Why he doesn't let go when he isn't sure if he still wants to be with me

After all the fights we had because he found out I met some guys friends from internet without telling him when I was traveling in their cities,I met them for getting some info and help,but he said I lied to him and he lost his trust in me..he easily got upset and fought with me in the last two months after he found it out,and we've fought often because of this.

He said he doesn't love me as much as before and doesn't want to waste my time as he isn't sure of us and our future,so he think that it is better we stop now,we both agreed but we could not split up finally,we tried a few times..and because I can't take it when he is sometimes hot,sometimes cold to me,so I tried to break up with him a few times but couldn't make it because he wouldn't let me go,we both can't let go because we still love each other,I am sure of my feelings and what I want,but the problem is him,he doesn't know anymore if he still wants to spend his life with me and is cold and distant sometimes,I can't bear it really when I think about how much he was in love and nice to me before.

All my friends told me that I should just let him go,I know they are right,but I just can't and hoping that he would tell me that he loves me as much still and want to be with me...but his unsure is killing me..

What should I do? why does he want to break up when he still has feelings for me?and why he doesn't let go as he says he should and we both should?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you really love him as you said you did then you will try hard to maintain your relationship with him. But if you feel you love him less then its probably because of the fights you guys are having and your starting to have second thoughts. You need to be sure of your feelings. If you love him, try. Don't let the love of your life go. As for him breaking-up with you. Well he found out that you've been meeting some guys. That hurts when you love someone so much and believe they love you the same way back. What if you were the one who found out he has been meeting other girls. I don't think you would like that. No one would like that. And he probably does have feelings for you. If you guys have been together for a while then he does because of all that time spent together. All of the memories that you guys shared will live with you. Its part of your life as he was to you and vice versa. And In your description you say "we both can't let go because we still love each other...". If he doesn't let go its because he still has feelings for you but he's hurt. He doesn't want to let go the woman he's been with. All the memories he had with you, he probably can't forget. Your friends are telling you to let go, but its your decision. Either you let go of him and find someone else, or stay him him. If you love him then try, don't give up to easy. But if your having second thoughts...then try to find out what your really feeling and then make your decision. Try for now, and if you see that all your trying is for nothing and he's not putting any effort, then maybe you should be that one that lets go and make it clear that your sure of your decision.

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What Guys Said 1

  • It sounds like he's pretty immature and insecure. So, either help him grow up, have some long talks about gaining a new perspective and thinking more about YOUR feelings...

    Or, if you think he's always going to be like this, then make a clean break as soon as possible!

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What Girls Said 3

  • I mean think about it like this. If he were to meet several different girls online or anywhere else in different cities and had plans to meet them and didn't tell you but had the intent on telling you and you found out. How would you feel? How would you react? Doesn't that seem a little suspect to you? Some people will argue that if you have trust then you wouldn't assume anything but it's hard not to jump to conclusions. It's probably the fact you didn't tell him before hand and didn't not include him in the decision and that he had to hear it from someone else. If he is unwilling to work through this..what are you going to do? There isn't anything you can do if he is not going to try. Sometimes people want the show of loyalty but do you really want to wait around for your what if he changes his mind? Is he worth that? It seems as though he doesn't want to. so you should probably tell him that you love him and wanted there to be a future with him but if he really feels that way then you will leave.

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  • He probably doesn't not want to let a good thing go. I'm sure he still loves you and cares for you but once someone looses trust in someone it's hard to gain back and it makes the person feel uneasy and hurt and maybe a bit foolish.

    I suppose he wanted a open relationship and if you just met those guys for help? Or advice? Then it seems like he might not have a had a lot of faith that you wouldn't do anything but then again he might have felt you should have told him because you might have been alone with these men or just the fact far away from him and with people he doesn't know. Maybe you should talk to him about it.

    About how it made him feel and how can you make it work. It must have hurt that he said he didn't love you as much as he did before which I think he may have said out of anger and maybe didn't mean. He shouldn't have lost love maybe a little trust but not the love that he has. So I would talk to him and tell him that you want him and love him and that's what you want and there isn't a doubt in your mind that is what you want and that is why you have stayed. Tell him that you want to rebuild that trust again but you can't do it alone that he has to be willing to. He may be unsure if he wants to be with you but the fact that he is still with you means that there is a part of him that wants to be with you.

    You both should try to come to an understanding. Tell him that you want to start to rebuild the relationship and that he should come to a decision because you both deserve something that will bring you happiness.

    If he doesn't want to continue tell him how you feel and that you understand and try to build something with someone else and he can do the same. Sometimes we hold on to things that we have a hard time letting go..Even if it is for the best.

    At times it may be worth the fight and effort to preserve something that was once so precious. It's up to you to decide. But it's not fair to keep you waiting or to waste time when he knows deep down what he wants and what will make him happy and the same for you. =) hope it helps

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    • I met those guys for help really,nothing else,but no matter how much I explained,he just can't accept the fact that I didn't tell him before and didn't understand why,I told him that I was going to tell him but he found it out before it happened.I also told him that I wanted to be with him and rebuild it again but he said he doesn't think it is possible,he said he really can't believe me anymore no matter what I do or say.not just about guys,anything in general..in this case,should I really let go?

  • HARSH TRUTH

    because you're that hang around girl that he can still toy with and take advantage of your feelings. your the one whos more invested in the relationship than he is. he could care less. listen: when a guy isn't sure he wants to be with you, that's code word for he doesn't want to be with you. you're just convienient to hook up with and mess around with. he doesn't wanna settle down but right now he's taking what he can get from you.

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