What is wrong with girls like me? Why can't we find something besides men to make us happy?

I am cute, hot really, successful, have my own awesome place. Yet I can't seem to find a boyfriend. A serious relationship. I'll admit I have a codependent personality, (I was with my ex for 10 years, and the ex before that 4yrs). But now I'm striving to find happiness on my own terms and not through a relationship. As hard as I try, nothing brings me the joy and satisfaction as when I start dating someone. I am highly against being pushy with men, on the contrary I stay away and expect them to pursue. But I am passive aggressive and a man can just sense the fact that I want a relationship. Is there any hope of feeling happy and content on my own?


0|0
1|8

Most Helpful Guy

  • You really need some therapy. There are REASONS for your co-dependency and your passive-aggressiveness; they are old wounds that have been allowed to fester and were never dealt with, and so they have never healed, and until you finally give them the attention they need, they will continue to hobble you. Therapy will help you discover those wounds, and give you a plan to treat them, so they can finally heal and leave you a whole person again.

    If you don't love, respect, and find joy within YOURSELF, no man will be able to find it in you either. You'll end up with men who have similar problems, and you'll never have any stability or safety in the relationship. Your heart has been poisoned, and until that is washed away, you bring that poison into every relationship you enter.

    But these problems CAN be solved! I'm not saying that it will be easy, and you will likely have to face and accept somethings that you'd rather just ignore and pretend don't exist, and you may have to learn to change how you think about some things (perhaps the hardest thing of all), but you CAN do it if you WANT to and if you WORK at it. Or you can continue on the same path you're on now forever. The choice is yours. Both are actually hard work and come with a measure of struggle and pain, but only one path leads to a reward.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 7

  • Hard to speculate with the little information given, could be many factors. Society still likes to teach that we must be in a relationship to have happiness. There are cultural tradtions that pressure women to be with a man. To free yourself, redefine what is happiness in your context. You CAN be happy without a man, and I'd go as far as to say a bad relationship creates much unhappiness. Live your life, do other things you enjoy, and when the right man comes for you, it will only add to an already fun life.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hello ,first of all the mistake with you. If you ain't happy with yourself ,it just reflects externally. Of course men we are to pursue or else we shall use you. You are not going to find someone now with that kind of thinking. First it needs to be changed. You need to be happy first. And let nobody lie to you ,happiness starts internally and then you rub other peopl externally. There are loads of guys out there who are thinking the same. I would write five pages on how to help you but this is palace where people want quick fix and solutions. If you look in the mirror and say those negative things no wonder this is happening.

    He is there waiting,you just have to gleam you ray of amazing beauy,character,sincerity and hope.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't do girls who want to be chased down. I don't like games personally. The passive aggressiveness is going to be a turn off for people. Being co-dependent well.. some like it some don't. so far there really is only a couple options here XD.. cougar lfie style or the settle down mentality.

    You could have a low self esteem, or something along those lines. I couldn't say what the issue is. I'm not sure anyone could, unless they knew you very well. Not everyone's problems are the same so with that said, every girl has her own issues.

    0|1
    1|0
  • id say no, by the sounds of things. personally id rather have my freedom than be tied down to somebody at this point. trying to get a more solid career and what not.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I like the chase even though I'm never lucky. I would like to get into a serious relationship and the one I want is just not into dating me or anyone else. So sucks.

    Best of luck...hell you live in the new england area :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Have you considered doing some therapy? I think this might be something that a professional would be better able to help you with. Maybe tackling codependency is the best thing you can do.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You just need someone to hear you out, like others are suggesting a therapist. I wouldn't go that far, but you just need to really search your soul for what makes you happy.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 1

  • you're not happy with yourself, and so you hide behind a boyfriend to prove that you are worthwhile. So when you don't have one, you are unable to prove that you are worthwhile and spiral into depression and self-loathing. It's like the others have said, you need to focus on yourself and fix the internal problem before getting into another co-dependent relationship. Interdependence is different from co-dependent. Also, passive aggressive people often do not face the reality of who they really are. You know, " I smile at you but I key your bmw when you're not around." Its not acknowledging who you really are and how that needs to change so that you possess integrity. Integrity is when what's on the inside is reflected in the behavior on the outside.

    good luck!

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...