She is not ready for relationship?!

I have a very close female friend, we hang out and we talk on phone everyday for an hour, last week I was at her place and once thing lead to another and we had sex, the day after that she was living on a business trip and I wanted to say goodbye so I went to her place and we had sex again but when we were done she cried and said she doesn't think what we did is right because we are not in a defined relationship, I told her that I would love to be in a relationship with her but she said she is not ready for relationship and she suggested we don't hang out just the two of us cause "unexpected things" may happen but then she changed her mind and said that we can hang out but if anything happens again we should just meet in public places, and she said no matter who initiate it I have to be responsible to stop it, and well if something happens I don't think I will stop it, I love her. what do you think about the whole situation?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't go there, because she's not completely into it and she'll blame YOU. She might end up feeling forced into a relationship because of guilt and you'll be her new whipping boy. Everything that goes wrong, you'll be the cause. Every argument will be your fault. She'll resent you. She probably ends up in a lot of relationships with jerks and she doesn't know how to be with anyone else without putting them through an emotional rollercoaster before pulling the plug. She's not lying to you. She's not ready for a relationship and you're the one that's going to get hurt.

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    • good point! and I think maybe she wants to leave the door open and keep looking before settling done, either way I will be better off.

What Girls Said 2

  • She's being pretty straight forward with you. She doesn't want a relationship, or at least one with you. She's also being clear that she doesn't want sex with you. If you feel that you can't be around her or stop having sex with her, then stop seeing her. I think you better stop seeing her anyways. It will be too tough on you to try to have a friendship with someone you're in love with. If she ever wants a relationship with you she'll come around but you can't force someone to want to be with you.

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    • so you think that its me who she does not want to be in the relationship with? I was thinking maybe she is just not ready for a relationship in general! or maybe I was fooling myself.

    • No, I don't think it's necessarily you. You can't really tell what's going on in her head right now. The only thing you can do is respect what she wants.

  • Not sure but I have the same problem with a guy friend.I feel the same way about him. I guess just wait until she is ready don't push her.

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    • so you are not sure about being in a relation with him or being in a relation at this moment? she just gave me a call, she arrived in the country from a business trip, I mean why should she call me if she is not interested in me?

What Guys Said 1

  • Frankly if she really doesn't want to have sex with you, she should have said something before the second time. I say if she wants to hang out with you or something, she should set up the date and what not. If she says she doesn't want sex and tries to ask you to hang out with her alone, just say no. If she asks why, tell her that she made the rule, she is setting up a situation for it to be broken, and you will not get into a situation where you will be blamed for something she suggests.

    If she bitches about you not accepting a request to hang out with her alone then she is an emotional train wreck, don't talk with her, stay away from her, she will just f*** over your emotions.

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    • Lol its funny, its easier to understand your point of view as a guy, and thanks for the advice, I won't hang out in her apartment or mine anymore.

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