New realtionship moved too fast and is stalling now

We met online. (He is divorced of 1 1/2 years and is 42 yrs old. I am widowed of 4 years 45 years old) he is very caring honest highly educated loyal man. We He is of a mold only a few men are made from. Talked on the phone for a month which we would talk almost every night for about 2 hours at a time. We are very compatible. We feel like we have know each other for years. We met spent a weekend together (We did not sleep together) and the following weekend I went to his home town and spent a weekend together. He initiated the step of me sleeping in his bed instead of a guest room and yes the first night he made the move and we made love and the next night too. We spent a wonderful weekend together gazing in each others eyes taking long walks. He introduced me to some friends he invited over for dinner. Even his boss ( they are good friends and he was over the first night to help him hook up a new TV) .When it came time for me to leave he was a bit emotional because I was leaving which made me feel the same way. After some tears I said he had my heart and he reciprocated. Then the words "I love you came out of our mouths. He said he had felt it for a while but was afraid to say it because he was afraid it was to soon to say. we spent the next weekend together but there was no intimacy. we had a 2 week break due to a trip I was on. I came home and spent a Sunday together with him and his son because he wanted me to meet him. No intimacy.The following weekend he brought his son and we did a museum trip for his sons enjoyment. (son is 6 and he has stolen my heart also) I could tell there was something wrong. He admitted to periods of long uncontrollable crying and was afraid he was slipping into depression. This would explain the reason he drew back from me. Went to his psychologist and that is not the case. He says we went to fast.He wanted to break it off because he is not sure if his feelings will go any deeper and does not want to lead me on. After talking and rationalizing things realizing we do care about each other and the break up would not be because we had differences or incompatibility. We agreed to slow things down considerably. No intimacy, and we will see each other in 2 weeks.How can I bring back the mystery, what can I do to jump start this relationship. This is the right one it is a feeling from within deep that I feel this way. He loves the time we have spent together laughing, enjoying one another's company


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What Girls Said 2

  • His psychologist is full of crap, if you ask me. You two didn't move too fast. I'd think that the problem is more about the fact that he's been through a divorce and he's scared of feeling so strongly about someone and then losing them again. Of course, I don't know the situation as well so ignore me if I'm totally off base.

    You are still trying despite his efforts to push you away which must count for something. He should see that as a strong asset in you to stick to it when things get rough, as they always do from time to time.

    If I were you, I'd set up the weekend to do a mixture of fun and sexy - sports games and romantic dinner - or some similar variety. Wear something HOT (but not slutty, of course) so that his physical needs override his emotional fear after you head home for the night.

    He said that he's not sure if his feelings will run deeper. Tell him that no one is ever sure but you want to take the risk, he's worth the risk.

    Why slow things down and remove intimacy? Unless you just want to be friends, I don't think that's necessary. It doesn't matter if you tip-toe or dive right in - the water is either cold or warm regardless of how long it takes you to get in the pool.

    We wish you the best and keep us posted!

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  • In my opinion...you should have waited longer to have sex...i know people hate hearing this but in you case it's true I believe. but really all you can do right now is just tough it out and go along with it. there are plenty of other ways that you can show love to each other without all the sexual physical stuff. yes it's fun, yes it feels really good...but do you really want to risk ruining your guys' relationship? you don't necessarily have to slow down...that is everyone's excuse for when they aren't sure if they truly love or even have feelings for the person...but just no sex for right now...also do what marisa said...do something romantic with each other..like go to the beach and watch the sunset or something...ALONE!!! take time from work and just go do what you guys love best...except sex! like go hiking, swimming, running, to the beach as I said, or out to eat at a very sexy restaurant...but just try to keep it away from sex..if you guys end up having sex then you guys end up having sex..but really try to keep it from that for now. trust me, if your relationship is meant to be he will wake up and realize that you two are meant to show each other your love for the other intimately. But yeah keep telling us what's going on and stuff and just know we're here for you and to give you advice! even if it is on the computer! :)

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