What can I tell my friend who is going through a rough relationship?

Okay my friend just found out her boyfriend (long distance relationship) lied to her about not hanging out with his former friend with benefits, who is apparently into drugs and was a stripper. She and him had a big fight and he agreed to not see her again but when she found out he was with her on the 4th of July, through a post on his Facebook with her tagged, it all came out that he never stopped seeing her.

My friend feels hurt and is confused, she says she really loves him and can't leave him, she has tried many times in the past and he always talks her into coming back, this time she is so unsure she says she wants to leave but I can tell she just doesn't know.

My place in all this, I am the guy she calls when she is upset, I get the 2am phone calls of her crying, I get 10am phone calls of her trying to sort out what she should do about the situation. She says she always turns to me because I calm her down, and I feel bad because I haven't been doing very good at that lately, partly because I have run out of supportive things to say, and partly because its hard to be much of anything when you are woken up right as you are sleeping.


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What Girls Said 2

  • I would say what I would do if I were in her situation: dump him and wait for a guy who'll treat her with the respect she deserves.

    You can't really say a lot of things in that situation, just that she deserves better, that he's no good for her, that she'll end up hurt anyway so she might end things now before he'll hurt her even more.

    But that could be seen as trying to break them up. So I would just say that once and if he still hurts her I'd say: you know what I said...

    Apart from that you could tell her that she could try and work things out, but once the trust is gone it's hard to regain, especially when they live far from each other.

    To be honest, I don't see a good future for them, but it's up to her to learn the lesson, either by you telling her or the hard way by finding out.

    Just tell her how you feel about the whole situation and apart from that, tell her how much she's worth, that she deserves better and he's no good for her. That she should be treated with respect. The only other thing you can do is listen. Talking about it might make her feel better even if you don't have a lot of things to say.

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    • That's what I usually do, I just listen and try be be as calming as I can be, but her wake up call this morning, I tried to be like that and she said "I called you because you usually calm me down, but I still upset" And it bothers me, that I seem to not be having the same effect on her as I usually do

    • The only person that could make her less upset is that guy who's treating her like crap. So as long as he's in the picture, I think you're doing your best by being there for her, telling her the truth and listening to her stories. Unless that guy switches behavior 180 degrees and starts acting like a man instead of an ass, she'll be upset, hurt, crying and all over your phone...

      Ask her if there's anything you can do for her. I don't think there's nothing much more you can do...

  • Tell her to leave him, and if not, to not bother you about her choices in stayng with a bad cheating boyfrend. And don't answer her call.

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    • I don't like telling her to leave him, if she wants to hear that her mother is always front and center to tell her that, I am not a person who won't answer when a friend needs to talk, I have told her eventually if she keeps on being with him I will eventually stop talking to her about it as there are only so many times I can tell her my same opinion and nothing has happened to change my opinion on the matter

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