Why did my boyfriend get so upset at me?

today me and my boyfriend were laying in bed and somehow I ended up confessing that I lied to him about drinking with my best friend the night she was depressed after a break up when I thought I was pregnant in February. I told him that about a month or so after that I had a miscarriage through my period and I felt like a horrible person because I obviously WAS pregnant and drinking might have caused me to miscarry.

he asked "is that the month that you broke up with me a lot ?" and I said "yeah.." and he said "that doesn't make sense. why would you push me away and break up with me at a time when you needed me the most? why would you lie to me? you made a promise that day that you wouldn't drink because you thought you could be pregnant? how could you be so selfish? that baby could have lived and been born with fetal alcohol syndrome just because you wanted to get drunk with your friend. I hate your friend. she's stupid! I don't want you to hang out with her anymore!" and I said "idk..i was scared you wouldn't want the baby or that you'd leave me because my friend said that's what guys do. I really didn't want to drink with her and she pressured me into it because she was crying and was upset that her boyfriend broke her heart. you know how controlling she can be. she told me I was most likely not pregnant and that I haven't even taken a test and it was too early for the baby to even be anything yet."

then he started getting really mad and he said "wow. you know that really pisses me off because your friend doesn't even know me. I'm not like that. I can't believe she would tell you to drink when you think you could have been pregnant! you obviously were because you had a miscarriage! that's terrible! that baby died because of you! I'm so upset with you right now."

and I felt really bad and there was a long silence. he said "Well..there's no use in getting all mad. it already happened. I'm just upset that you damaged another life just because your friend wanted you to get drunk with them."

the weird thing that I don't understand is.. my boyfriend tells me all the time that he doesn't really want kids. he's kinda wishy washy about it. we'll be out and about and he'll see a little baby and smile and say "aww look! look at how cute that little baby is" and then there's other times when I'll be like "Aren't babies just adorable?" and he'll say "babies are gross. I don't want kids" and then another time he'll say "when we have kids I'm gonna be super protective of our daughter if we end up having one."

so I guess I'm just confused...why did he get all mad? you'd think a guy would be happy if that happend because then he wouldn't have to be a dad? right?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, he obviously has some things to work out before he commits to being a dad.

    But he's right about this situation involving you and this "friend."

    You drinking when you're potentially pregnant is way off base. I'm not going to scold you because there's no point in it, but you know better otherwise you wouldn't have hid from him that you had done so.

    As far as your justification (guys DON'T always leave a pregnant girlfriend by the way), that is what is really the issue.

    If your friend says those sorts of things about guys, and then you go along with her reasoning to assist in making an even worse decision, while you are in a relationship with a guy, how can you say you're ready for relationships with guys?

    That's the part that absolutely makes no sense.

    When guys make negative remarks about women, generalizing about them, we're told we can't be ready for a relationship with women, and ultimately said guy is going to have trouble getting into a relationship with women who are made aware of his views.

    But for some reason, some women have it in their minds that they can do the same things and still participate in a relationship with men.

    Double standard much? I always suggest people clean out their own houses before trying to make suggestions about another's.

    You need to make a decision. Do you want to grow into the relationship you have with this man, or do you want to sit around cursing men with your supposed friend who was perfectly fine with watching you drink a baby to death, literally?

    To me the decision is obvious.

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    • do you think it sounds like he wanted the baby?

    • No, as I said his inconsistency on that issue means that he didn't necessarily know what he wanted.

      But that doesn't excuse you drinking while pregnant.

What Guys Said 3

  • I don't think he should have gotten that mad, it's weird.

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  • First, you're both a pair of ignorant twits.

    A night of drinking CAN NOT cause a miscarriage, and it's not going to cause a child to be born with FAS. Do you have any idea how many women binge drink while pregnant, before they realize that they're carrying a baby? Now, doing it on a REGULAR basis (research indicates 5+ drinks a week) is obviously going to severely increase the chances, but over one night? Chances are impossibly small.

    So whatever happened to your baby, you can stop guilting yourself and letting your boyfriend guilt you over it, because it wasn't your fault. Your baby didn't die because of you.

    However, the fact that you THOUGHT you might harm your baby by that one night of drinking and you did it ANYWAY kind of says fairly sh*tty things about you as a person, so you CAN feel guilty about that.

    And your friend isn't even a factor, here. You make your own choices, and you could easily have told your friend "Look, I'll sit here while you drink, and listen to you talk, but I'm pregnant, and I'm not going to drink, and if you ask me to drink again, I'm leaving", but you didn't. Stop pushing the blame for your own actions on other people.

    Oh, and in the future, remember that taking RELATIONSHIP ADVICE from a woman who's just been through a bad breakup is a very, very, very BAD idea.

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    • And I'd say that in spite of his inconsistency, the words "when we have kids" means that he ultimately expected children to be a result of your relationship. Maybe not as soon as this, but in the future. And if he was just getting used to the idea when you told him you miscarried, it's expected for him to get upset over it.

  • You obviously don't know your boyfriend well at all.

    That's probably a good sign that you guys shouldn't be together.

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