Is it okay for a wife to have male friends come over while I'm at work?

Question: Do I have a right to be bothered if my wife has a man over to our house while I'm at wok. With the exception of her father or brothers.

My ex-brother-in-law met my wife over 5 years ago. (I was married to his sister who passed 9 years ago.) My new wife was his family's hair dresser. Then became good friends when he divorced. I vaguely remember him mentioning her as he was now single and dating. From my knowledge, of the situation, they never dated just really good friends. I met her about 2 years ago and she was immediately interested in meeting me. She would come to family functions and even went out to the beach 3 hours away to come visit. I was very oblivious for she was my ex-brother-in-law friend. I thought she was coming around for my niece, nephew and my e-b-I-l. Once I learned of her intentions I asked her what the history between them two. She claimed all innocence. I asked him to confirm and he gave me his okay. So we dated and everything developed to what we are now. Married, House and a child on the way. So why does it bother me that he is over right now? Her 5 yr. old daughter is there and my niece as well. I feel as though there is a possibility for everything. Intimate relationships start off innocent. Next thing you know a mistake has been made and you cannot reverse the doing. I'm worried that his horn dog ways and a questionable past (on my part) is avoiding me to trust. My instincts are telling me to be on alert.

  • I should not be trippin. Feel free to visit your female best friends
    Vote A
  • You should put a stop to this. It's disrespectful
    Vote B
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy


Most Helpful Guy

  • Generally speaking this isn't a good idea and out of respect your wife shouldn't being do this. Women never put the shoe on the other foot. How would she like if you had some women with you at your house while she was at work.

    However, if its someone that the both of you know and can trust fairly well then its not really an issue. Even still, You're kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. I would just keep and eye on it. If she is doing it too frequently, or is seemingly trying to hide or not tell you, then you should bring it up. The two girls also seem old enough to make basic observations. If things seems to start looking weird, ask them if they've observed anything, like the two of them kissing.

    • I would have definitely flipped if the kids where not there. Only because he would have had no business over to the house. He was dropping her daughter off.


Have an opinion?


Send It!

What Girls Said 4

  • First of all, forbidding her from seeing him will just make it worse in multiple ways.

    Secondly, you don't own all her time - this could be a innocent.

    But third and most important, you're very right that this is a bad circumstance and will probably lead to something happening between them. I would find a subtle way to stop it, like move to a new city or have her get a job or get into a fight over something random with him, or tell her that he talked sh*t about her, or anything really. Otherwise, it sounds like danger is on its way... sorry :(

    • Subtle and moving to another city doesn't seem like they go together. But I have talked to her about my feelings and she will be making decisions to accomodate my concern. I just wanted a confirmation that I was not trippin'/over reacting.

  • I didn't read all of this but if my guy was having girls over well I was at work I'd be so pissed off do no it's not OK 4 her to have guys over well you are at work

  • Update, how did things pan out

    • i kept it in a file. took it out of our mainstream media. The relationship didn't last because of her insecurities. A beautiful son came out of it.

    • she was also very upset over it but kept her distance as far as i know.

  • I'm not going to read your really long explanation and I'm just going to answer the question.

    If you trust your wife (and she isn't a total ditz) you should be OK with her having men over. I don't intend on marriage, but right now, Pretty much every single friend I have is a dude. I really hope I wouldn't have to give up all of my friends if I got married.

    • I respect your opinion. So you don't find it a bit disrespectful? Do you see anything wrong with me going to a girlfriends home without my wife?

    • Show All
    • Nobody says you have to give up your friends, but its about respect for your partner. Just because your intentions are good doesn't mean its a good idea, and that applies to many facets of life. It just doesn't look good to your partner. You wouldn't like it if your husband kept bringing women over to the house while you were away, would you?

    • "just because her intentions are good, does not mean it's a good idea." I like that. Couldn't put it better myself.

What Guys Said 4

  • I think first off, if it makes you uncomfortable then you need to do two things. One is do some self-analysis and figure out why you feel this way about the situation. Has she given you reason at all to be concerned? If so, then that is obviously something to address and finish up before you do anything else. Does he give you any reason to worry? Like me, I have a close friend that I know has this unhealthy obsession/clinginess to girls and he can think with his d*** at times. However I know that around a girl I'm interested in, he wouldn't try anything. I have another buddy that is just plain in control and doesn't cross any boundaries from what I can tell so far (just made friends with him not too long ago). If your friend gives you reason to be concerned, then you need to get an understanding as to why before you go to either one about it.

    And that's the next thing to do: approach her about it because it's not wrong to voice discomforts to your partner. I'm quite sure she'd be open to listening and giving feedback. This could be very helpful because it would not only get her attention on what you want to discuss, but talking it out can be very reassuring.

    You're right in that should something bad go down, it's set in stone and will remain forever. This obviously can screw a lot of things up and make tons of things extremely difficult to handle. Before you either lose your mind with anxiety, it won't hurt to talk to her. And again, if she hasn't ever given you a reason to worry before then I think it's mostly up to you to become secure with this.

    • Thanks for the feed back. Anxety is exactly what I feel and my heart races. It's an uncomfortable position to be in. I trust them both today but things don't develope in one sitiing. It builds. Today may be fine but what about the next (two weeks, year from now.) Relationships change in a blink of an eye. it is an insecurity that I have. Learning from others' mistakes. I've learned not to let a cousin, uncle or friend who are male stay with you because relationships do develope. She se

    • Show All
    • Feel better now? :)

  • If you're not sure, set up a hidden video camera. If it turns out the conversation is completely innocent and there's nothing more going on there, don't question it. If you find something on the tape that suggests likewise, confront her with it. Personally, if she wanted to act in good faith and be smart about not setting your mind racing, she shouldn't be having guys over when you're not there.

    • It's not every day that he comes over. In the last 2 months he's been over twice. She 's pregnant so I called to see how she was doing and that's when she told me that he was over. Perhaps I would have never known if I wouldn't have called. She knew I was upset and now I have a fruit basket at my office from her.

    • Given your comment QA, I'm starting to think that its not going to be a big deal, even though I am on your side and bringing people of the opposite gender to the house generally isn't a good idea nor respectful of your partner. He's only averaging one time a month which is not much, plus she didn't seem to try and hide it by telling you he was over which is a very good sign. If she knew she was up to no good, she would be trying to hide it.

    • Everything has been talked over and I feel better now that she understands where I'm coming from. I trust them both don't get me wrong. But something abou having a person from the oposite sex there is very uncomfortable. The posibility of an intimate relationship to build is the concern. She is married to me and for no reason at all should be building intimate relationships with anyone else. We have a great relationship but you just never know.

  • Question: Do I have a right to be bothered if my wife has a man over to our house while I'm at work?

    Answer: No one can tell you how you should feel, but do I think she's anything wrong? No. So long as you are aware that she's seeing him, and that there's no actual evidence of cheating (or the intention to cheat), she hasn't done anything to hurt you. She's allowed guy friends, just as you can have girl friends. You've got to trust her, and give her freedom, or she'll end up resenting you.

    • True. But the oportunity is there for a relationship to incline. Eventually leading to cheating. Not saying that I worry about that right now or that she is going to. Just that I don't want that door there.

  • That sounds shady bro.