I liked a girl, now I like her friend?

There's this girl who I've liked for a very long time. But I met her on the internet. I hung out with her last year. Haven't since. It took forever and so much try on my end to get her to come out. She brings her friend, I bring some of my friends. The girl I liked was sk shy the entire night that she would just stand there. Would not talk to me unless I talked to her. And I was really disappointed because I had high hopes for when we hung out again. Her friend and I seem to have a lot more in common and she is so much more outgoing. The girl I originally liked is a very good girl but its so hard for me to like a girl who will not talk to me. My friends tell me to give it time and she'll stop being so shy and open up. But I am a bull rider and the girl I liked first doesn't even care about bull riding. Her friend loves it. Bull riding is the most important thing in my life. When you have a really important hobby or passion its almost a dream to meet someone of the opposite gender who has a passion for that same thing, am I right?

Should I tell the girl I did like that I like her friend or should I tell the friend I like right now that I like her first then tell the first girl? I know she'll have her feelings hurt which makes it difficult for me to do anything.

Updates:
Here's another little complication. I am 25. The first girl is 20. The second girl is 17. Now before anybody jumps down my throat about it being illegal, I am in Utah, the law is a 10 year age difference once a girl is 16. I personally believe love knows no boundaries. Even age. As long as its legal. And I'm not saying I love her because we haven't even been on a date, just a figure of speech. Any thoughts?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It would suck to hurt someone's feelings so I say, yes, tell the first girl you liked that though you like her, there really isn't any spark and chemistry and you appreciate her giving you some thought. But that you're intrested in her friend who you have a lot in common with, bull riding, ect. Tell her you just wanted to let her know out of courtesy and that most likely you'll probably be asking her out soon.

    You don't really have to ask her permission since you never really had anything official going on. Be cordial about it and make your move.

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What Girls Said 7

  • I would talk to the first girl, first. Be extremely kind and extra sweet to her when you explain it to her.It will help a little bit with her being able to get over it. But, if you like her friend now...i see nothing wrong with pursuing what you want, you just need to do it in a respectable manner. So talk to the original girl first and explain it to her as nicely as possible. And then see where things go with you and her friend.

    However, you better be sure that you won't want to go back to the original girl...like, don't talk to her and turn her away and then later change your mind. Know for sure before you do anything.

    I agree that it can be more fun to be with someone whenthey share a passion.

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  • Seriously, being in Utah is no excuse. Why don't you like the more mature girls your age?

    Leave her friend alone. You shouldn't come between them.

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  • I think it is perfectly fine...the age difference. As long as you respect her and don't treat her like a "kid" because she is young. I like older guys...i don't see a problem with it at all. I say go for it.

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  • I'd be honest with the first girl. I'd also be careful about getting w the second girl. Sure the law states it's fine but her parents may not be too thrilled. Then you will have them to deal with and usually a 17 year old is not on the same maturity level as a 25 year old.

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    • thats always a concern in the back of my mind is maturity and the parents. although girls mature faster than guys so maybe she's at the same maturity as me. wishful thinkin. lol.

    • It is true in some cases but usually 17 year olds and 25 year olds are at different points in their lives. Once everyone gets into their 20s 30s and 40s you are all somewhat on the same level since mist are independent and working. It's just something I'd think about. Also if you wanna say go out and have drinks with friends and stuff she can't come and it might upset her. I am 26 and personally I'd never date a guy who is under 21.

  • She's not going to open up. The fact that the friend wasn't breaking an elusive "code" probably means the girl you first met wasn't interested anyway. Not talking to someone unless spoken to is actually a way to signal the "not interested" warning sign. Or quite often it is. She'll probably be a little miffed, who wouldn't after thinking they were important to someone but seemingly easy to replace, but it's harmless vanity, not wanting to seem like the "dumpee". Go with the friend.

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  • Anonymous ( 23 years old girl)

    Do not make it harder than it is. Since you do not have any commitment with the 20 year old girl and she has not given you any confirmation about where you guys are standing, you do not need to tell her about your liking the 17 year old. Communication is important in a relationship. As you said the girl number does not communicate that much and is not interested to hear about your hobbies. So do not waste your time with her.

    If you really like the girl number two and she likes you, you should start dating her and stop worrying about hearting or disappointing others. Everybody is capable of protecting their heart and you should start just thinking about what is best for you.

    On the other side, it is the second girls job to tell girl number one thet she has started something with you.

    Ps: age is just number when it comes to love. Am not saying to date a 7 yeat old, but 17 seems enough mature for a girl.

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  • You can't help it if the friend is more your type. It happens. It's not like you tried to play anyone or use the first girl to get to the second girl.

    How you should handle it. I don't know since it is a sticky situation and people react differently. Maybe try to set the first girl up with one of your more socially reserved friends. At least they will have that in common.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Yeah, talk to the first girl in a calm, matter-of-fact way. Don't worry too much about hurting her feelings because she didn't mind hurting yours.

    Personally, I have feelings for a girl who's the same age as the one you're interested in. She's so sweet and mature for her age. Although, I know she might become a nut when she turns 18. That seems to happen quite a bit.

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