I go through phases every year... do you?

I will want a boyfriend, and then as soon as one comes around that I could be with I realize I'm not ready for anything serious... Does that happen to you too?

Its really starting to annoy me because I have things that I want to work on about myself before I get into anything like that so I should know better by now.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • IMO, you're probably taking it all TOO seriously. A guy that you date right now isn't likely to be the guy you're going to marry (if you even get married), so everything in your life doesn't have to be absolutely perfect before you get a boyfriend. You can go years, even DECADES finding reasons not to be in a relationship, but think about all of those lonely nights and boring days that you'd have when you could have a fun, loving partner to share that time with.

    Plus, having relationships now will teach you FAR more about yourself and what's REALLY important in a relationship, making it more likely that you'll make better choices in the future. People with less experience are more likely to choose partners for the wrong reasons when they eventually DO choose one.

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    • So, you're trying to say that I shouldn't try not to get into a relationship? Interesting... I have already gone through two serious ones and a few pointless ones and it just feels like I have overwhelmed myself in the past and I'm just not ready for it ya know? I don't know I'm just a confused girl I guess ...

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    • If you have issues to deal with, then deal with them, certainly. And if you need to take 6 months or a year off to do so, then by all means do it. Just be careful not to get caught in a cycle of always inventing new reasons not to date, that's all.

    • ya, that's true I could totally see that happening to me too. I have already seen myself getting colder and colder about relationships which isn't how I'd normally feel ...

What Guys Said 4

  • I used to be like this. It all stemmed from me not knowing what I wanted in a girl and also not paying attention to what's going on in my life. I'd meet a girl, I'd feel like she's really great, we go out for a while only for me to realize we moved too fast and that she's not what I'm looking for in a girl. I've learned to take the time to define what I want in a girl that I wantto be in a committed relationship with, but also to take things slow with any girl, to take the time to get to know her and make sure she fits what I want and vice versa. Many times also, after getting with a girl I would realize my life is too hectic to accommodate another person. Sounds like you're emoriole are getting the best of you and you're jumping in with guys only to realize it's not what you want. It's important to take time off in life to work on ourselves but you need to have the focus and discipline to stay away from the shiny objects (guys) that pass by and focus on you.

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    • ya, I never really search for them they just pop into my life some how and I'm always like.. well maybe ill regret it if I don't try this out... its stupid because I am never ready to accomodate a guy into my life (like you said) and yet I do it anyways lol has this stopped for you yet? or is it still an ongoing thing

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    • ya I have taken a lot of time for myself but I think I still need more. I'm glad to know the cycle does have an end. thank you . :)

    • to be single so I took time off from girls which was good because it allowed me to look back on the women I had been with, what worked what didn't, and that time off for myself allowed me to clearly define what I wanted in a girl the next time I was ready. For the record, I wasn't out having sex with loads of girls lol. The time off also taught me not to dive in but rather take things slow with a girl, take the time to get to know her and see if I can fit her into my busy life.

  • Yes, in my single days I often felt just as you describe. So I gave up formal dating with all the expectations, did group dating until someone special came along.

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  • since you are a girl, you do not need to have other priorities, things going on in your life like we guys have to

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    • Its not priorities like everyday stuff your not understanding what I'm saying. Its mentally I'm not ready I have stuff to work on mentally before I can even handle a relationship. yet I go through phases where I think I can

    • that applies only to guys, not girls

  • yep

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