How do I ask him to stop talking to me without sounding like a child?

I like a guy at work and he has really led me on, for reasons beyond my understanding. We are both 30 and have a pretty serious job (in a law firm). After weeks of flirting he finally asked me out and I was really happy we were moving forward since obviously I liked him, tremendously. But that was only to come the next day and have my intern happily confide in me that he had finally asked her for her number + a date (I knew she had a crush on him, never in a million years did I think she'd be his type). My blood was boiling. I don't need advice on what to do. I'm done with him. He knows I know about them and I'm sure he can tell I'm hurt. My problem is even though I ignore him, he continues to try to talk to me. I don't feel like being friendly to him, I don't feel like speaking to him AT ALL. Unfortunatelly, I have to see him all day long. Surprisingly we don't need to speak! (I have my cases, he has his). I want to tell him to just stop speaking to me (very doable, reapeat- it's a busy place, no one will notice, because we don't have to interact and everyone minds their own bussiness there). I just don't want to sound childish, regret it and end up with my ego further bruised. Any ideas how to tell him?

Thank you so much. You are right on. Good insight! The girl in me still looks at her and thinks "You phony!". She was not oblivious to the fact we had something going on. She always knew but she never acknowledged it. By playing naive she allowed herself a chance. That is a fine strategy (not one that will win you many friends though!). Now I have to tolerate her condescending tone and gestures towards me "Hey! -insert hug- Are you ok?" It's very hurtful.


Most Helpful Girl

  • no. this doesn't warrant a sexual harassment charge, as some have suggested, because initially you were fully on board. And there is no way you can maturely tell someone in a professional setting, "Please don't talk to me, I really liked you, but you hurt my feelings by asking me and my intern out." He may even start spreading rumors that you're the whiny gal that liked him so much you had have a dramatic one on one relationship talk. No, don't sabotage your career.

    No, this is a time for you to put on the real professional wax. Answer him curtly, short answers, yes/no and I don't know answers. Be professional, don't get vindictive with him or jealous and petty with your intern. Its time to be a professional. Put your feelings aside and do your job. Get your anger and hurt out on your own time. Take a kickboxing or boxing class, yoga, cry a little, call a few names. But at work, button it up.

    These things happened. So he was a deutsche. At least you know now before 3 mos into a relationship and he's also sleeping with your intern and the receptionist. he will eventually get that you don't want a conversation when you don't make any with him and provide him short yes no answers.

    good luck!

    • (-read my update first, was meant for you-) I personally can not stand seeing another human beeing been humilliated, even if they are my enemy! I was nothing but good to this girl and she rubs this in my face. Very, very hurtful. And him? Actually liking her? What a disappointment. He sees this happening and because I keep my distance he thinks she is good and I'm bitter. No matter what facade I wear she always wins. I feel I'm beating on a dead horse. But hey... awesome answer.

    • if she asks in a condescending tone, how are you, just use the same tone with her, "and how are you?" Then laugh and ask crisp and professionally, seriously XX are you okay? You sound funny. Then move on to other things. She and He will eventually get that you have moved on. By the way, I fail to see how she wins when she got the guy trying to screw around w/two women at the same time. I will bet, $ to donuts he's sleeping with more than just the intern.

What Guys Said 4

  • Just tell him to stop or you will file a sexual harassment complaint - can't get more adult than that.

  • Just give him obvious signs you don't want to talk to him and he should get the hint. Ignore him, say I'm busy whatever needs to be done.

    • Thanks. I have been doing that, no good morning, no eye contact, get out of lounge when he walks in (zero interaction). He still walks to where I'm standing/sitting and tries to start a conversation as if nothing happened. I look at him with a "f&^% u, what do you think you're doing" evil stare and he gives me a smile (half filtratious, half cynical). I can't stand how heartless he is. He thinks I'll eventually give in. I want to show him I mean bussiness.

    • As the others said, threats of sexual harassment may get the desired effect, depends on your whole situation though I suppose. He seems like an ass if he smiles at you, so you may just need to confront him in a quiet area and tell him you don't want anything more to do with him.

  • Two words are all you need Sexual Harassment

  • You won't sound like a child, be honest and direct with him.


What Girls Said 2

  • you could say you don't desire to talk to him and if he talks to you again you will report to your boss.