Would you rather date a bully or a victim of one?

Hey everyone,

This question is directed at middle/high school girls and I suppose a few college girls too. It's pretty much all in the title, but I don't think I'm wrong when I say there are more high school bullies with a girl around then kids who endure their abuse. I know that girls have impulses that are purely superficial just as guys do, and bullies tend to be "hotter," and when girls turn into women the nerd gets the girl, but what's so hot about a jackass? I mean I guess it makes sense in the animal world because the alpha "bullies" the others to the top of the pecking order, but we're not animals.

What do you think?

Updates:
I'd like to add something to the question:


I've known some guys who try to act tough and have engaged in bullying, but then when they have a girlfriend she claims he's "really sweet" or "really not really mean, just acts that way," thoughts? Anyone known someone like this?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You answered your own question. It's the superficial attraction to the illusion of the alpha male. The environments of bullying are usually artificial and completely removed from the jungle, but the innate behaviors, including of base attraction are still there. When women grow up they shift over the attraction to the real world version of the alpha male, rich/prestigious/famous men, etc.

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What Girls Said 10

  • A victim of one. Always. Even if he's incredibly insecure and has all sorts of issues and I have to choose between the lesser of two evils. I could NEVER be with someone who's purposely cruel to other people. Sometimes I make friends with people who don't seem like they're like that, but then they'll say things about others that just make me nauseous. I can't be around people like that.

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  • Every bully I have ever met has a really low IQ and is overall stupid and/or ignorant or has deep seated emotional issues so why would I even want to date that? Stupid girls date stupid guys simple.

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  • Victim, but not if he goes around crying all the time or trying to bully others because he feels inadequate. I'd rather date a whole man. A victim can be a whole man; a bully never is.

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  • Well, in actuality, we are animals. Still I'd prefer the "nerd" myself. I think of alpha males or anyone who feels the need the need to prove their masculinity, two ways.

    physically: I think meat head with half a brain lol

    mentally: I see a boy, who is nowhere near becoming a man and projects his insecurities onto those who are more self-conscious than he.

    And let's face it, the "alphas" peak in high school (for some university) whereas the "betas" only get better with age IMO.

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  • I would date the victim of the bullying. PERIOD. No one like a hypocrite.

    I love the underdog, too.

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  • a victim, I can't stand bullies and I'm sucker for the underdog

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  • The bully victim

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  • Neither.

    The bully would be a cold hearted a**hole in my eyes and I'd never settle for such a disgrace. The victim would no offense, but be seen as weak to me. Unless he had gotten a back bone since then, learned how to stick up for himself, and stand his grond, then I couldn't find him all that desirable as a partner. I'm sorry, but I need my man to be strong not some weakling who lets someone pick on him.

    I think your theory is very small minded and kind of immature. Most girls don't choose bullies after the age of 18. The ones who do tend to be dumb asses or they just fail to see him for what he really is.

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  • i guess date one, because being bullied is no fun :(

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  • Date a bully so I can settle his ass down...

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What Guys Said 2

  • Insecure girls will date guys who 'display' strength (even if they are not really strong).

    Smart girls will date guys who are strong and are SO strong...they don't need to show it/prove it to anyone else.

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  • bully doesn't equal alpha male. alpha males are strong and dominant, but they don't feel the need to bully people whereas bullies tend to be insecure beta guys who pick on people who don't defend themselves. the fact they pick on people who don't defend themselves proves they are cowards = not alpha males. most bullies team up in order to demoralize and "defeat" the victim (which is cowardly and weak). if the victim teamed up with other people, the bully would turn into a victim. one person doesn't stand a chance against a group of people. impossible. if a group of people decided to pick on the alpha male, the alpha male would be helpless. being popular/having friends prevents being a victim of bullying, but that doesn't change the fact most of popular people are weak (only strong because they got a lot of friends). loners on the other hand aren't necessarily weak, but they are easy victims because they don't have any friends. girls aren't attracted to loners. they are attracted to popular guys. bullies tend to be popular, bully victims aren't.

    by the way, your animal statement is wrong. in the animal kingdom "bullies" get killed. if a wolf "bullies" another wolf, the wolf pack will kill the "bully" because bullying is not accepted/not seen as alpha male behavior. girls want to date alpha males, but there is only one alpha male in each group. many girls don't see the difference between a bully and an alpha male and that's why they keep dating bullies.

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