiving messages and ignoring them.

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    • I gave attention to him because he wrote beautiful words to me, and that made me feel like a beautiful woman. And after that I just kept getting more and more confused by the way he acted with me. I kept hoping that he was going to become nice to me, just like he sounded nice in the beginning.

    • Any guy can say nice things to get a girls attention. Doesn't take away from the FACT... that he's an a-hole. If a guy says beautiful things and then treats you like crap, the latter should be the deal breaker.

  • May be he was abducted by aliens... After doing some research they set him free.. Then he messaged you .. Again angry aliens abducted him...?;);) Lol... Honey.. If he is not interested then let him go.. He is not an oxygen.. You can live without him...


What Girls Said 1

  • Aww and you sound so nice too, you know what you're doing. Some people aren't very considerate.

    • Thank you. This situation negatively affected my self esteem. Made me feel like I am not good enough.

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    • Look, I know it can really suck when this stuff happens, but please understand, that there are a lot of horrible people in the dating scene. Sure they're not all bad, but you can occasionally run into jerks like that guy, and when you do, it could easily have nothing to do with you. Sometimes it really is simple as writing him off as the A-Hole he is, or the shallow bastard he might easily have been. But on the plus side, remember, he did say you were beautiful. He was right about that. ;D

    • :) You're doing good. I think we all see that this guy was just a one off that was just genuinely bad, playing around, can't get his act together. I doubt it has anything to do with your personality as such. He left and tried to come back later, that's rather shifty.

      I'd stay away from guys like that in the future too, there are some things you just don't put up with.