So I just turned 17 and I've never been on a date (sounds super pathetic I know I'm just very shy) and there is this guy who I really only talk to via text and internet from my school. He is really nice and I don't want to be one of those "friend zoning" girls people always talk about but he used to have a thing for my best friend and she liked him for a while too so it's kinda weird. I also think it's going to be awkward because we haven't talked in person very much. I'm afraid I'm just going to end up playing a character the whole time which is what I do when I'm nervous since I'm into acting,I just play a character who is confident but that would be kinda fake of me. I know he likes me so I want to give him a chance but if I just can't feel the same way about him and I don't want to have led him on. any advice?
Most Helpful Guy
Not pathetic. At least not as pathetic as me. I never went on any dates in high school.
I will give you advice from two different perspectives:
First there's the humanitarian perspective. Teenage boys are very impressionable, especially if they don't have much dating experience (you didn't mention if that was the case or not so I will assume the worst case, which is that it is). As such, you have the power to completely destroy his confidence for years to come, or to empower him.
I'm not going to tell you to avoid acting, but you need to be fully responsible for it if you do...and aware that the guy will never believe you were acting. Even if you later tell him you were, he won't believe it. You could be giving the most fake half-hearted performance imaginable, but it will be completely real to him. As such, you need to have some idea how the performance might end before you even start it. The worst thing you can do is create a character, and then stop playing it when you realize you can't act it anymore.
The other thing is that sometimes friend zoning a guy is actually the most humane thing you can do. It's certainly much preferable to letting things spin out-of-control where you feel that you are constantly lying to him, and have to suddenly one day break his little heart into itsy bitsy pieces. Been there, done that. Take the friend zone any day over that.
The second perspective is for yourself. Giving him a chance is probably a good thing for you. This can certainly be a positive experience for you. You could have a great first date and just end up friends in the end, but you still get to keep the experience. As I mentioned, some people didn't even get to date at all in high school. And the other thing is that it's not a bad thing when feelings develop slowly over time. That's also a good experience to have. If you know the story of Romeo & Juliet, then you know that when feelings develop too quickly, it can often lead to tragedy.
The final tiny bit of wisdom I have is that you need much more than feelings to keep a relationship going anyway.0