I'm 22, live with parents, and have many family problems that I can't seem to get away from the moment. Whenever my parents lecture me and put me down, I get upset like anyone else would, but I don't let it get me down to the point where I'm a total pessimist and live in depression, etc. Although, I usually try to be optimistic about the problems, I still would like comfort from my boyfriend. There is nothing better than having someone you love tell you that they care. However, it has gotten to the point where he doesn't want to comfort me anymore over my parents. He thinks I should help myself. In this case, there is really not much I CAN do about my problems other than working hard to get myself out of the house ASAP. I can't stand up to my parents because I know well that it will only make things worse, but my boyfriend doesn't see that I am really trying all that I can and the least he can do is be there for me when I need someone. He has told me he's tired of hearing about my problems and asks why I can't just do something to help myself instead of him having to comfort me because they are my problems and he doesn't want to be a part of it. It has been putting me in the gutter recently because I feel like I can't confide in anyone. Whenever he has problems, my ears are always open to listen to him and comfort him. I don't have a problem to keeping things to myself and not needing his comfort anymore, but then what is the purpose of having a boyfriend then? It seems so black and white. What can I do?
Most Helpful Guy
Well, three possibilities, and let's hope its 3, but I'll run through them anyway:
1) maybe he's just not that caring. Which would mean ... he's not a keeper.
2) maybe you really do complain a ton, in which case, you need to learn to self-sooth more.
3) guys don't tend to share problems and comfort each other. They share problems only when stuck. Other guys communicate their confidence in the guy by suggesting some advice to 'fix the problem'. Its a standard male-female communication issue that women want to talk 'about' a problem, but guys want to 'fix' it. But fixing is what guys do when they care (and what makes guys feel better when they have the problem). So he may feel like he's tried to 'fix' your problem. You just want him to acknowledge your feelings. So try telling him directly you don't need or expect him to 'solve' your issue. He may feel powerless and upset about being unable to fix things for you. He may also have no idea that simply being there makes you feel better. You could try explaining to him how much he helps you by listening and comforting. He probably feels he's failing you, but if he knows he's doing a lot, he might be better about it. Worth a shot.0