Is it a good idea to be in a relationship with a guy who still lives at home at 31?

Hi I was just wondering if anyone else here has had problems going with guys who still live at home.

I was recently with this guy who seemed perfect and did all these wonderful things for me. It was looking to be a really great relationship until one day he suddenly changed. He started to have all these issues with me that he never brought up before. He found fault in the suburb I live in, came out and said that he doesn't like cats (I own a cat and NO I'm not some crazy cat lady who idolizes her cat above people), he went on about my family not been suited to his (even though he has only met my mother and only for a short one off time) and then went on about how I don't wear makeup (I have clear skin and don't see why I should have to wear it, besides that he never noticed I didn't wear until I mentioned it to him, he just thought I applied it lightly but I only use a medicated cream which prevents that oily shine and redness). It was as if everything about me wasn't good enough. He came over to my place two days after saying all this in an email and never said a word about any of it to me. He suggested that I should dress in clothes that quite honestly only a skank would wear, in order "to make other men jealous of him" . I was offended at the suggestion and told him I shouldn't have to do that and that other men do not enter the equation when I am in a relationship. I tried to reach a compromise with him by telling him I would dress nicer if he wanted and tried to gently tell him that I can't exactly get rid of the cat just to please him but would be happy to put the cat outside if he wasn't comfortable with the cat being around. However it still wasn't good enough. I ust don't understand :( I'm paying off a two bedroom apartment on a single wage yet he was earning twice as much as me and still living off his parents, he doesn't even contribute to the rent. He should have been able to comfortably afford his own place and gain some independence but he just can't seem to move out. His parents have no need for him there, in fact they wanted to downsize to a smaller place in order to retire. I am wondering now if any other women have had trouble with grown men still living at home not being able to compromise in a relationship because he always seems to get very defensive, even cold, when things don't go his way. Are there other women out there who have had the same trouble with men who still live at home? He just seems so childish every time he wouldn't get his own way he would threaten to walk out. Why doesn't he realize that he has his own faults as well and that I have come to accept them? How do you reach a middle ground?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Living at home at any age is perfectly normal its our modern western way of thinking that we all need to move out as soon as possible that is messed up, not contributing at home if your still there is f***ed up tho.

    This guy has got issues! He's insecure, a hypocrite, selfish and shallow to name a few obvious issues from your post, he seems to me like he's got allot of growing up to do still.

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    • That's my view. I can understand not wanting to move out because you are comfortable where you are. Being close to everything and everyone you know can be a real bonus but not contributing to the household leads me to think this might be the reason he is not able to contribute to a relationship. Leaves me to wonder how many other poor girls out there are going to face the same dilema with him.

    • ya so true, sucks for them...

What Guys Said 3

  • It's not a problem at all as long as he's contributing something to the household. If he's just looking for a free ride, then that's pretty sad.

    On the other hand, it sounds like he has far worse issues that you need to pay attention to than him living at home.

    Either way, good luck.

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  • Living at home isn't strange, in this economy with people being unemployed its sometimes necessary (and yes I have personal experience with this). But yeah the other stuff he does is strange.

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  • i don't see anything wrong with it, society and culture is messed up like this

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What Girls Said 1

  • Guys living at home with parents are NOT the problem, but doing so because they want a free-easy home/cook/maid ... is. >.< This guy never concerns about anything other than himself. To me, if a guy doesn't want to take good care of his own parents, there's no way he can love or take care of his girlfriend. He'd better look for a sugar-mama.

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