Obviously we live in a world where divorces and failed relationships have become common place. As a result many people have cast those institutions aside altogether in favor of FWB's and ONS's.
One of the factors that I think contributes to this fact, is that people have lost the ability to ascertain whether or not the object of their affection is truly compatible with them, or even that someone they don't necessarily desire at the moment would be a good match. Time and time again, I see people get into relationships that clearly were doomed from the start because the two people were so polar opposites.
I was talking about this with my dad the other day, and ironically, the next day, a user on GaG asked me how to tell if a person is compatible with them. This really got me thinking. A lot of this probably has to do with our passage into the digital age. The internet and cell phones have changed the dynamic of dating and as a result people have lost the social skills required to analyze a person or at the very least interact with them in such as way as to ask the right questions and uncover important information. We simply send flirty texts with smiley faces all day and develop our relationships off of that (ok maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration but you get my point).
I've always prided myself on my ability to read and understand people (hence the reason I'm on this site), but even still, a big turning point for me was when I tried online dating a few years back. After filling out questionnaires on sites like okcupid and eharmony, which is some were can be quite exhaustive, I had a much better idea of the types of questions I should be asking myself when determining if my partner is compatible.
So what do you guys think? Have we lost the ability to asses relationship compatibility? Or is there something else going on here?
- Yes, we've lost our ability to asses compatibility38% (8)38% (5)38% (13)Vote
- No, we still know how to judge compatibility19% (4)46% (6)29% (10)Vote
- I'm not sure, show me the answers anyway43% (9)16% (2)33% (11)Vote
Most Helpful Guy
It might have something to do with that, but that's only part of it. There are other things that factor into the equation.
1. We live in an instant-gratification society. Use it until you're bored with it and throw it away and get something new. Unfortunately, a lot of people carry this same attitude over to relationships. They probably don't even realize that they're doing it, but ignorance doesn't change anything.
2. People can't distinguish reality from fantasy where relationships are concerned, because they don't understand them. They're expecting the fantasy that they've seen in movies and TV, which almost always centers on the feelings you get from the hormones that are released during the "newness" stage of a relationship, and so they're not satisfied when reality sinks in. Media almost never addresses the "reality" stage, because it's not fun and exciting and interesting. It's comfortable, and that makes for sh*tty drama.
They assume that the newness stage of the relationship IS the relationship, and so when that ends, they assume the relationship must be a failure.
3. Directly caused by point #2, moving between relationships has become common enough that people began to perceive it as the norm. It's now ~expected~ (and reinforced by entertainment media) that a person will go through relationship after relationship in order to find the permanent fantasy fulfillment, which never actually happens.
4. The result of point #3 is often enlightenment in the form of settlement. After moving through relationship after relationship, and often at least one divorce, people give up on the fantasy and decide to settle for reality.0