Seriously need advice with online dating.

Okay, I've been at this online dating this for some time now. I've messaged literally about 25 different girls now. Each message was not a generic "hi there" or something way to complex. usually they were a few lines maybe something witty, and ALWAYS had a touch of something personal from they're profile. They were confident and certainly not coming across like I was trying to hard. I even when to some forums and seriously copy pasted parts of other peoples messages that they claim to have some success with. I obviously always altered it to my liking. But seriously, what gives? Am I too ugly? The few (literally one or 2) girls that have initiated contact with me said my profile was good?

Here is the link to my profile online (I had to add two spaces between the "www" part because It won't let me share links):

www .pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=42582727

Somebody please tell me what I'm doing wrong or what needs to be changed.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • That's the thing with online dating. Girls get hundreds of messages and often a good one gets lost in between. They sometimes simply get fed up and frustrated with all those messages. So it doesn't necessarily reflect your message quality. How do I know? Met my girlfriend online and asked her.

    To your profile: it's not bad. The opening paragraph is a bit odd. Self-protective of failure. That can be a downer. Vulnerability is very important if you want to convey that you are giving this an honest try. What I also noticed is that you are very careful not to exclude anyone. You say you like A, but then instantly tell that you also like B. don't he afraid to stick to your choices. University more important than going out? Say so. You also talk a lot about other (trashy) guys. While you can have your preferences, I would stick to what you like and not what you don't. Simple matter of focusing on the positive and not the negative. And on top of that, talking down to others is an absolute no go for a gentleman. Be a better man through your actions and not by pointing out other peoples failures. Other peoples shortcomings don't show your strengths. You need to be interesting. Not better than others.

    So, here is your task: find all the negative remarks in your profile and replace them with something positive.

    Good luck.

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What Girls Said 3

  • wow, no idea. I think you're attractive and I would go on a date with you. However, girls are in general picky. Maybe you're just not their type. Little things like that can cause them to not message you back, esp. since it's an online dating site where people can really only judge other people's appearances (kinda shallow and vain, I know). Hmm... try to create some banter like dialogues. Maybe that will help?

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    • oh, I didn't notice the about me section on your dating profile til now! I've read it... it's rather blunt and straight to the point. Make it more fun and playful to make you sound more interesting. Because that little blurb makes you sound rather boring. No gals want a square date.

    • oh, and girls hate it when guys say they don't know what to do on a date. Majority of girls don't like indecisiveness! ya gotta re-write that section.

  • I would delete everything negative sounding from your about me section it makes you seem a bit arrogant and a downer.

    And the first date part makes you seem disinterested.

    I'd copy and paste the parts I mean but I think you can figure that out.

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  • Honestly speaking I have no idea. I've taken the time to read your profile and you seem so sweet :) adorable as well. The online dating thing can take some time. Some people don't bother to read long profiles, some are just looking for a hook up deal rather than a real relationship and some times (believe it or not) people get nervous and don't message someone out of a fear of rejection. Many people are on dating sites because they have trouble find a suitable match in other means. This most often leads to low self esteem and confidence. So perhaps some of the women that may have liked your profile just got shy. Also consider the fact that some of the women you've messaged might have been too shy to reply as well.

    I met my boyfriend on an online site. If he hadn't messaged me, I surely wouldn't have had the nerve to message him. This had nothing to do with his attractiveness or his profile in general. I though he was good looking and had a good profile. I was simply shy, even when he messaged me I was nervous to reply.

    Give it some time, and keep in mind sometimes people on those site have come out of bad relationship that make it difficult for them to approach others or feel as if they are good enough of someone. If it doesn't work out, its not a big deal. Try meeting someone through friends.

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What Guys Said 2

  • My constructive criticism:

    it boils down to this: "I'm actually a really genuine and caring guy, I mean I would date me if I was a girl" -- don't flat out say this, demonstrate it through what you say.

    change, the "who knows" in "Maybe you'll get to see that? Who knows." to "...if you play your cards right :P". Don't say you will "likely be going to grad school", say you plan on it and take out the "fingers crossed, it shows that you are uncertain of how to get what you want in life. I would also take out the part where you bash other guys, a guy who is secure in himself does not need to bring others down in order to make himself feel validated. ". At this point I'm ready to find someone I could get along with." -- so what does this mean? To someone, this might read as "so what kind of people are you getting into relationships with? Does he argue a lot? or is he just not socially savvy to where he can find anyone that he can get along with?" The 3rd picture from the left makes you look like the odd-one-out, which doesn't help you. Do you have another you can replace it with? Same goes for the one all the way to the right (it seems like everyone else is in a group and you're kind of straggling trying to get in the group). Also, do you have any pictures without your family in it -- family is not bad, but maybe put some up there with friends (cant tell if second from the right is friends). Also, using contractions in text actually helps demonstrate a "playful" feel. In person, not using them can work to your advantage but sometimes in text, it makes one seem too serious. Also, I have a feeling that many are drawn away immediately based on the first two opening sentences -- and PLEASE, don't put " I guess it couldn't hurt my chances" -- so what are you saying with this? That you can't find a girl in person? That's how it'll read. Maybe put something along the lines of "you being too busy to go out to the bar every week, or wanting to expand your social circle, etc." I'd take this out: "Alright, this is getting long, and you've likely already formulated an impression," instead of "message me if you'd like" -- take out the "if you'd like". I'd also take this out"Ps. I like girls who smile in their photos. I don’t know if everyone feels this way but I find it very cold and detached when people have 10 photos and blank faces.. Gotta smile more ladies! It makes you more approachable." You can decide whether to talk to them or not if they aren't smiling in their photos, by writing this, you seem to sort of be judging them which isn't good. "At this point I don't really care. As long as its interesting" Don't put that you don't care -- this makes it seem like you want them to choose what to do (which might be okay, but in the long run this will not go good). Put something in there about a passion of yours and why you're passionate about it.

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  • Be a playful a**hole. It gets results.

    My favorite opening line:

    "Are you a girl?"

    It works best when you send it to the hotter girls. They get pissed off or are so shocked because every other guy is fawning over how "hot" they are.

    Learn that the number one thing you can do to get better with girls online is drag down their self-esteem a couple of notches. Girls are messaged like crazy online. Be a bit of a pain in the ass. You'll get noticed.

    Boring/average guy gets nowhere. Trust me, been there, done that. Don't be that "average" guy that chicks laugh at.

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    • Fair enough.

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    • Haha I should report you for that but it was too hilarious. I liked the visual of "kicking out a pedestal" not just taking her down from it.

    • Girls who do online dating have OUTRAGEOUS egos. As a man who hasn't gotten much attention form girls in return, the power is completely in their favor until you level the playing field. Casual insults, teasing, not taking her seriously, etc. are the tools you'll need to get responses. Kill your inner "nice guy" and watch the results come pouring in.

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