Too many questions. feeling guilty. Why does he bother?

I have a guy friend and I can't seem to figure out if he likes me. Lot's of flirting, intrusive questions etc. He teases me a lot about relationships and wants to know about who I am dating and I am fed up because he doesn't ask me out. Instead he tells me that I need to be more aggressive. I get frustrated and sometimes I catch myself being a bit harsh with him, to the point where I think it affects his ego. The last time we met I said a few things that upset him and I realize now I totally gave him the friend vibe. Despite the harsh comments he still wants to hang out and meet with me every week. I found out that he is dating another girl, which he did not want to disclose to me so I don't get why he bothers with me. I'm really not sure what to do with him and I can't seem to just let things be. Help?!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Possibilities are:

    >[he doesn't ask me out. Instead he tells me that I need to be more aggressive]

    He's shy or afraid to ask you () and he would find it reassuring if you asked.

    >[Despite the harsh comments he still wants to hang out and meet with me every week. ]

    He wouldn't do that if he disliked you.

    >[dating another girl, which he did not want to disclose to me]

    Might it be fake, to tickle a bit of jealousy?

    >[I can't seem to just let things be. Help?!]

    Well, talk to him. Push him against a wall, a spot in his eyes:

    [menacing cops voice, Dirty Harry style]

    "Now, boy, you're gonna tell me the truth, all the truth and nothing but the truth! Or else..."

    [/cops voice]

    Then, talk with him:

    talking helps a lot more than guessing or interpreting body language.

    Do you see what I'm hinting at?

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What Guys Said 2

  • He himself suggested that you be more aggressive, take him at his word. Tell him that you were thinking of going to (insert destnation here), but that you didn't feel like going alone. Ask him if he has any plans for that evening, and see what happens. What's the worst that could happen? Why continue to be frustrated by him.

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    • I have invited him to events but he always tells me he has other evets to attend. He will only hang out with me when he is near my place, which usually means lunch or dinner aftwerwards. If he is so busy and I tell him not to bother, and he is dating someone else then why does he bother? What's also annoying is that after every email he always poses a question when he really isn't. i.e. Let's do dinner Wednesday? or we can go to the gym after my meeting? or if let''s play that game you like?

    • Sounds like you're ready for a relationship, and he isn't. Tell him that your enjoy his company, but that you're only interested in being involved with someone that wants to see each other exclusively, and possibly looking toward building a future together. Way too much grief and heartache in what you're doing now. I've been there. It's time for him to step up to the plate or move on. Cut him out of your life completely if he's not serious. Who needs pain? We have enough of that already.

  • You're thirty; you must know what's going on here. Yes he likes you, but he is in a relationship, so he is flirting with you to massage his ego. We all do it, men and women a like. Were he to split with the GF, sure he would ask you out. In mean time he does like you, so wants to see you happy and that's why he is giving you advice about finding a boyfriend.

    Long and short, he likes you but has a girlfriend so won't be asking you out.

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