Why does he care if I'm talking to other guys?

[Anonymous]

Long story short as possible.

I'm have been messing with a guy for a few years about 3. We were both in other relationships that fell apart a few months ago. For a few weeks everything was great then about a month ago he came to me and said, I want to tell you something but I kind of don't because I'm not sure you will like it. He told me he met someone that day and they were going to hang out and see where it went. Here we are a month later they are dating. I will admit I am in love with him and have been for a long time. He says he cares about me I am his bff and he can't imagine life without me but doesn't want to be with me in a relationship right now partly because I remind him of his ex. So I have been living my life pulled back from even the friendship because it's painful to see him with her. Last Fri. We both ended up in the same bar. I stayed to myself and my friends and he did the same. The next day we were both at a mutual friends house and he made comments about how I was talking to 3 different guys at the bar and that my ass was sticking out the whole time I was talking to the one. ( I was leaning on the bar in between stools ) soo

My question is if he doesn't want to be with me why does he seem so concerned that I'm talking to other men?

[TheFuture]

I don't know what you mean by "messing". Messing each others sheets or just flirting? Whatever the case, he could either not like seeing you attractive to other men and, in his eyes, hitting on them.

Or he could have you in mind as a side piece or a prospective girlfriend. You have it bad for this guy though, if you'll tolerate being questioned like that. Move on, he certainly did.

[Asker]

By messing I mean sleeping together. I was the side piece and he was my side piece for about 3yrs. When both of our "real" relationships ended, we were doing everything together, He even brought up the idea of us moving in with each other but then changed his mind the day he met his now gf.

[eman844]

because, he knows that he'll want to be with you later, and just because he doesn't want to be with you right now doesn't mean that he isn't still going to be protective. if he didn't care then he wouldn't make a big deal,

[Asker]

This is what confuses me. He says he doesn't know what the future holds and maybe we'll be together someday but for now he wants to be with her and I should find someone else. Then gives me the third degree when he see's me talking to other men. It feels like a game of I don't want you but I know you will wait if I let you think we have a chance. I'm not sure if that's what's going on or if he really is confused.I will also say I know I'm still his bff if I called and needed him he would be there

[eman844]

yea, he may want you to be with someone and be happy, but he doesn't want to see it happening, because in the back of his mind, you're his. and it makes him super protective, and jealous.

[Asker]

Well then he sould step up and make me his then lol. Seriously though I do understand what you are saying. I do want him to be happy but I hate hearing about or seeing him with her. She was there that night too that's part of why I just stayed away from them and on the other side of the room. I acted like they werent even there.

[eman844]

yea, all that dating and relationships gets a bit complicated and dramatic... an annoying... well, good luck.. I hope it works out for ya ;)

[Asker]

Thanks :)

[madmisskelly]

I think he still may have some feelings for you, but that is also his business. I wouldn't pursue anything with him because he is with someone else. Let him work all that out. Even though you are in love with him you need to do your best to find someone who is emotionally and physically available to you.

[Asker]

Thats the funniest part about that night. I knew 2 of the guys before that night and I was just talking. I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I know my loyalty and heart are with him right now and any other relationship would be doomed.Not that that will last forever but my main relationship just ended in April ( that lasted 4 years) and the thing with him "ended" the end of may. I need some "me" time before a whole new guy.

[madmisskelly]

Good for you girly! Me time is the best thing ever! Go enjoy yourself :).

Go shop, cook, try new things, work out, look damn good, all that stuff. its all about you now!