Is it a bad idea to look over texts with ex to see what went wrong?

I've kept our whole conversation, and I haven't deleted it because sometimes I read it, trying to see what I did wrong.

Is this a bad idea? Should I just delete it all?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It depends. Are you learning anything from rereading them? Or are you just keeping her "alive" in your mind by doing so? Having recently been in a breakup of sorts, I kept going over old texts. But I eventually realized I was just torturing myself so I deleted the whole thread. Going back over & over is like a dog chasing his tail... you never get anywhere/move forward.

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    • She's confused me so much that I honestly don't know if I am learning anything. I guess what I'm looking at is more what I said than what she did. And I always feel embarrassed afterwards.

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    • Yeah, I can't help but doing that...

      So should I delete them if I've figured things out more? Or even if I haven't?

    • YES! DELETE DELETE DELETE

      Even the occasional peak keeps the memory fresh and, more aptly, the pain. Distance & time are the only true healers but reevaluating or reminiscing reduces that distance. If you've learned all you can from the texts then get rid of them.

What Girls Said 3

  • If you are obsessing then it's not good for you but if you are just trying to learn and see if you made a mistake or see if there were any signs so the next time you are in a relationship you can avoid getting hurt or making a mistake then there is no harm in that.

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    • Yeah that's what I've mainly kept them for, to take a step back and see my behavior, what I said & how I said them.

      Not obsessed though, I actually don't look at them. I admit that I get nostalgic and miss talking with her, but I don't go through them everyday.

    • Then don't worry about it. Smart people learn from their mistakes and you might learn that you didn't make any and it was just not meant to be.

  • delete it. you broke up for a reason. there's a much better girl out there for you. Don't let this one that you're not with keep you from going after a new one. why read texts when you could be out with a new girl?

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  • I think you should go over the texts. Maybe you actually didn't do anything wrong. When a relationship ends, it's never one person's fault, it is always the 2 people.

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What Guys Said 2

  • At most, go over them once or twice and see if you can make sense of it. If not, delete them and move on. This is also dependent, though, on who actually ended it, when, and what the stated reasons were. It will be a bad idea, though, if you don't know when to stop trying to figure things out. You'll just drive yourself crazy if you put too much focus on it.

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  • delete. too much analysis of useless data. you know what went wrong. If not, studying some useless character dribble will not help you.

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    • How do you know that I know what went wrong?

      I'm no good with relationships, but things made a complete You turn that I don't know why it happened. I have ideas, but not certainty...

    • because if it was something we did. we know it. If it was her deciding not to continue, no matter. she is gone. move on. the best way to get over it is try again. If you really have no idea, then next time pay attention.

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