Do you think this guy genuinely cares about me or am I just one of many?

Started dating a man in his thirties about three months ago. Obviously there is a big age gap which definitely poses a lot of complications. He just got divorced and he has children. We're in different stages of our lives clearly. I'm still in college and living at home. He's successful, handsome, and down to earth and I just need to know if he genuinely cares about me.

We first started talking three months back, about three weeks later we hung out for the first time. He lives in a neighboring state so were an hour away from each other. He has fam living where I live. At first he would text me almost everyday. The first time we hung out things went OK. I'm a nervous person and not much of a talker when I'm I first meet someone. He took me to see a movie, and then we went back to the commuter parking lot where we met up and talked in his car and listened to music. He kissed my hand which I found to be irresistible for some reason and I hopped the seat and gave a him a kiss. One thing lead to another and we had sex on the first date. He still texted regularly, called me beautiful, constantly complimented me on my eyes, hair, smile, butt etc. Then he asked me to come over his house and told me he would make me dinner and take me a ride on his motorcycle. I was so awkward that weekend (pretty quiet).. I don't know I just wasn't myself. We basically had sex all night, and the next day. he told me he hasn't had that much fun in the bedroom in a long time.

Things changed after that weekend. He sporadically calls/texts now. I told him that I was upset that he calls and texts randomly. Which I regret now because I made a fool of myself. I asked him if he had respect for me and he said he does and he knows what kind of person I am. (I felt guilty for throwing myself at him)... He texted me one Friday night and it conversation was short. I asked him if he wanted to do something the following night and he said sure. He said we could meet up again, and we could stay a night somewhere. The next day he texted me a told me I was going to be mad at him when I called him. He told me he had forgot that he had a concert to go to because he bought tickets three months back and his sister reminded him of it the morning of. I kind of got bitchy in my text and said "whatever *name* it doesn't even matter, have fun with whatever you're doing tonight" he said he truly apologized and he said "at least I know how you really feel"

A week ago we talked on the phone and was making comments like he had to get a suction cup seat for his bike for me because last time he took me for a ride it really hurt my butt hah. He also refers to his ex as his "wife" and then quickly corrects himself. Me and my friends think he's probably seeing someone else besides me. But he seems like a genuinely good man. I just can't figure it out. I could tell you more but I'm running out of space. Please let me know what you think -_____-.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well he could like you but he could just be using you for sex he had it and now is being distant. maybe he wanted a girl to be more of a catch. some guys like the chase. some do not. I doubt it has to do with you had sex with him too soon.

    honestly I hate to tell you this but the guy may like you, but sounds like he is not that into you. because when a guy is really into a girl he always responds to her texts and will always hang out with her all the time. the concert, the motorcycle suction thing he's lying to you and does not wanna see you that bad. he may text you sporadically and keep you on the backburner for you to have sex with when he's bored or can't get it elsewhere. for you it sounds more serious and he sounds like a player of sorts. he's been married and just broke it off with his wife doubt he wants to get married again.

    probly just wants sum rebound sex and good times. I say cut it off withhim unless you wanna get hurt badly. it sux you work together that's even more awkward.

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What Guys Said 1

  • His emotions for you are limited, back off a little, your coming on to strong, you need to make him miss you, not you miss him, so give him the freedom to do what he wants, but you don't have to jump when he asks you out, tell him your doing stuff to, so he has to reoganise a night just for you two, this will work, but you need to show less interest,x

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What Girls Said 1

  • This guy is enjoying casual sex with you but that is as far as it is going. Why?

    1. Divorced men with children, especially in their 30's and beyond are not interested in relationships. They want to have fun. They want to date and the idea of a serious relationship that theoretically will lead to marriage is probably the last thing on their mind. They have been there, done that and really just are not the romantics we are anyways. Not saying the day doesn't come where they are over having fun and ready for commitment again, but this guy isn't there yet.

    2. You had sex with him before you two even knew each other or you had established any type of emotional connection. The second time you two hooked up over the weekend sealed in his mind that you are fine with casual sex and most men do not consider girls who are fine with casual sex as relationship material. It doesn't mean he thinks poorly of you, but his actions are speaking for him. He has slowed the chase dramatically, he isn't planning romantic dates but planning ways to have sex, and he can take it or leave it as demonstrated by his passing you up for a concert.

    So, this guy seems decent and he likes you, but he isn't considering anything beyond hookups with you. I suggest you move on if you want a relationship and you want to preserve your self-esteem.

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    • thank you I really appreciate the advice.

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    • Yeah he told me that he'd like to get married again. He's looking for a serious relationship I'm sure, just not with a 19 year old.

    • stubbsy-I am in the 40+ market and have a multitude of freshly divorced friends. Many of the men they dated who were the same age and situation as they were 1) Were bitter about their divorces and the financial impact it had on them or 2) Wanted to sow their wild oats. Once they got past their anger and casual sex phase, then, yes, they were ready for a relationship. Just depends on the stage the guy is at. QA, I think you hit the nail on the head.

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