Hi - have been going out with a girl for a few months in San Fran. Her past 3-4 relationships haven't gone well, so she wants to take things gradually. She has reiterated a few times that she is interested but also has a busy work schedule. I'm struggling to find the right balance between making myself available (one of her past issues was that guys are not serious/only available sporadically plus I do believe myself that dating involves effort by both sides to spend time together) - but at the same time, not appearing "desperate" (since she likes the fact that guys have their own interests & life and doesn't want to feel that her own independence is lost by serious dating). Any advice?
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Yeah...it sounds like she has a box she wants to fit the next guy into based on her past bad choices in men. She has been pressured and pushed by a lot of guys in the past. All that she has told you so far...could be her way of saying she's not interested in a serious relationship with YOU. Most of the time...girls with high interest level (romantic interest level) don't make excuses...or talk about wanting space or independence. Normally if they really like a guy...they can't seem to get enough of him. As long as you don't text or call her daily just to chat, and instead call her once a week to ask her out...then you should have to right balance of interest level...without seeming desparate. Her past relationships have nothing to do with you...and should not be used as an excuse to justify her behavior. Its been a few months...she's either in or out. There shouldn't be any grey area by now. I'm guessing you should have had at least 8-10 dates in by now...and she should have asked to be your girlfriend by now.0