Girls - Am I wrong for being against a friend going out with a guy while dating another guy?

So this friend of mine is dating this guy. Its a long distance relationship and not going well, they fight and such but never break up. She met this guy locally and he asked her out. I told her it was my opinion that her going out with another guy, and not telling either guy about the other was wrong.

At first I was really vocal about my objection as plenty of women have done that to me and it always ends up hurting me. But then I realized that I was being a little harsh because of my past experiences, so I mellowed out and told her that was just my opinion and she could do what she wants, but I still feel like its wrong.


Most Helpful Girl

  • That's a hard one- I've been in the same situation before, only with a male friend. I would agree that seeing someone else without telling the person you're dating is wrong- I always figure being up front is the best policy. I mean, some people are fine with a casual relationship where both people are free to date other people, some people aren't. I don't care what the parameters of a relationship ARE as long as they're clear and both people are willing to play by them honestly. I'm guessing in this siutation that's not the case.

    What I did with my friend was tell him I thought he was making a bad choice, that while I loved him and knew he was a good person, I couldn't respect what he was doing. I left it at that because, well, it's his life and he has to live with the consequences. Bascially, if people, even your friends and/or family are set on a path there's no real way to stop them even if you wish you could. You can tell them what you think, but after that it's up to them. The hard part is accepting it and sticking by them even when you're not seeing their best side, but that's what loving someone means...I think you've done all you can do, best to just leave it alone for now or you'll hurt the friendship.

    • Its the accepting it and sticking by her part that is hard for me. Her situation only serves to remind me of my past and it bugs me. Yet I am the person she confides in, so she is always talking to me about this sensitive issue that she knows bugs me.

    • I definitely hear you- my guy friend did this after a guy I'd been seeing had told me he actually had a girlfriend back home but wanted me to be his "away" girlfriend. For awhile I was SO mad at my friend because he KNEW how much it upset me. But here's the thing- we've been friends for a very long time,he's stuck by me through some hard times and some times when I wasn't at my best, so I stuck by him. If it really bugs you,ask her not to discuss it anymore that way it doesn't have to be constant salt in the wound.


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What Girls Said 5

  • It is kind of stupid to be dating two people at the same time without the other people knowing what's up. Just because a long distance relationship isn't working doesn't mean she should be seeing other guys.

    It's dishonouring the relationship and will only cause more problems.

    If she wants to date this guy she should have dumped her long distance boyfriend. Obviously she is moving on. And their relationship doesn't sound too healthy, plus her dating someone else just shows how uncommitted she is to that relationship.

    I would be upset too if that was my friend. But you know what, she is making her bed and soon she will lay in it. One of the guys is bound to find out about the other, and then her games will come back to bite her in the butt.

  • well, of course dating two people is not something anyone would recommend. But, the question here is whether you have any business in her personal matter. O f course you should tell her that its wrong on her part but you shouldn't get all worked up about it. Let people learn from their life experiences. It is not something as grave as a criminal offense that it needs your active intervention.

    • I think my problem with it is even after I have told her that I feel its wrong and even after I told her that this reminds me of a past experience, that she knows really hurt me, she continues to talk to me about it, she comes to me for support and for me its a sore spot, as I have been in this exact situation before and it ended badly.

  • No its called having morals and values.

  • No, I would be against it too.

    Women like that can ruin it for other women later.

    • When she talks about it I can't help but get horrible flashbacks. She did tell the local guy that she is in a complicated situation, but still falls into what other women have done to me in the past I am fairly scared by these types of acts. I am the person she talks to most, so I get to be the person she calls and tells all about this situation that makes me feel like crap. Its not like she is trying to do the wrong thing she is a good person just in a tricky situation

    • Hmm .. I see.

  • She doesn't owe the new guy anything, she doesn't have to tell him anything after one date and one meeting. The long distance guy won't last either so she might as well move on, how does she know he isn't doing the same thing to her? I don't think its a big deal but I can see how you'd be upset because you're thinking of it happening to you. I don't think she's wrong, I'd have encouraged her to give it a shot and go ahead and break up with her old bf

    • when it happened to me I was not told, and I thought I had a shot and thought things were nice, until it got to the point where she told me. By then I was already invested in her and still thought it could work out as she told me the other guy was nearly out the door. But in the end I was just a distraction she didn't care for me like I did her and even when the other guy was gone, I still wasn't something she was wanting. If I knew about things from the start I would'n have gotten so invested

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