Is he right? Am I acting immature?

I am a 22 year old female and I am still living with my parents who are very old fashioned. I met this guy (29) and we really hit off and started dating right away. There was a real connection with us and after a month I truly felt I was in love with him. However, he decided to ignore me for about three weeks. I mean I begged him to answer me and he wouldn't. But finally he called and told me that he was sorry for what he did and that he wanted to work it out. Anyway he told me the reason he ignored me was because I wasn't allowed to stay by his house and he wanted to be with a woman not a girl. He told me that I needed to take control of my life instead of letting my parents control me. So I asked him to give me time to talk to my parents about it and he agreed. That lasted all of two days before he gave up and once again told me I needed to grow up and I agreed with him but he didn't understand how my parents were and that I have no choice because I live with them. What was I supposed to do? So I guess my question is if he is right? Should I just ignore my parents wishes. He was my first real relationship and I'm devastated about it and I'm afraid that the next guy is going to feel the same way. So is not being able to sleep by your guys house really that big of a deal? We used to spend the entire day together and I would leave his house at about 2 in the morning. I don't want this to always be a problem with guys.


1|0
5|2

Most Helpful Girl

  • In my opinion I think you should forget about that old guy and find someone you're more compatible with. Someone who share similar thoughts, respects you, understands you, and not treat you like trash, because ignoring you for three straight weeks is disrespectful. Calling you imature because you listen to your parents. What he wants is a puppet of his own, not a woman. We already gave you our opinions, now it's your decision if you want to take it or not.

    1|1
    0|0

What Guys Said 2

  • So instead of being controlled by your parents, you're going to let this guy control you. Your parents maybe odd in today's world, but they care for you. This guys has demonstrated that he is flaky; thus, he's not worth it if you're looking for a long term relationship. If you want to respect your parents' wishes because you live with them, more power to you. There's nothing wrong with that. You're not acting immature; it's tough times right now. I can understand why many people will stay with their parents past the age of 18.

    3|1
    0|0
  • He is indeed wrong and the national average that people leave the house and care of their parents is 24-25.

    1|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 4

  • I would feel the same way as I am the same age. Its just a big age gap and I had the same problem as you when I was your age (then again I always lied about where I was staying ). Maybe its just not right for you guys. If this is a big problem it might just be the tip of the iceberg when he sees how differently the life stages you are in really are.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I don't think he got angry/upset because you couldn't stay over - I think it's because of the fact that you essentially had to suck up some courage to talk to your parents about it and whatnot. I think it's great you respect your parents wishes, and if you are happy abiding by their 'rules' then you just have to find someone likeminded.

    I do see what he means by saying he wants a "woman not a girl" - I think he means he wants someone independent. That doesn't mean living alone or anything, but just that you make your own decisions and don't have someone dictating what you do (in this case, your parents).

    1|0
    0|0
    • I do understand that he wanted someone who was independent but I did everything else he asked of me. Whenever he wanted me to go see him I would go. I just couldn't sleep there. I hate that he gave me an ultimatum either sleep there or we break up. I don't like following my parents rules but in all honesty I am a full time graduate student and can't exactly move out so I'm stuck there.

    • Show All
    • Thanks for your input I appreciate it. I've tried talking to my parents try are very overbearing and now because of this I am starting to resent them. I tried talking with them and explaining how I feel they refuse to listen to me. I feel so out of control of my own life. He took away my decision to say no to him and they took away my decision to say yes. It just hurts because he just couldn't understand or give me time. And I accepted his flaws and he refuses to accept this.

    • Yeah, I think that you want it to be somewhere in the middle - where you respect your parents wishes but are free to do what you want. Your parents are being unreasonable, and so is he. I understand the whole "my house, my rules" thing, but if they aren't willing to compromise it seems unfair. With the guy, it just seems like he wanted something you weren't able to give, and he wasn't patient enough to give you a chance. Forget about him, and try work on your r/ship with your parents.

  • Instead of him telling you to grow up, he at least should support you, not judge you or hurt you even more.

    2|0
    0|0
  • He didn't treat you right but he treated you accordingly to what he can put up with. It was good that he gave you a reason but it wasn't good that he called you immature.

    It's alright, this guy wasn't good for you and it really just sounded like he only wanted one thing.

    1|0
    0|0
Loading...