Online dating... does it work?

So I've been on this online dating thing on and off for almost two years. Went to a handful of dates. None of them led anywhere really. I found that either you like somebody, and she doesn't, or they like you, but you don't. And all that talk of match is more mismatch. Most girls I start talking to just do that: talk. At times, this whole thing just feels like homework, so I do take breaks. I've a descent job, I'm finishing my Master's, and I'm in good financial health. Yet, I haven't been in a serious relationship in two years, though I was sleeping with one of my roommates for a while (just FWB)... Girls I slept with tell me I'm cute, funny, smart, etc.. but I still can find anyone I can date for real. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is it normal to take this long? Ladies, what's your take?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • my experience with online dating: there are 10,000 girls 100,000 guys 100 hot girls and 100,000 guys who email them every day...kind of pointless.

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What Girls Said 8

  • i joined pof too but I haven't been taking it seriously. some guys just look at my pics and then write me commenting on the way that I look and they don't even read my about me section and when I check their profile and read what they wrote, I can see that we would not be very compatible anway even if they messaged me based on my about me info, so I don't bother to write them back. I have been on a handful of dates and yes I have also found that I might be interested in a guy but he is not really sure what he is looking for so we don't go on a second date and then I have had it the other way around where I wasn't interested in the guy but he asked me for another date and kept texting me and I had already lost interest.

    i suppose if you are looking for love then it would only work if you meet someone else who is looking for love.

    alot of people say online dating doesn't work, or just get frustrated but I think they have the idea that you can get on there and just pick the perfect person so that they can use them for whatever they want wether it be for sex or companionship, like its a catalog or something, but the reality is, these people are real people and I honestly think it works just the same as if I met a guy in real life the only difference is that you already know if the guy is single or taken without having to ask him, he could be a very great guy but we are just not looking for the same things. He might want just sex and fun and I want commitment.

    so yes online dating is a great tool to connect you with another person but once you have made that connection it is all up to the wonders of the universe

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  • I've tried online dating as well and have had no luck either. Being a female I do find that the majority of males out there are just looking for one thing - and it isn't a relationship. But on the other hand, I haven't put a lot of effort into it. I've only been trying the online thing casually, trying not to take it too seriously, or thinking I'm going to find the love of my life that way. A friend of mine said it's all a numbers game. So I guess the more hooks you throw out there, the better chance you'll have of snagging someone you click with.

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    • Yeah, it certainly feels like a numbers game. After clicking through one profile after the other, you'll be lucky if you don't developed carpal tunnel syndrome ;)

  • I've been at it for almost a a year. Most guys just want a quick hook up... many are just unclear about what they truly want. It would save a lot more time if they were just straightforward and expressed that they were dating for a relationship or dating to hook up. It's just been the run around for me. A lot of chit-chat, "oh you're so sexy" things like that. But nothing substantial. For some reason I'm staying optimistic. I've seen a few people come out lucky so I figure I'll just keep my profile up and see what happens...

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  • I met my new beau through an online dating site. He wasn't my first date through the site -but he is definitely my last. We didn't exchange many emails - we went pretty much straight to a phone conversation and hit it off over the phone. We talked a few more times on the phone as well as exchanged some flirty texts before meeting for the first time. By that point - we were both already hooked on each other so the date went perfectly and it's been great ever since.

    I say - keep trying but don't rush into meeting in person right away. Get to know her first through email/phone/texting to see if you think you're compatible. It might take a while because you do have to weed through all the profiles to find someone with similar interests - but it could be worth the effort. Besides - I never had any lucky meeting anyone in a bar that was worth more than 15 minutes of my time...

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  • my dad met his current wife on it. be careful, she's a nutcase, there are bound to be more out there.

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  • Hmm.. Same situation, I've been on an online dating site- either they're interested, I'm not, I'm interested,they show that they're interested in me, but for sex. Be careful- I find that a lot of people use the whole online dating thing for either just random hook ups- well, because it's easy too. It can be emotionally exhausting- Honestly, if you're looking for a relationship make that clear in your profile, identify what you want and what you don't want.

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  • For me, no. But my cousin met her current boyfriend on MySpace they've been together for 3 years now. :)

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  • I am trying it right now too. I try not to post a lot of pictures because guys just look at them and then write hey sexy or something. I'm not looking for some one night stand kind of guy anymore. I'm actually looking for something serious. I've gone out with 2 guys from the online dating scene. The first one turned out to be a HUGE a-hole. He kept trying to explain how much money he had and the fancy shoes he wore and how he bought expensive alcohol.. etc. The second one was nice... to start... then he and his friends got together and talked about how they used to drunk f*** girls at random parties. Things just got weird, he turned into the "woman make me a sandwich" kind of guy. That didn't fly well with me. I think online dating is fine if you talk online for a while. We talked online for several months, then texted for several more months, then finally met up.

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What Guys Said 7

  • It's a total crap shoot.

    See the main problem with Online dating is people see it as some sort of construction line where you can weed out the imperfections in people by filling out a question form, ("oh I'd like someone who drinks but doesn't do drugs and is nice to dogs but doesn't want children!") and the truth is while it might work out for someone if your list isn't too restrictive the majority doesn't realize that and tries to hold out for the perfect person without realizing that if the that person really did exist then the LAST place they'd be looking for dates is an online dating site!

    People on dating sites are imperfect, if you're going to use them you HAVE to accept this or you'll never be happy with anyone you meet there.

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    • I actually read an article which touch on that same point you made. Online dating turns us into a bunch of QVC shoppers, looking for the best deal. Turning people into commodities.. were to go, Internet.

  • I mean I found my current girlfriend on plentyoffish.com and we are going strong. A lot of guys do ask the minimal number of girls for sex/hookups, but just send a sincere message and you'll get avoided or a response. I got lucky with my girl though.

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  • I've had a few dates from eHarmony and POF. None worked out. I got rejected once and I rejected a couple, unfortunately. I take the time to write a decent message, but try not to write too much. However, my height is below average...not sure about the looks, although I think I'm decent. I find it very hard to get responses, and some of the responses are very short responses to the questions I asked...not exactly keeping things moving.

    My other issue is that I try to weed out people obsessed with drinking/partying still. I am passed that. Maybe that is also hurting my chances. I would think, for people in their mid-20s, they would be passed it too. I guess not.

    I'm not sure how to make it work better. I think a pay site like Match may be better because the girls who did pay will be more willing to meet.

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  • no. online dating does not work.

    I have been on several dating sites for years. women seldom respond to the emails sent, and women almost never send the guy an email.

    I know 2 women who put out ads, they both have a guy. they do it cause they like to get the "hits" for their self esteem.

    ladies, do NOT put an ad in, if your not serious about wanting a man. if its a game to you, then you are not ready for a realationship

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  • works well more so for girls than it does for guys, well guys have to be in the top 10 percent of attractiveness, meanwhile girls can be in just about any range of attractiveness

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  • Well, just like trying to find someone in "real life," I think it seems to be all about luck. I got REALLY lucky. I didn't message many girls because I'm shy AND picky haha, but once I found a girl I was utterly enthralled with and was a 97% match with (this was on OkCupid), we got to talking and now we've been in an relationship for two years.

    I think if you keep going on dates you're bound to find someone. Maybe I'm just being optimistic.

    I don't know if you're doing OkCupid or not but this is one strategy that just occurred to me. There's a place when you're answering questions to choose "how your ideal match would answer" or something, and you could pick answers that would indicate a more independent, less traditional, assertive girl, then you're going to be better matched with the type of girls who will message you first or at least respond to your message, haha.

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  • Didn't work for me.

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