Do men really need that much freedom?

Me and my boyfriend have been living together for about 2 months, and just recently we got into a HUGE FIGHT, where he said he's been thinking about me moving out for a month because he doesn't get enough space.

I agree that we do everything together. We don't have any time apart except for when we are at work.

He told me I am smothering him and he needs more space. He said "What's wrong if you just stay at your dads 2 nights a week, give me a chance to miss you"

We don't have very good sex life, maybe twice every two weeks and I asked him why, and he said "because when I'm angry or unhappy, I don't want to have sex. And if I don't get it one night, I know you'll be there the next day to give it to me anyways..."

He said we need more excitement. He told me he doesn't want me to leave, he just wants enough space and time to miss me.

Is this a good thing? Or is this a bad thing? Is he just trying to push me away?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think that he's trying to push you away per-say. Everyone needs their own space. Now I don't think it should be as dramatic as you moving out or something. I will say that you two need to find your own hobbies that you do by yourself or with friends. When you first move in together you're not used to seeing that person all the time and not being able to do the stupid stuff you used to do when you didn't see them. Moving in together is an adjustment and can be difficult.

    My wife and I have been together for almost 8 years and married for almost 5 of them. We can drive each other crazy so we both have to find things we do without each other. Every morning she takes our son to the local gym drops him off at the daycare and works out. Then she takes him swimming. Sometimes she even has girls night out with her friends or she will go play volleyball with her girlfriends some nights. I myself play golf with some buddies and a have a MANcation once a year when me and my close friends go away for the weekend to go fishing. We also have guys nights out when we might just go to a local bar.

    Finding things to do without each other when you live together is very important. It gives you some time away from each other.

    Now as far as the sex life, I don't know about that one. I think he's getting comfortable with the fact that he knows you're there so he can get it whenever he wants. Don't let that be the case. Still make him work for it like you did when you first started dating, lol.

    • He says he's just so used to being alone. He's not used to having someone sleep next to him every night etc.

    • Show All
    • He says a lot of it has to do with the fact that he was in jail for 2 years, and he was so used to being alone, and being in a quiet confined space. He says he wants me to be around all the time, and that he loves spending time with me, he's just not used to it. I don't know...

    • Sounds like more of a mental thing to me but I'm not a doctor.

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What Guys Said 4

  • He is not pushing you away! And it is a good thing! Let him do stuff alone more and I bet your relationship will get better.

  • It's a good thing. He has correctly identified the source of the problem and instead of just dumping you for being too clingy (like many young guys and girls do) he has told you how to fix the problem.

    Guys do need space.

  • I thinl relationships as we know them.are a thing of the past we will see more and more the riff between men and women in our generation due to the changing sex cuture human nature and the tical accepted gender responsibilities it is all gping to change

  • It sure is not a good thing. This shows that he is not the right guy for you. You can stay with him until you guys break up or you can leave him now. It will end sooner or later.


What Girls Said 1

  • Sounds like he didn't completely think through your new living arrangement before doing it. It's important to get space in a relationship and do your own thing but it's a little odd to me that he wants you to sleep elsewhere for a couple of nights. If you're living together it should be expected that you'd be sleeping in your own home every night. But I do think you should try to at least go out with your friends a bit more and see if that helps.

    • A little background.

      A couple of years ago, he was in jail. For 2 years...he's a changed person now but he said he was so used to being alone, and being in a confined space where it was always quiet that he's not used to having someone around so much.