Will you seriously change for someone?

I just ended a 7 years relationship. We've come to a dead end. Our relationship wasn't moving forward and things were not improving and I realized I had been settling for second best. All the while I was hoping he will change and improve. 7 years is a long time for a girl to wait on a guy. So tell me, will guys ever change even if this change is better for himself? For example, help out around the house, spend more time with your significant other, plan your future and save up together (at the cost of spending time with clients or on business matters)?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It takes a lot of time and will for someone to change, and for myself, I had to do it for selfish reasons. I was so angry at the world; mostly because of this annoyed/depressed feeling I had 24/7. I did not once look at myself and think; maybe these feelings are coming from the way I chose to think. But instead I blamed the world. I took it out on everyone around me. If you screwed up, I made sure you knew about it, if you misspoke you would have me breathing down your throat.

    All I wanted was to feel good, to feel at peace. I was one day fuming around an incident I had with a friend, when I realized that the emotions I was feeling was coming from within, and not from my friend and instantly felt better, as I started reading about anger management, and how to get along with people learning that you don’t always have to be right. Learning to let arguments go ( most arguments are pointless and only make both parties feel horrible afterward ), and reading quotes like “a man convinced against his will is still a man with the same opinion”, just keep hitting home for me.

    Life is no longer a misery for me. I in fact have found a real love for talking to people, where previously I had run on the arrogant assumption that I was the most important person on the planet, so people should be talking to me. Just makes me laugh now that I think about it.

    I’ve only ever really loved one woman. Our last year together, I’m sure I made her cry every day. I love her so much, and I would always think, I got to treat her better, but it never happened. Pride, selfishness, and anger combined, blinded me to my foolish behavior.

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    • Wow. Well, thanks. I really hope my ex will learn to see his issues too and deal with it. I still do care about him and I am glad he decided to be good friends. Thanks again for sharing.

What Guys Said 6

  • For myself, if a woman I loved showed me things about myself that they saw as a bad habit or offered me a different perspective on myself and I didn't like what they saw in me, then I would change, not just for myself, but for her sake. If on the other hand, they showed me something that they didn't like about me but I didn't have an issue with, I may not want to change because I might feel it compromises who I am as a person.

    I feel that any person that chooses to change the way they live their life should only change for themselves. A significant other may bring about cause to want to change but I feel that the change must still be for oneself.

    To suggest that one of the people in a relationship change and simply do specific tasks isn't really asking for change but rather more of a demand that that person do what you want them to. This, I feel, is one of the biggest mistakes when a partner is asked to "change". I feel that change is something that should be a collaborative effort when it comes to general responsibilities. These are things like doing the laundry, cleaning up the dishes, making dinner etc. These are chores that need to be done as part of daily life and both parties need to be willing to work together as a team to get them done. So in this case the change that would be asked for isn't more help around the house, but a willingness to work together towards a common goal. I feel that people will not change who they are unless they feel the change is something they want to do for themselves. In some cases people don't see a need to change even if there is one and so simply telling someone to change will do nothing until they can see the need.

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  • Personally, I would hope I'd be good enough not to have to make a lot of serious changes. But if it's an improvement to something seriously wrong that is hurting the relationship? I'd think so. It might take a little time and some patience, depending on what it was... but, yes, I could see it, if I really needed to, and I loved the woman/myself enough to, then yes.

    Most of the things I would think would be relatively little. Help around the house more? I'd try to do that anyway, but yes, if my lady felt she needed it, and gave me some ideas on things she needed help on, sure. Like I said, though, I'd probably want to keep family and quality time with my future wife as being relatively high up on the list anyway.

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  • Depends on what you mean by change. Some compromise is needed in any relationship, but ultimately if I change it will be because I want to change for myself. I would never change because someone was trying to henpeck me. Could be the two of you were just incompatible.

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    • I think so. I've come to that conclusion in the end: that we were not compatible to begin with. Thanks.

  • I think some people change, but one shouldn't get in a relationship hoping someone will.

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    • Oh, guys are different when we first meet. You show us an ideal character we want to date and hopefully marry someday but later on, your true colors come out and by then it's too late. You've stolen the girl's heart and she finds it hard to let go. Oh well, that's what happened in my case anyway. My mistake was staying in the relationship too long and always hoping...

    • That's not relevant to what you asked. The guy never changed. He just lied to you in the beginning. Thanks for insulting me, btw.

    • Haha. Sorry, no insult meant here. Just venting my frustration. Please forgive me. Thank you for your feedback.

  • Well if you are speaking of changing character & personality then not likely...and not even likely to change habits...girls on here get weird if you say you would like them to use less cheek makeup or grow some pubic hair...but I would make appearance changes...grow or cut a moustache...But seriously people rarely change...that is an age old problem with many females...always think they are going to "change him"...o.O

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    • So true. Sigh...

    • Well...wish I could be more helpful...but you sound like you see reality...so that much is good...message or chat with me any time...(:(:(:

  • No one changes. They just fake it temporarily, and then go back to old habits.

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What Girls Said 1

  • i' would change if I really have bad personality need to change:D

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    • Do you think that you have a bad personality? Let us use me for an example: Would you allow me to give you oral? Would you share your pee with me? If you were shaved..would you grow your pubic hair for me...if the answer to that is yes..then we are sexually compatible...but could you REALLY change your personality for someone else..like me?

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