Follow on to how do I stop getting involved with uses?

Please see my question on how to stop getting involved with uses that way you can see where this question is going.

Just before the start of this guy staying away for two weeks I had a nasty case of the flu which landed me in hospital overnight, He took me to hospital and stayed with me to 4 am. Then he had to leave and go and get some sleep. When I was discharged about 10am he came and picked me up and took me back to my place.

He then left and went back to his place.

This is when he started to stay away for two weeks, he himself had developed the flu and didn,t want to come up because he was sick, sounds very reasonable but he remained to stay away for a further week.

During that time I rung him a couple of times to apoligise for being needy, He said that everything was fine but remained distant.

In the mean time I was a wreck and very unmotivated, all I could do was think of the times he called me slut, whore and while we were in bed. He never called me these things outside of the bedroom. In fact he was always very nice but a tad selfish at times.

For some reason I seemed to start feeling better and I am starting to reverse the situation abit, like only Facebook messaging him occasionally, I don't want to here his voice as it might make me weak again. I Facebooked him and said these words ... I care about you and I am your friend but I am not these things 1. a slut - I do not sleep around 2, a whore - I don't get paid, most importantly I am not a booty call, I have to much dignity for that. Then I said I am your friend and you are special to me. Was this the right thing to say?

I then decided to give him the outlook that I'm fine and all is going very well for my daughter and me. I wanted him to see that I'm strong and his lack of presence doesn't affect me although it was really. This message was sent a few days after the above message.

Then he rang me last night to say he had some mail to bring around and he would bring it around today to that I said I wasn't going to be home to after 2pm, I was really at home but I just ignored him when he came knocking after 2pm. You see I'm just starting to feel stronger and I'm not ready to see him yet, I do want to see him but I'm just not ready.

Now finally the question is my heart and gut instinct are torn in different directions my heart wants to see him but my instinct keeps warning me to be careful and if he wants back not to be such a easy target for him, make him work for what he wants, show me more respect I will slowly let him back if he doesn't show me respect then back off.

How exactly do I handle this when he does show up do I act cool and aloof? or like a friend only warm but no physical come on? He needs to be shown that he needs to treat me better but I don't quite know how to go about this what do I do? Words do

not work but maybe actions will but what actions?


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What Guys Said 1

  • You lied --- the 2pm thing. This is not a Good Thing.

    You're going to manipulate (how do I act?), yourself first, then him.

    That's two strikes.

    My advice? Tell him to find someone who is honest.

    OK, I'll read your question about 'how to stop getting involved with uses?'

    I suspect you meant 'users.'

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    • Um...don't interact with 'uses?'

      It appears that you're doing the very thing you wish to avoid.

    • the problem with me is I am to honest and to open but I really struggle with confrontation of people.

      I read an article where it said to make a guy work for it, I thought that was what I was doing but obviously I'm going the wrong way about it. you see I hide from situations then stand up for myself, I guess your right I should be honest and stand up for myself instead of playing games I should explain honestly how I feel.

    • I reread your question. It gave me a totally different view:

      said these words ... I care about you and I am your friend but I am not these things 1. a slut - I do not sleep around 2, a whore - I don't get paid, most importantly I am not a booty call, I have to much dignity for that. Then I said I am your friend and you are special to me.

      PERFECT!

      The 2pm incident: good strategy. You're testing yourself, getting stronger. Beautiful!

      See? A 180-degree turnabout. :-)

      Keep in touch?

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