Wait for someone who probably doesn't exist, or lower your standards. Which would you rather do?

I'm a complicated person, not going to go into detail. I've pretty much given up on dating and relationships because the kind of girl I like probably doesn't exist and quite frankly, I'm fine going alone in life rather than lower my standards.

Was wondering if anyone else was as crazy as me. So which would you rather do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Ah, man. You are my like my TWIN, lol. I am EXACTLY the same.

    I'm a loner (By choice), 26 and I've only been in one relationship (Again, by choice). I've mentioned in your other Question that I've never really been interested in committed relationships, but I've also never met the quality girl that makes me want to settle down. I truly believe I can grow old happily without a partner.

    +1 for the "crazy as me" crowd.

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What Girls Said 9

  • Well, it might sound silly, but one of my elementary school teachers told me once never to settle for anything but excellence. Those words have stuck with me, and though it may be easier or simpler to lower my standards for anything in life, I wouldn't. Just because it's my opinion that if you lower your standards, you already take yourself out of the game for even possibly winning something greater.

    I wouldn't wait either, though. In my experience, nothing ever happens to me when I wait for it. Things usually happen when I least expect it. Since you're fine being alone, I would just continue living life.

    And maybe I've read too many books, seen too many movies, but the person you end up falling in love with may not always be what you envisioned your perfect partner to be. It's all a matter of being open and receptive to the love that's already out there

    Lol, I don't know :P I write too much. Anyway, best of luck, and I hope you don't give up on relationships! :)

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  • I would just wait for the person who makes me happy and settle for no less. I wouldn't be with someone who doesn't make me happy just because I want to be with someone. Ya know? I think happiness is the key word when it comes to a boy-girl relationship. And it is a definite must.

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  • There are 4 types of people:

    People who watch things happen

    People who wish things would happen

    People who make things happen

    And people who wonder "what the hell just happened?!"

    Don't spend your time waiting for this 'perfect' someone who is going to 'complete' you. Chances are if you put too much emphasis on the other person, you will end up disappointed, because even someone who is perfect for you, is not perfect.

    Rather than waiting, experience life! Become the sort of guy that your 'perfect' girl deserves to be with. Make things happen in your life and then your love life will eventually fall into place.

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  • i think its crazy to be with someone you have no reason to be with. I wouldn't look fir a relationship. if I happen to meet someone I actually really want to be with & we respect & care for each other, I try it. but I'm not going go boyfriend shopping & wind up with mr ed. the talking horse. or some crazy-disrespectful- hypocritical -narcissistic- double standard making -jumping to conclusions instead of discussing things rationally - distorting history -self serving -self centered-tantrm having-prick.

    that would be, silly.

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  • Well, if it's something plausible, I wouldn't lower my standards if I were you.

    I'm young, so you probably won't take much thought of this. I've been in a few relationships where I settled, just because I thought I wouldn't get any better. Then, I met my current boyfriend. I couldn't even imagine a better guy for me!

    He's about your age, and I like to imagine I'm exactly what he wants (he's told me that before anyways), so you still have a chance! :P

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  • I would rather wait for someone who probably doesn't exist. I think being hopeful is better than being with someone who don't fit your standards. It's not worth it. I would be much more happier single than be with someone who makes me kind of happy.

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  • Both, I would lower SOME of my standards to be resonable but the ones I strongly believe n, I'll wait for that guy to come around and meet them.

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  • i would rather go alone because in able for two people to be together they have to at least be on the same level

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  • i agree with you sir. I'm not afraid of being alone. I would rather be alone then with someone I was convinced of.

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What Guys Said 7

  • Well...it depends on how high the person's "standards" are.

    Cauz let's be honest...some people (imo more girls than guys) daydream about their perfect partner.

    Then reality sets in. People have imperfections, shortcomings, past experiences that aren't rosy, health / psychological problems, etc.

    ------------

    Now if your standards by standards of the masses aren't outrageous (like me)...me personally, I would "wait it out".

    I'm not complaining about being lonely by any sense of the imagination. What I'm saying is that my standards I know are reasonable.

    I'd fall into the "wait for someone who probably doesn't exist" category, because frankly my standards don't need adjusting; they're not outrageous.

    Now SOME people who have laundry lists of deal breakers...now THOSE people should lower their standards.

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    What type of girl are you looking for that you think "doesn't exist", QA?

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    • 1 - Self - Aware and Intelligent

      2 - Pretty

      3 - Likes similar interests (Anime, Games), not a pre-requisite of course, just a strong sweetener to the deal

      4 - Does not have a history of being a horndog

      Yeah, I might as well be looking for a unicorn. But ah well.

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    • It does, dude. Keep searching. She's out there! 8-)

    • Try changing your mindset from...

      ...

      ..."what do I want in a partner?"...

      ...

      ...to "what flaws in my partner am I willing to accept?"

  • I used to be that crazy. Then I realized, standards are just a illusion. A statement of self-worth, that you deserve this certain type of gal. Gotta wake up to the truth. -She- doesn't deserve someone so anal. I also noticed that I liked certain qualities in one gal that I didn't in a previous one. Like shyness. One girl was a very annoying shy, the type that doesn't ever into your eyes, etc. The other was a very cute shy, she was able to laugh at herself and her shyness. You'll come to realize this too someday.

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    • There's definitely truth to what you say. I like your point. I'll sit on that one for a while. Though, I do have to ask, am I being unfair or hypocritical? I live and apply these standards very strictly to myself, something a lot of people cannot claim to do. If I'm to look for a partner, I don't mind if we're as different as night and day, as long as these standards are held, I'm perfectly fine with it.

  • Lower my standards. You're never going to find the perfect girl until you look past her flaws in the beginning, get to know her well, and then much later on down the road realize how f***ing perfect she is. Obviously if there are some major deal breakers, I won't settle for her, but if she seems decent with just a few flaws at first, I'll easily move past them.

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  • Have higher standards in a relationship, lower standards for trying one out.

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    • Ah okay, thanks for the vote in confidence. You know some people would view me as crazy, like, legitimately crazy for being okay with being alone. Secondly, you really need to know that I love different people, opinions, views on life, it's great. We really don't have to have similar interests, just willingness to try is enough. If you don't like it, that's perfectly fine. But I have a set of standard moral codes I live by, something I define the mark of a friend or romantic partner.

    • If you do not live by this code, we simply can't be friends, or romantic partners. There are only three, and very liberal. But for the sake of this message board I will say what one of them are. Let's just say I value self-control, not letting your impulses (be it materialistic, sexual, etc) completely control your mind and speak over your integrity. That's all I'll say. That's very hard to find in this society.

  • Improve yourself then raise your standards.

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    • You're making it better for yourself but worse for other people, not everyone is capable of such rapid self improvement. Not your average person anyhow.

  • weird, how I was thinking the same thing today; that if I never find the one, I'm fine dieing alone.

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  • Wait for the someone that doesn't exist. I don't even think my standards are remotely high to be honest. Settling won't be fulfilling and will probably end in divorce/break up anyway.

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