Body Image? Race? How important is a flat stomach and being the same race? HELP please

I am in a semi-long distance relationship with a guy who goes to school where I live, but went home for the summer. Before he went home we were just hooking up and hanging out pretty much everyday, but when he left we weren't official and never discussed anything, so I assumed we weren't dating. He asked me to visit him for a wedding a month after he left and when I came down he introduced me to his family and friends as his girlfriend, who told me he always talks about me and refers to me as that.

The thing is that I like him a lot, and wanted him to be exclusive to me because I can't stand thinking about him wanting anyone else, but I hate myself and can't get past that. I've recently lost a lot of weight (from a size 14 to 9) and I look good in clothes, but I have saggy skin (especially on my stomach like a frown) and strechmarks. I always fiddle with my shirt during when we start to get intimate and he doesn't take it off a lot of the time and that makes me feel just as bad. And once my shirt was riding up and he pulled it down and I almost cried on spot.

And I know it shouldn't bother me when he calls other girls pretty but he'll refer to people like Emma Stone who are the complete opposite of me. I'm mixed (black and white) and I always feel like he find white girls more attractive and my race is always brought up and it bothers me even if it is jokingly. I feel so awkward being darker than him and bigger than him and almost as tall as him (I'm 5'10").

He always calls me pretty and is the sweetest guy. He tells me everyday he misses me and wants to be with me and even dirty things.

I'm just feeling very insecure and I want to talk to him but first I'd like to ask if any of you guys know if those things seem to matter to him and if its hopeless to continue on with him.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • "And once my shirt was riding up and he pulled it down and I almost cried on spot."

    Was this during a time when he would normally have been UNDRESSING you, or was sex not happening at that particular moment in time? If you weren't getting ready to have sex, then he was just adjusting your clothes for you, which has as much meaning as tucking in a tag that's hanging out. Nothing more.

    I leave my girlfriend's shirt on sometimes during sex, but only because the pants are already off and we're both ready to get to it.

    "He always calls me pretty and is the sweetest guy. He tells me everyday he misses me and wants to be with me and even dirty things."

    Yeah, you're basically like my girlfriend. I tell her I love her, call her beautiful, talk dirty to her, grab/smack her ass to a level that almost reaches obsession, and she doesn't believe a word of it. It actually sort of hurts my feelings, sometimes. Like my opinion of her is the least important one in the world, when it SHOULD be exactly the opposite.

    Anyway, sounds to me like your boyfriend loves you, and he loves your body, and you should listen to him when he tells you that instead of assuming that he obsesses over all these stupid little minor things that you've decided you hate about yourself.

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What Guys Said 3

  • We cannot say what is important for this guy. Those two things might matter to some, but certainly not to all.

    You should focus on the nice things he's already said instead of worrying about something he might not even think about.

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  • Flat stomach? Not very important.

    Being the same race? A must.

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  • Well, just because he finds Emma Stone attractive or generally prefers white girls, it doesn't mean he only likes them. It's just a preference, not a deal breaker for everyone.

    You're also probably harder on your stomach than he is. It's not a big deal. Do you think he can tell that you feel uncomfortable about it? Because it kind of sounds that way.

    I think if you need to air it out with him, you should.

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