Asking (on a FIRST date) if he / she is open to dating multiple people...do you think this is this OK to do?

I answered a question about "keeping your options open" while dating...and to be frank the asker got offensive towards the responses the guy had for her:

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My question to you is...do you think it is "out of bounds" to ask your date on the FIRST date if he / she is into seeing multiple ppl, so you know where you stand?

Or should you wait until a later date (2nd, 3rd, etc.) to ask that question?

Why did you think and vote the way that you do?

Elaborate as much as you like on this topic.

  • When said correctly (timing, word choice), this is OK to ask on a first date
    57% (4)40% (2)50% (6)Vote
  • This should never be asked on a first date
    43% (3)60% (3)50% (6)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes. So then I don't have to waste my time on them. I don't want to be someone's "option". I'd rather them just go have their little turn taking with a group of people that doesn't involve me.

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What Girls Said 8

  • Eh - I wouldn't be too thrilled if it was brought up on a first date.

    First date for me is definitely - we're not exclusive territory anyway; but that doesn't mean I want to discuss this on a date. For me it would be awkward and uncomfortable.

    Maybe a couple of dates down the line, when you've got to know each other more and you've decided that you actually want to be exclusive then yeah - bring it up, in the terms of like ... are we a couple or something like that. But otherwise I think it's something that doesn't need to be discussed unless you're discussing it in terms of ... I'd like us to not be seeing other people and only seeing each other.

    At least that's the way I prefer it.

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  • This should come up on the first date. It doesn't have to be about her. Make it about you. Just tell her that right now you're dating around, interested in meeting people. Either she's cool with it and will keep dating you, or she's not cool with it and she won't.

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  • I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It might be better asked on the second or third date (depending on how the relationship is progressing), but I think it's completely OK to ask this. Helps to suss out the others' intentions.

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  • I wouldn't even ask. I'd let it flow. If we are not exclusively dating then I assume you're dating other people, and I may date someone else as well

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  • I would prefer it in the first date so that I know where I stand.

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  • I wouldn't have a problem asking on the first date - people think I'm nuts anyway - but I never think of it.

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  • i think it is important to talk about intentions but not on the first date. maybe second or third. but, unless a guy tells me he is not looking for something serious at all I would assume exclusivity is an option, so I expect him to be honest up front if he is not.

    that being said though, if he was not open to a relationship I would not want to keep seeing him.

    but first date is too soon to talk about it, for sure.

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  • i wouldn't bring up other people unless you really like this person and are thinking about exclusivity.

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What Guys Said 2

  • A date, is just a date... It should be assumed that you are not committed to a person when you begin to date them and are free to date who ever or however many people you choose to. Things are not exclusive yet. You are just meeting people, and getting to know them. You don't need to make it clear that you are not committed to them in the beginning, because it is that way by default. After an intro period whether that be a certain amount of time or number of dates you are comfortable with, then you can have the talk of being more then friends/making things exclusive/having a relationship.

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  • It's a first date, not a relationship yet. I say you don't even have to mention it because it should already be implied, you're not exclusive so why not date other people? I say you ask when you feel like you wanna be exclusive, however long that takes. For some it takes 5 dates, for others a month, it all depends on how the two parties feel about what's going on between them.

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