I really like my boyfriend, but I like his best friend too?

My boyfriend makes me very happy but I find myself being drawn to his best friend. My boyfriend is away in China traveling for the next month and I've been hanging out with his best friend while he's gone. We text and hang out without my boyfriend's knowledge, as far as I know. We stay out all night, usually to go on random walks, talk, go for long drives, get food and joke around.

We hung out on Sunday and something happened and he basically played with himself in front of me on a dare. Surprisingly, none of us was weirded out by it and I don't feel guilty for doing anything wrong since I didn't. We just get along really well.

Anyway, he is picking me up on Thursday after he gets off work and driving an hour to get me and then he's going to let me drive his car since I have my permit. Then we are driving the hour back to his house to chill and watch movies. He offered since it's a hassle for me to explain to my mom/sisters who I'm with, that I can sleepover, but if I don't think that it's a good idea that's fine.

I just don't know what I'm getting myself into. I don't think that J (we'll call him that) would do anything with me to constitute cheating because he and D (my boyfriend) are like brothers and would do anything for each other. But I don't know that I can trust myself to not try anything with J. I'm lonely without D.

Maybe it's just wanting what I can't have that's driving me crazy...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I have a relatively simple solution for you:

    Think to yourself how YOU would feel if the situations were reversed. Would you feel comfortable with your boyfriend spending so much time with YOUR best friend? How about if she started playing with herself in front of him? Spending the night after "watching movies" (you're lying to yourself if you think it's innocent)?

    If the answer to any of those is "no" then you DO know what you're doing is beyond shady and you should definitely cut that sh*t out. If the answer is "yes" then you honestly shouldn't be in a relationship if he wouldn't also answer the same (in which case, you'd be in an open relationship).

    Basically, I think you know perfectly well what you're doing's a bunch of BS but you don't actually care enough about your boyfriend/relationship to do anything about it. If you did, this situation would've stopped being an issue several broken boundaries ago...

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What Guys Said 11

  • This is why I think its better to be single in your early twenties. I think its a time where you need to experiment and have fun without being held down to one person.

    I don't think your crazy for being curious about this guy. It happens. If you really like your boyfriend though don't act on it. As for the watching him touch himself, I think that is sort of crossing a line. I wouldn't do that with my friends girl friend. Vice versa how would you feel if you boyfriend told you he watched one of your good friends touch themselves. It would probably not go over well.

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  • Truth or dare game that ends in you watching your boyfriends best friend play with his genitals, and you see nothing wrong with that? Weird what people find morally acceptable these days...

    Anywho, you know exactly what you're getting yourself into. Being lonely is a sh*tty excuse. But most importantly, what's your question?

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  • not one ounce of logic, loyalty, and respect in you, huh? what are you doing hanging around with your boyfriend's best friend behind his back anyways? and seriously! why even do this to begin with if you know you have no control over yourself in these type of situations? I guess chicks do react with their emotions after all(you are no different), so I'm really not surprise. but why don't you just be a woman and tell your boyfriend that you don't want him anymore and that you already found someone else?

    oh yea that's right! that someone is his best friend! so even if you do this all hell is gonna break loose as your boyfriend will feel betrayed by yous two hypocrite losers! so why get caught up in all this drama? just over some immature confusion you have that you think is "LOVE"!

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  • It is things like this that make me never want to date ha ha *sigh*. Your question did remind me of this article link

    Anyways, whatever you do, don't cheat on your boyfriend. If you want to try to have any sort of relations with J or you don't think you can "trust" yourself (aka have some will power), break up with D.

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  • Bye, Tia, since this was apparently your last question.

    'm sorry people got so nasty with you. This scenario of fooling around with the best friend is SO common. I'm not justifying your actions, but let's face it, a common friend DOES bring people together. You probably know this guy much better than many 'boyfriends' you may have had. So you feel safe experimenting with him--in a way that's understandable. I

    It's not good, mind you, potential problems as people point out..but yes, understandable.

    You should clearly draw away from this best friend until you have reached an understanding about how much experimenting you're willing to do!

    As usual, I salute you for your honesty in talking about what most other people keep hidden.

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  • I'd say do whatever it takes for you to stay loyal if you don't you each of the 3 of you might end up with nothing.

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  • "But I don't know that I can trust myself to not try anything with J. I'm lonely without D."

    If the above quote is an attempt to justify or provide extra reasons for the situation, then I'd say it's not a good situation to be in and you should nip it in the bud before it blows up.

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  • I don't believe anything you say anymore... You're like the definition of everything that is wrong with women all packaged up into one girl... You have to be trolling...

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  • Seems wildly inappropriate to me.

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  • That's really messed up, I don't know how you manage to get yourself into all of these f***ed up situations or even if they're real

    best of luck in life

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    • then again, why am I surprised? you were sugar baby to a married man

      downvote me all you want people but don't be delusional

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What Girls Said 8

  • Well I think you know what's right and what's wrong...

    You know cheating is wrong, plus you're happy with your boyfriend so you should be able to control yourself around the other dude and make wise decisions. If you don't, you should probably rethink your relationship with your bf? You say you're lonely and that's probably what's making you want the other guy more but relationships are about trust and loyalty...if you can't do that then why are you still in the relationship...

    At the end of the day, you can drive yourself crazy but you can still control your actions. I would remove myself from this situation if the boyfriend is really worth it. I would limit my time with the other guy. That's just really shady imo. Imagine you let yourself do something stupid with the other guy...that's 2 relationships you're ruining. Think before you act. :/

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  • I'm really curious about whether this "boyfriend" is the Sugar Daddy you asked a question on. That would probably change my entire answer.

    You know what you're doing is wrong. And you feel guilty about it; that's why you're so defensive. You're just looking for excuses and empathy to do the wrong thing. You know what? If you're such a horrible person and girlfriend that you could sleep with your boyfriend's BEST FRIEND, I vote do it. Your boyfriend should find out who you are as early as possible and get himself far away from you.

    If you cared one iota for your boyfriend, you would not put yourself in this situation.

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    • I don't have a SD anymore... And I haven't replies to anyone so how have I been defensive?

    • I know. You said you don't consider him a SD any more. You're in love with him.

      "I don't feel guilty for doing anything wrong since I didn't. " <--Defensive

      Still, the point is, if you cared about your boyfriend at all, you wouldn't allow yourself to be a position where you're going to betray him.

  • feeling attracted to your boyfriends best friend is nothing bad maybe all you want is a one night stand maybe it is because you feel lonely without your boyfriend but be careful don't ruin something good you have with D for something that you know will only last one night with J if he is the one who starts it then make sure he won't say anything because this has happened to me and he ended up telling my boyfriend just so we would break up. if I was no help I'm sorry but I sure do hope you figure out what you really want.

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  • This isn't cool. Sounds like you're in the beginning stages of cheating and that's not okay.

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  • Heres the deal Sugah if you like two men, and HaVe to choose, choose the second, because chances are you hadn't been in love with the first one ;) If it comes to choosing and goodluck sweetheart!

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    • So, betray her boyfriend, put his best friend in the middle of it, and destroy not only her relationship but their friendship? I think the better advice is to keep it in her pants.

  • i think its unacceptable, like if my boyfriend did that with my best friend I would be crying myself to sleep and would break up with him because id feel cheated...and id dump that bitch who was a homewrecker too some friend shed be...

    its not okay at all. you're cheating, the best friends a homewrecker so not a good friend to your boyfriend at all, your boyfriend is innocent one who doesn't know what's going on behind his back...when he finds out it will be a disaster for all of u. bros don't take their best friends girl...like get your own! I seriously have no respect for friends who can't keep their boundaries and feed off of others relationships and friends, like my ex best friend did that shed always be snooping in my other friendships and guys id flirt with...she was a frenemy. never trust an OPPORTUNIST. theyre selfish and don't care if their best friend gets hurt, someday theyll hurt you and go for YOUR best friend.

    lots of married couples have careers where they have to travel or go see a relative abroad, it doesn't mean you suffer and feel lonely and want the next guy around.

    i think you should break up with him and be single. you're not ready for commitment or a relationship. and if you sleep with his best friend, you will always be remembered in a bad way for ruining a friendship.

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  • I think you will end up regretting it if you do anything with his friend

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    • I agree. Not only will you be damaging your relationship, but you may possibly be ruining a friendship and messing up your reputation.

  • You've already crossed so many boundaries - or what other people would call their boundaries. I think you need to rethink your boundaries, you're letting yourself fall for this guy by the things you allow yourself to do with him.

    The guys I know wouldn't have allowed any of what you did with this other guy.

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