I'm afraid my interest would offend women. Girls, what DO you find offensive?

I've usually had trouble showing interest in girls, but fear of rejection really hasn't played a part in it.

I've more often felt that girls get creeped out, annoyed, or offended by male interest. I hear, more than anything, girls talking about how guys are jerks for liking girls' looks, or having a high libido.

It makes my interest feel as though it would be perceived as slimy and/or creepy. As though girls are so easily offended that you're walking on eggshells before you say something that is taken in an offensive light.

-Take my case back in 2010. I flirtatiously told a friend of mine that she had an adorable smile and a strong will. The next day, I was shoved against a wall and yelled at, received death threats, and was reported to campus security.

The girls later named me suspect in stalking and predatory behavior, and named me as a possible suspect in breaking into someone's apartment. Luckily, security worked with me and helped clear things up.

-Next, take the case of Rebecca Watson in Dublin, where a man asked if she would be interested in hanging out at his apartment. She said "no". He said "Okay" and the conversation ended.

When she got back, she described the situation as misogynistic, hateful, and devaluing of her as a person. Was it awkward? Perhaps. But hateful seems far-fetched.

So basically, I'm afraid that a simple, well-intended show of interest is just bound to be misconstrued as predatory, creepy, and inappropriate. Is this a rational fear, or a phobia?

Furthermore:

Girls, what exactly DOES offend you, specifically. And what DOESN'T offend you? What is a way of making sure I'm safe when showing interest?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • i think creepy is a phrase girls use to describe guys they are just not physically attracted to

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What Girls Said 2

  • I'm probably going to get downvoted by the dozens of guys on here who agree with you, but here's the thing. When women "overreact" to male interest (and it's not as common as you'd think), it's not because they're "offended" that you're interested in them. It's fear, it's the power dynamic, it's being fed up with not being able to just walk down the street without someone commenting on your looks, it's a guard to "put them in their place" after being so tired of them trying to put us in ours with intimidation. Rebecca Watson was alone with the guy in an elevator when that happened. I would have been scared as hell too.

    Guys are afraid of being rejected. We're afraid of getting sexually assaulted. Call them both irrational but I personally refuse to feel bad that I'm a little bit afraid of guys after I'm cat-called about once a week, I've had men grope me on the subway, and I've been a victim of attempted rape by someone I thought was the nicest guy I'd ever met. Why call US "crazy" instead of blaming the guys who do those kind of things?

    Anyway. If you take those factors into account, really try to place yourself in our shoes, and then reformulate your "approach" strategy to be as considerate, non-aggressive, and humanizing as possible, like a decent human being, there's about a 0.0001% chance anything bad is going to happen to you.

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    • I don't want to get too heavy in the debate about the rebecca watson incident, but I will say this: She had every right to be scared or uncomfortable. But remember that he didn't actually anything wrong, so there was no "woman-hating" going on.

      You think this somehow justifies being assaulted for telling a girl she had a cute smile? Under the assumption that I was being aggressive and predatory? This line of thinking is what allowed the rumor to spread in the first place.

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    • Well, thank you very much for your understanding.

      I would love to be direct about straight-up asking about the boundaries as well. But the moment I ask "what is your stance on sex" or something like that, the creepiness has already started. She's turning my question into uncomfortable pressure on her.

      It's funny you mention that, too. Because this same girl dumped me because I didn't "just go for it", and at the same time, told me I was sex-obsessed because I talked about sex when she asked.

    • it gets very frustrating on how girls have to be so paranoid like this

  • Most girls don't get easily offended for no reason. There is a disconnect between what you say you're doing, and what you're really doing. Sorry but being reported twice in 2 separate occasions with 2 different women says the problem lies in YOUR behavior, not the perception of girls'. I could do a poll with 10 guys I know and not one of them would say they've ever been reported to campus police or accused of predatory behavior.

    If your interest is forceful and threatening, I find that offensive. Men who ignore social cues and press the issue when it's clear they are unwanted are offensive to me. I am the type to let you know how I feel, unless I feel you may be a crazy ass ticking time bomb that I don't want to set off.

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    • I suppose you don't know who Rebecca Watson is, or the fact that I've never been to Dublin in my life. Reread the post.

What Guys Said 2

  • i wouldent worry about what girls think how and what you like about them .. girls are just stupid they just don't understand attraction because they don't have desires for guys ... its them girls who need to grow up and stop thinking they are the center of the universe... I don't talk to girls and id recommend stearing clear of them also ... hope this helps you out

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  • Girls only get "creeped out" when the man pursuing them isn't attractive.

    Girls only get "offended" when the man showing interest isn't attractive.

    Start acting like you're better than them and you'll get them pursuing you.

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