Excuses or fact?...The meaning behind the girl I am dating saying all she can be is friends at this point?

dating this woman for a month, she was doing all the pursuing, especially in the start, always sincere texts or phone calls the entire time including to the very end. Great chemistry we went boating, baseball games, "hung out" at her place 3 or 4 times, I met her at my gym so we worked out together, etc. I decided to kiss her a month in and take it to the next level as things had progressed and it was well recieved by her. I knew there was other guys as their was other girls for me but casual on both parts, basic dating, but we never talked about it. She had made many remarks about me showing her growing affection and feeling's for me when one day she got injured and I spent the day in the hospital with her which was grueling, but after we got to her place she wanted me to stay and told me how much she really liked me and I was winning her over? She had to go for work the next day to another state and I didn't hear from her for a week, even thought the trip was only 2 days? I don't chase so I figured the next move was in her court but I had to text one week later to see why in the world she hadn't contacted me for a week after talking, texting etc multiple times a day for past 5weeks? 1st red flag. She texted back stating I complained about being with her in the hospital and made her feel miserable so all she could be was friends now? 2nd and 3rd red flag. I replied with if it bothered you so much why hadn't you said anything and/or contacted me sooner why I had to contact her? After we resolved it and she apologized and I explained to her that I had developed a lot of feelings and either at this point wanted to know if this was going anywhere and that I wanted a relationship not just be hang out buddy's with intimate fooling around. I then got the you are everything I want I am just so damaged from my Ex I am not ready to be in a relationship 'right now" I can be just friends? Red flag. Really then why did we kiss and be intimate, no full on sex, a week prior and you were great with it? so she wasn't really that into me? actions align with words? and why say "right now" is that because girls like to keep guys in the wings? since there was intinacy I thought she saw me as a lover not a friend so is there hope to get out of firends zone? or by stating my feelings and wanting to take it to the next level caused her to play that card? I feel girls use that as an excuse? I will not conatct her but saw her this week at the gym which sucks its already very ackward, and I did not give her a reply of any sorts about being a friend 2 days ago when this all went down? It did not seem like she plays games she was always very sincere with me but to go from seeing each other everydayand being intimate 2 weeks ago, the best week we had as it had built up to that, to not speaking for a week to this? I will date the other girls but really want this one. She apoligzed by text 2 times already for not being able to be 100% that I deserve soneone who can? really?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I would just move on if I were you. Clearly her ex is still in the picture or if he is out of the picture, she isn't over him yet. It could be that she is just not ready to be in a committed relationship. Perhaps her prior one was damaging and she is scared to get into it 100% with you - I can tell she doesn't know what she wants right now. I think she does like you but she has a lot of garbage to clean up right now.

    I would continue to be cordial to her, maybe even be friendly with her. She might wake up one day and realize you are the one for her. Then again, she might not. In any case, you work out at the same gym so having tension around is not good for both of you. You should definitely continue dating other people - who knows you might find someone new! Of course, once this gal clears her head - she might come running after you again. I don't get the sense she is purposely manipulating you - she is just a head case at this time of her life - give her room and get on with yours.


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What Girls Said 1

  • I also think you should move on, she obviously doesn't appreciate all the things you have done for her, and the fact that she slept with you and kissed you knowing that she hasn't prepared for a relationship she probably has done this with other man.

    She should of told you from the start that she wasn't looking for a Boyfriend just a friend.


What Guys Said 1

  • I think it's time for you to move on. Waiting around will only make it worse. Though I am pretty sure if you try hard enough you could get the girl, she obviously was attracted to you and has feelings, but the way she's playing hot and cold means she's either gaming you or she clearly doesn't know what she wants. My money says the ex isn't completely out of the picture and is still messing with her head.

    If it were me I'd move on and let her see you're moving on. Keep it friendly with her but don't keep trying to get her. Date other girls. Maybe you'll meet someone better, maybe she'll finally figure out she want's to be with you. At that point the ball will be in your court.

    • Hey thanks and I truly believe the ex isn't out of the pix yet either. He lives in the state she went to work in so I am assuming something happened while she was there with him for her to go cold so sudden and no contact for a week?either way this isn't a situation I want to be in! I'm not into games but if she tries to play friends through texting do you ignore her or be polite and explain I don't have any interest in being friends? I would like be with her but not when she's not 100%

    • Ignoring her will just make you look bad, I would just be honest and say, "Look I really like you, so there's no way I can 'just' be friends, I understand you don't know what you want yet, but I can't stick around and wait till you figure it out, so I hope you find what your looking for in life because I have to do the same..." or something to that extent.