I can't tell what's going on with her?

In November, I a girl we'll call S, and she gave me her phone number and we texted a bit for a week, but then the texts dried up completely and I figured things were over and I would move on. A few times after that, I went with some friends to the bar that S worked at and never saw her there so I didn't know if she wasn't working there anymore or not. During that time, I met a girl we'll call C. I talked with C as nothing more than friends because I still wanted to find more out about S.

C told me she had just gotten out of an abusive relationship, so I assumed she was single. A month later, in December, I invited her to a party as a friend because I figured she might want to get away from things for a little and hang out, this was only as a friend. She said she wanted to go, but when the night came for the party she never showed so I went without her. Later that night I went to the bar and saw C. She apologized over and over and said that her ex showed up and caused some major problems and she had to miss the party and stuff. None of that was any of my business because it was her personal life, so I just said to forget about it, it's not that big of a deal.

Still December, I decided I would text S again to see if she would answer, and she did and said she wanted to see me. We met up and started talking again, however this time instead of the texts drying up, we eventually began dating, and dated until April. During this time, I still talked with C a lot because we were friends. During the time that I was dating S, girl C got back with her abusive ex. I didn't know because I didn't really ask about her personal life. Apparently around February, C broke up with her ex for good.

I asked C about the night she didn't go to the party, and she said she really regretted not going because if she had paid attention, maybe she could have been in S's place, but she didn't and she lost her chance. Three months later I broke up with S because of some bad stuff S had done. I told C, and C asked if that meant she had a shot.

I spent a few months really messed up in the head and hung up on S, and C could tell. She said she wanted to find "someone like me" because she knew I wasn't ready for another relationship. She also once said she really wished she had the chance to date me. Since then, we have hung out a lot, and actually gotten a bit drunk and have slept with each other couple times. I still wasn't ready for a relationship, she could tell, and said she was also not ready for one (a change from what she said before), and that she didn't want a distance relationship (she moved to a city a couple hours away).

I have since cleared my head, gotten over my ex, and decided I really like C and I told her. She said she doesn't want a relationship because she's enjoying being single. However, she is still very affectionate, tells me she loves me, and even said she wants to move back to my city. I have no idea what she's thinking or how to continue with this.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • That's an unfortunate.. and odd situation. I know you like her, but I get the feel like C is kinda flaky.. like she didn't show up at the party, and now she wanted a relationship, but now she likes being single, but she still loves you want wants to move back.. I don't doubt that she has feelings for you, but I'd be wary that you might be sort of a rebound (NOW DONT GET ME WRONG, rebounds turn into great relationships sometimes. I've done it.) She likes you for who you are, and she loves the attention you give her, and everythings great, but then why doesn't she want to commit? She's definitely not ready because of her last relationship, but make sure you're not put in the position where SHE goes out and acts all single (while coming back and saying she loves you) while you sit around and stay with her. I think it's the case where she likes the attention, and she likes YOU its just not enough to tie her down.

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    • She got her life as an adult start really early. She was married within like a year of graduating high school. She's no longer with him obviously. She then had a relationship with the ex I mentioned who was abusive for like 5 years. She said she has made bad choices in men in the past and she feels like she lost a lot of her life because of it. I think she might be afraid of commitment, and even though she knows I'm nothing like either of them, isn't sure of things. But she acts so differently.

    • Well being afraid of commitment is an ingrained thing, and just because she recognizes that you're different doesn't mean that she can shake that fear =/

What Girls Said 1

  • She is telling you she enjoys being single dude.and she's not ready for a relationship.she enjoys sex without commitment obviously.if that is what your into go for it.I would not rely on this person for a secure,monogomous relationship.she enjoys your companionship and sex.plain and simple. If you want a commitment she isn't the one.she already told you that.

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    • The thing is, she did want a relationship, then she didn't, but she acts like she does. I am pretty sure by how she acts she really doesn't want to be single. She said before she wanted a chance to be with me, but considers me her best friend and she doesn't want to make any mistakes because then she might not be able to have me at all. I just can't figure out why the signals are so mixed.

    • She needs to get her life together.it would be good for her to figure out what she want to do with the rest of her life.and because she was in an abusive relationship for five years,she needs counseling.other wise she may just gravitate from one bad relationship to another unfortunately.

What Guys Said 1

  • weird huh, try getting back with S as an experiment, I bet C will be all willing to date you again...

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    • That ship has long, long since sailed. The things S did are unforgivable and I will never go back to her. She actually texted me 3 weeks ago after she saw me out and about, and C knows about it and I showed her the texts. S talked about how much she missed me and such, but there is no way I'd ever take her back after what she did.

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    • I doubt it... If it's opportunity why not LA or NY?

    • She doesn't want to leave the state because that's too far from her family. Just because they're not around as much as she thought doesn't mean she wants to leave them behind by going that far away. She also doesn't really like cities THAT big and she's not a professional that needs that type of opportunity.

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