Can you be attracted to girl but not know to talk to her?

Say you have no problem talking to anyone but when it is her, you get shy. Why? Say you have no problem bragging about how good you are so she can overheard but one on one conversation is difficult with her. Is it the girl or the guy that is having the problem? Why?

What make her so different or uncomfortable?


Most Helpful Guy

  • way to explain it, is it's both the guy and the girl...

    It's the great gender divide, the chasm between the sexes, the whole "men are from mars, women are from venus" cliche.

    In other words, it's a well-known phenomenon.

    My personal take is that it's natural for a boy and girl who like each other to feel naturally awkward, and even have an inclination to avoid contact. Those feelings and instincts are amplified in someone who is shy.

    The people who don't seem to fall victim to these feelings are those who have learned to follow the various social customs that have been designed for courtship. Growing up, we have to learn how to deal with the opposite gender. We're programmed to be attracted to them, but nothing in our basic programming tells us what to do when we feel attracted. We are helpless without society to tell us what to do...and these days, society isn't even doing that good of a so many young people are confused...

    In short, I am willing to bet you are absolutely on the money when you speculate that this boy is purposely bragging to get your attention. If he was to tell you the truth about why he can easily talk to his other friends but not you, he'd say that you're the only one who "makes his heart skip a beat". Maybe even two beats. Maybe three beats. Maybe if it's bad enough, he's afraid of going into cardiac arrest. Ironically, the more he likes you, the harder it will be for him to speak to you. He tries talking to you and he forgets everything he was going to say. And then of course, there's the fear that his speechlessness will make him seem dumb to you.

    But he's never going to tell you that, because even admitting it to himself will only make the situation worse. I imagine that there's some reaction happening on your end as well though. You're both instinctively avoiding each other, if for no other reason than it seems to be what you both want...but it's not what either of you want, and so that's the irony.

    • The irony of life. I guess I get your point. I am giving up and moving on but I just feel isn't it sad. Don't guys ever regret that if only they were courageous, maybe a spark would happen? Or she is just not worth the effort?

    • Sure, we all have plenty of regrets, but it's not simply an issue of courage.

      More importantly though, you are not powerless in this matter either! You can walk away...or you can try to change things. My advice is not to be looking for this spark. Try to make him see you as a friend and forget all the reasons he's avoiding you. The spark will still happen if it was meant to, but assuming it should happen when he approaches you is the wrong thinking.


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What Guys Said 5

  • I'd say the guy just can't handle talking to her because he likes her. There's no specific reason why, at least not a universal one.

    • I have a guess... the guy is afraid he's gonna "screw something up" by saying the wrong thing. At least in a group, the comments aren't directed towards anyone in particular.

  • The story of my life, afraid of rejection. I might lose a friend, but not someone I might be in love with.

    • Ever though maybe you are not giving the girl a chance?

    • I try to keep my self open, for her to do the move or an apparent move.. but that move maybe even come but I get afraid of being rejected due to a miss understanding or something.. thinking much maybe and not acting ? :)

  • The guy more than not afraid of saying the wrong / in-appropriate thing.

  • Never! OK once in a blue moon

  • Not usually but once in a while I meet a girl that befuddles my ass


What Girls Said 1

  • It can happen but rarely...There aren't to many guys whom are shy who don't attempt to talk to a woman their interested in.