If I keep getting turned down because I'm african American what should I do?

I come from a pretty small town and most of my group of friends ended up going to the same college but it's in a different area. a few separated and went up north or to the west coast but most of us decided to go to the same school. A majority of the school is white with a small African American population and a very low Asian and latino population. so far I have asked out 5 guys I thought were interested in me and they all politely turned me down and told me they don't date colored women or African American women. that's OK I get it, but I would love to start dating since I never got around to it in college. the few black men at the school are dating white women so I can't really turn to them and I think the Asians here are females as well as the latinos being females. this area is pretty small and there is no big town near, so meeting tons of new people won't exactly be possible. I'm not ghetto or stereotypical if that matters and in fact, the group of friends I came here with are white lol

advice?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I mean there's nothing you really can do. where are you from? I'm curious. You could just transfer to a more diverse, open, liberal city. that's the best fix for this kind of thing - location. you may just live in a more conservative or homogenous place that isn't extremely conducive to black on white interracial dating, specifically with black women. we are usually the ones left out of the "options for interracial dating" list anyway. its nothing new but I understand that it doesn't make it any less frustrating if you can't get anyone to like you.

    looks matter a lot though. in some places, when they are open to dating us, its a specific type of black girl or a few specific types. I've noticed that this type changes between suburban/predominantly white locations and multiracial, diverse, large cities. anyway.

    Id just say focus on being you and growing as a person, focus on your studies, etc. so you can have options to travel (study abroad or after college) or transfer to a school in a large, liberal, diverse city. I had a friend who went to a predominantly white private school (like me lol) and she felt that she didn't like white men, she didn't trust them and she felt like she wasn't even on their radar when it came to attractiveness. then she studied abroad in Europe, she went to spain, and she had white guys trying to date her and hook up with her left and right. like a lot of them. and she's very dark skinned, she had braids in while she was in Europe, and she's tall and pretty curvy. so setting can make all the difference. you can't really make people like you if they are so against dating a black woman. you can't change that and honestly why would you want those people? but you can focus on putting your best foot forward, letting your personality shine, not letting this get to you, focus on living life and doing well in school AND maybe studying abroad or transferring or waiting to move after you graduate.

    just a side note - having white friends doesn't mean you're not ghetto. I've known lots of ghetto white people or "white trash" as my friends call them.

    i like white guys a lot but they don't like me. not because I'm black, there are a lot of black women who date white guys at my school and I have friends who are white who have made it clear that they would or have dated black girls. I'm just overweight. very pretty, nice hair, but overweight. I actually had a white guy tell me to my face, "youre gorgeous but if I'm being honest with you, you could lose 20 or 40 pounds." and then I was forced to flip him the bird. so if you're not slim, that may be a reason. even when I notice the skin color preference generally changing from location to location (for example, a lot of white guys in cities like medium to dark skinned black girls, also not in my favor ) that's a constant - there will be exceptions but when white guys go for black girls its usually a girl who is very thin or slim and curvy.

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What Guys Said 2

  • If the guys you approach aren't interested in dating etc because of who you are it really is better than you know that in advance. I won't comment on the racial stuff but it is important that you find someone who is comfy with who you are .

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  • Sounds like a more skewed girl to guy ratio than skin color preferences. Trust me, in the big cities where it is painfully the opposite to your situation, most guys won't discriminate on small things like that.

    If I were you I would travel, or move.

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What Girls Said 8

  • Are you sure that's the reason though? I wouldn't think they're all just judging you for your skin color (some for sure but not all). For the time being, try to work hard in school and be involved on campus in different organizations, volunteer events, outings with friends...You might meet someone that way. And if it doesn't work out, you can always move to a bigger city later...that's what I will do. I'm from a small town, and I've realized it's just not for me!

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  • Wait for him to ask you out or try actually asking guys who like you out.

    Normally, if a white guy is open to IR dating, he'll approach.

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  • Sorry to here that

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  • Hopefully thing will change for the bettter summer has better oppurtunities

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  • Date guy friends

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  • Maybe date guys in that city -take a bus ride or train ride I'm sorry to hear guys are ignorant a-holes like that

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  • If you ever get the answer to this, please share! Haha

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  • Some white guys don't like black girl hair or that ghetto attitude.

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