What should I seriously do?

I've been dating my boyfriend for about three years, both sixteen but we are insanely mature for our age and stuck together probably threw everything.(With family abuse problems and things that 16 year old's don't need to go threw) I can not imagine not being with him, or there for him. He takes his anger out on me mostly about two times a day. He's been recently abused to where it was serious enough for him to be taken away from his father. He's been dealing with abuse since he was three. And we are still awaiting for a court date. He's very head strong, aggressive, and well everything a person would be when you've been threw as much sh*t as he's been threw. He does take his anger out on me a lot, and it has became kind of scary. He'd get mad at the littlest things, such as even if I told him I didn't change my settings on my phone he'd be a total jerk and tell me off, calling me a lair and a bitch. He threatens me and grabs my arms tightly and tells me to stop my bullsh*t when I try to calm him down and I try to explain that he has the story wrong. I've been emotionally and psychically exhausted by this. But I feel like I can not let go, that no matter what I love him and will always be there for him. He says he loves me and cares but these bipolar reactions to everything is starting to worry me constantly. He yells, and says he hates me and that he doesn't love me and that I need to grow up. He says he's always right and that he doesn't care what the hell anyone says he's always right. I want to help, he has great futures for him if he tries and let people help. I want him to understand, I want to understand what he thinks about and how is mind works. He plays with my heart and it feels like it's killing me with pain to where I burst out crying sometimes uncontrollably. It's honestly unbearable. And the funny thing is, I feel less pain when I try to fix things then letting him go. All I think about is him and if he's okay, but I do not tell him that, I let him come to me when he feels comfortable. I do give him space. I just need some advice, because no one around here understands how he is then me. But I also don't know what to do for my sake. I'm like most girls, want a guy to hug her and tell her she's loved and showers her with affection. But I'm a person who loves to LOVE back. I love making people I care about happy. I honestly don't know if I should hang in there till court where things can be back to normal, or better or if.. Well, help me out please if you have any experience. This is true and real. So, any help would be very appreciated. I have an extremely soft soft soft heart so I feel everything. I'm about to my breaking point. And I don't want to be. Please help.


Most Helpful Guy

  • *sigh* To be young and violently unstable again...

    Alright, he's going to need mental help. Medication only if absolutely necessary, but I really think he just needs therapy. He needs to see a shrink or spend some years alone. Otherwise, he's going to keep hurting you worse and worse. If you're really okay with him hurting you, nobody's stopping you from sticking around. But if you really want to help him, he's going to need time and/or professional help. He seems to feel a need to take his anger out on something. Could try video games. Even better, enjoying video games together. Personally, I'd recommend a game that includes cooperative play, great for relationships.

    Source(s): Been a gamer for nearly 20 years, and dealt with family problems. Used to be violent as hell, games helped.


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What Guys Said 1

  • You need a break from him. He needs to go to counseling. The abuse has altered him, and he won't be albe to be "normal" unless he gets some professional help. He has learned from his father to treat others with abuse, especially love ones. You are dealing with a ticking bomb. You will get seriously hurt unless you get him help and/or leave the situation.


What Girls Said 3

  • I would say take a step back.

    Yes, it's hard because you love him, but he also needs to get his anger under control and I doubt that the situation he's in is really helping that.

    The fact you are taking a step back might upset him and anger him more but at the same time, after he has thought about it, he will understand that you are doing it for the best and if he doesn't than I don't think he loves you as much as you'd like. It's not fair for you shoulder such a heavy burden, you're taking on more than he is and it's not even your family.

    If you stay in this situation you could come out purple and blue. If he sees you less often, when he does see you he'll want to make it count and spend more quality time together. It also sounds like he might benefit from a professional helping him; going through issues like that is difficult and there is nothing wrong with admitting you need some help sometimes.

  • As mature as you can be at 16, you are still only 16 years old and have a fantastic life ahead of you. As a young woman, you shouldn't be dealing with such abuse. In all honesty, I don't think that he loves you because no matter how angry you are, you will never tell the person that you love otherwise.. And I'm sorry for saying this.

    Based on what you wrote here, I did not see a word which described your happiness. You came across as very unhappy in this relationship.

    There are many other boys who will love you if you let them. But they won't be abusive and won't take their anger off on you. You are just his stress ball, and I'm sure you would rather be someone's happiness.

    I wish you all the best.

  • You need to leave him. No one deserves to be treated like he's treating you. It might be hard, but it's in your best interest.