Why can't people be decent human beings when dating?

I really should give up dating - not that I'm having that much luck these days. When did it get so d**n hard? I'm a very attractive 40+ female and yet I sit alone most weekends. Yes, I am selective but I know what I want. SOOOOO... here's what happened. I met a guy online, younger than me which is generally what I prefer as they are in better shape (though I do worry they'll want children, though I always tell them I DON'T want children). Anyway, this guy was 39. We had been talking for about a week then went out on a date on Friday night. Although I found him to be a bit "buttoned up," since he was attractive (and dates aren't flowing like wine these days) I wanted to give it some time to see if he was just nervous or if that was his demeanor. I was, however, attracted to him. After dinner, we got "very" cozy on a park bench, lots of kissing. I had fully intended to do nothing. I drove him back to his car, but something has happened to my hormones since hitting 40. In the past I waited (sometimes 2/3 MONTHS before fooling around with a guy). But the last two guys I went out with (separated by about 4 months so I'm not having one night stands left and right) I fooled around with on the FIRST date. My libido is through the roof these days - but I am by NO MEANS a girl who sleeps around. I am EXTREMELY particular. I guess I also saw potential relationship material in this guy. He texted me a number of times the next day (INCLUDING when he was BBQing with friends and family the next night) and then on Sunday he texted me several times and then asked me if I wanted to get together. So I never considered he might be bothered (in this day and age) about our sleeping together. It didn't bother me. But a male friend told me on Monday (after I stopped hearing from this guy) that I had "ruined it" because I jumped into bed with him so quick and that he was only looking for one last "hump" on Sunday. I had gotten the impression that he liked me. While I am hot (I will not act like coy about it) I am also SMART, SUCCESSFUL, ROMANTIC, and FUN. I had him laughing. I let him KNOW I was no wallflower. Even though he seemed a bit "stiff" he told me he absolutely could "handle" a girl like me and that his last girlfriend was also a "fiery Italian". But then he disappears? So GUYS (or girls) what the hell? I haven't contacted him, nor do I intend to (though I will admit I feel like saying "thanks for being a smuck and making me feel like a whore.") But then I say, no, that's giving too much away. By saying nothing he'll not know I was hurt.

Thoughts?

Thanks.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There is a little truth in not sleeping with a guy too fast. Guys have to instinctively worry about being tricked into raising a child that is not his. So we tend to marry women that don't sleep with just any guy that comes along. A woman that will have sex with just anyone, is more likely to have sex with just anyone after marriage. A guy needs to know you only sleep with guys you find to be special. This reduces the risk of a woman cheating as often. Even if neither of you could have kids this same instinctive fear exists inside the man.

    I know that the fear of being tricked into raising a child that is not yours is a fear, most women don't even try to understand, but every guy on the planet worries about it at least a little. one out of every 10 guys raising a child, is raising a child he believes to be his, but is not. That may, or may not be the reason he stopped calling. He just might not have been as into you as you thought.

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    • Very true. I accepted the fact that he wasn't into me. What bothers me is that he just dropped off the planet, couldn't even be decent and say it didn't feel right for him. AND there's the fact that he certainly had no problems texting me all weekend. Why text and laugh and act like you like me? Was that - as my male friend said - because he just wanted to come over one last time to play around?

      And about children, he knew I didn't want any. I told him to find someone else if he did.

    • About the children, men still instinctively judge how likely a woman is to cheat if she sleeps with him too quickly. Even if he doesn't understand why he loses interest in a woman, he is still less likely to consider a long term relationship with such a woman. It is a double standard I know, but evolution has kept men away from a serious relationship with this women in the past. We still have those same instincts today.

    • The double standard sucks but I do hear what you're saying. I don't know what got into me. Most men I've kept at arm's length for a while. I really liked this guy too, which makes his not saying anything to me kind of hurt, as though telling me "you aren't worth it." Thanks for the insight.

What Guys Said 5

  • He probably wasn't into you as much as you wanted to think. Some guys are as selective as anyone else thats picky. Maybe he heard something he didn't like or maybe he just didn't connect or feel anything. Some guys will leave like that for other reasons sometimes. Not every situation could be explained by some guy trying to get into your pants. Looks make a guy come to you initially but after you open your mouth anything can happen after that.

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  • He got what he wanted and split. I am truly sorry that happened to you. Guys like that are losers, sometimes we attract people like that don't know why. I am sorry he did that to you.

    Good Luck on your hunting

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    • Sorry it took so long to reply but thank you. I appreciate it.

  • How long has it been since he last contacted you, and have you tried to contact him?

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  • I know the solution to your problem. You have to- HUAGR?! *gets crushed by wall of text*

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  • Hades meant use line breaks next time, that's way too much at once, hurts my eyes...

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What Girls Said 1

  • Shoot him a simple text ask him how his day os going, dont be desperate and call or text multiple times. If he wants to talk to you he will and if he ignores you then we know to move on.

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