Should I tell the man I'm having an affair with how I feel about him?

i been dating a married man for 5 years, every time I try to leave him alone I can't he has no intentions of leaving his wife obviously at this point we have got to deep in our relationship I have feelings for him should I tell him?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I really don't think you should tell him. What good would it do? He is not going to leave his wife, and do you really want him to? Could you put yourself in her shoes and say that him leaving her for another woman would be what she would want? If he did leave her for you do you think he would then be faithful to you even though he wasn't faithful before?

    These situations are so sad. Honestly they break my heart. You've got yourself in deep and everybody gets hurt. I am not saying he is innocent and it is all your fault because I am sure it is not, it takes two to tango. Regardless you really need to get some separation and terminate this however you can so that you can move on with your life and hopefully not do any more damage than has to be done.

    I ask by way of general question, not accusation, why do some women get mixed up with married men? I mean, you know from the beginning that it can't end well and no matter what somebody, and sometimes everybody, gets really hurt.

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    • Thanks for the positve feedback, you are right, and no I wouldn't want him, ur point is taken and I realized that I's time to move on and find my own man, and be happy

What Guys Said 8

  • Without feelings you wouldn't be having an affair, I suppose? You'd just hang out with him.

    He will not be surprised (if he's not a moron)

    However, since he has no intention of leaving his wife it might make him uncomfortable: he probably thinks he has a 'no strings attached' relationship with you and you change the rules or basics.

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  • I am sure he knows, but you should tell him. Be prepared for it to cost you your relationship, but I think you are asking the question because you realize your life is on hold and you won't find the right guy as long as you are seeing your married lover.

    Good Luck

    James

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  • If you got into this knowing he was married then you have no grounds telling him about your feelings. Enjoy your friendship if you want, but if its obvious he is not leaving his wife, then the only thing telling him your feelings will do is change things to more separation or end things. telling him your feelings hoping he will change and want to leave his wife is manipulation and that sucks.

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  • You're... wow... that's disgusting. Knowingly helping a man cheat on his wife. I don't care how you feel about him, that's just plain selfish and disgusting. Besides, think about this, he easily cheats on his wife, you think he won't cheat on you? Look at even famous people like Newt Gingrich or whatever his name is. Cheated on pretty much every wife he had with the new person he marries who he then cheats on. Why can't you women wise up and think with some god damn logic when it comes to cases like this?

    Dump him, tell his wife what's been going on (she doesn't deserve to be screwed over like this anymore) and help her send his ass into bankruptcy or whatever to make him suffer and know pain. Perhaps if he knows a little pain he'll finally grow up and treat people with respect.

    But, aiding him in hurting someone... that's despicable.

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  • u were dating him for 5 years and you don't love me?

    i don't understand ...

    even so, you should leave him

    as early as possible

    coz as far as I can see,

    he is using you..

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  • Get out of that relationship. right now you are just a pu--y in a glass case. break glass when you need to bust a nut

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  • what do you expect to gain?

    he's not going to leave his wife, not after 5 years.

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  • I think you need to not date a married man, karma is a bitch

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What Girls Said 12

  • This is a question that you already know the answer to. You made a conscious decision to have an affair with a married man. You know that he is not leaving his wife for you. There is no point to telling him your feelings, he doesn't care.

    When a man carries on a long-term adulterous affair, he only cares about himself: not his poor little wife at home thinking she has a faithful man; not his kids; and most certainly not you! The only thing he cares about is having you fulfill his sexual needs! You spent a portion of your youth catering to a self seving bastard and passing up some other experiences that could have allowed you to have happiness with someone of your own!

    Life is short and you should learn to be honest about what you are giving up by continuing a relationship with him; as well as how damaged you've become by being in this lousy relationship. Everyday is pregnant with new possibilities. You are in control of your life and are thus responsible for your happiness as well as your misery. Every morning you either choose to stay or to move on. Today, I would suggest that you make a decision to move on without him. It's just bad news all around! I hope you find your way out of this, it's a terrible decision to do it once, it's a worse decision to continually do it. It is the worst decision to listen to people tell you something that you knew all along and to consciously make a decision to do it tomorrow.

    Move on and change everything, your phone number, your job, your car, where you live, your hair, clothes, friends...everything so that you are a new person. When you look in the mirror tomorrow concentrate on who you want to be and how you want to live your life. Don't waste another day and know that this is just a suggestion for a fresh start. I have a tough time listening to these stories, because they all have the same result; a beautiful young woman wastes her intelligence and youth on a man who will never be with her. It always ends the same, he doesn't care about her feelings and she can't get past it until it's too late. Then she's old and bitter because she kept hanging on to a piece of shit guy, that was never hers to begin with and ends up alone or worse repeating the same thing again because that's all she feels she deserves. Break your cycle now and move on! KRL

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  • wow, you know he's married. where do I begin?a bundle of names come into mind. you KNOW what you're doing is wrong. do you like knowing that after he's done with you he goes back to his WIFE? what he says and what he does are two different things. so while he tells you oh I'm staying away from my wife or we are seperated, chances are, that's false, and if he is seperated, its not divorce, seperation is used to heal a marriage, he just found you in the meantime to kill time. and possibly he is having a midlife crisis. wow, it must feel wonderful being used and being a homewrecker.

    you said it yourself, he has nooo intentions on leaving his wife.. OBVIOUSLY the feelings of "too deep" isn't a mutual thing. you're sooo rediculously retarded. only women like you, hlepless, desprite, lonely, forgotten, stay around and hope they leave the wife.. it NEVER HAPPENS. if he has kids with her, guess what? that woman and him will have relations for the rest of their lives, they will never be over!

    God is watching you, whether you believe in God or not, he's real and he is watching you. chances are you'll get married and karma will play a role in your life where your husband will cheat on you, only it will hit you 3x's worse, he'll wind up getting her pregnant, and you'll be a miserable mess (more so than now) crying in a corner saying "why me? what did I do to deserve this?"

    youre pathedic and I hope you use your brains..

    a ring on the finger means NOT SINGLE

    I don't care what he tells you or how he makes you feel or whatever the case may be, you're an idiot and I bet you aren't even a happy person, women like YOU never are.

    May the Lord have mercy on your soul.

    i will be praying for women like you

    i hope his wife doesn't find you,

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  • i can't believe you've been with him this long

    if didn't leave her the first year y'all were together

    at what point in time did you think he was going to leave her?

    i understand you love him so you want to think he'll leave it all

    to be with you but if y'all have been together for FIVE years and he's STILL

    with his wife.

    she's the one he can't live without

    and what he's not getting from her he's getting from you.

    that may sound harsh but that's the honest truth.

    i personally have never dated a married man but one of my old friends did and it ended

    horribly.

    what are you getting out of this relationship?

    sex and heartbreak?

    those 5yrs you could have spent looking for someone who is really willing to drop everything for you

    and he didn't have to be married either.

    there are those guys out there.this guy isn't one of them.

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  • don't sell yourself short.

    you deserve better.

    i'm not going to judge you for being with a married man, but I will say if it's been 5 years and he has yet to leave his wife for you, he isn't planning on it.

    my advice: break it off immediately and start going and having fun. you will find a single man just for you.

    good luck!

    ps. I know this isn't the answer you wanted...but you should tell him how you feel and then if he doesn't divorce his wife immediately then you know it's not a good relationship and should leave him be.

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    • If there's anything that deserves judgment, it's cheating with a married man and acting like a homewrecker.

    • Yeah. I suppose it's all her fault! it takes two and if you guys are really in love. then be happy together as long as it's public. stop hiding.

  • Be true to yourself. Whatever you may be feeling for him is not true. True love is something that is shared between two people. It is impossible for him to have that type of love for you since he has made a commitment to his WIFE. You have to ditch him. It may really suck for a while, but you will get over it. You owe it to yourself. You will not have the ability to find an unmarried man who can be all yours if you have tied yourself down to this married man. It just makes no sense to me. Even if he were to leave his wife for you, would you ever be able to look at him without questions? It's not worth it.

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  • This is not a good situation. I know it may seem hard but get out delete him from your phone don't take his call refuse to see him and start dating other guys. Married men are just bad news. As for the relationship getting deeper that's total bullshit. You may feel like you've connected on a deeper level but he's just using you. If he really wanted you he would stop seeing his wife and be all about you. You're just a booty call to him and no matter what he says or does he's playing you. You deserve so much better then what this guy has to offer, and he's a scum bag for keeping you around this long. GET OUT and see other people don't tell him.

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  • errr if you are having an

    affair wouldn't you have

    feelings for him?

    also DUMP HIM

    u will always b

    second 2 his wife

    and bsides you

    shouldn't b with

    a married man.

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  • What so he can suddenly decide he wants to leave his wife? Don't you think that he would have left her a long time ago to be with you if that was the case? And once that did happen wouldn't you think he would be cheating on you? How can you be that naive?

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  • No offense but you two are not dating. You are friends with benefits. I think you should tell him how you feel because it will scare him and then he will leave you alone which will make you get on with your own life.

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  • If you two have been dating for 5 years I think he should already know how you feel. I also think your selling yourself short because he will never leave his wife, therefore you are pretty much like a rebound! He will never be yours.

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  • stop seeing him...he is not the one for you, don't get stuck

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  • hello I don't think you should tell him because the answer is NO! no he's not leaving his wife and no he doesn't love you sorry to be so harsh but I'm just telling you what was told to me. your just on the side because he's un happy and want something on the side and his wife\picked fence life too. I say leave him alone I know its hard I'm going thru the same problem but it will soon pass trust me!

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