I'm 18 and still have never had a real, intimate relationship with a guy I love. What's wrong with me?

So I'm 18 and although I've had a few boyfriends when I was much younger, they were pseudo relationships where we didn't even talk, only texted. I've never kissed, hugged, cuddled, etc. with any guy. I'm what most people call a "straightedge kid" - I don't drink, smoke, take drugs or have sex.

I'm not butt ugly but not drop dead gorgeous either. I have plenty of friends (but I don't go out that much. I'm an introvert - albeit a very loud one when I'm with my friends) so it can't be cus I'm disgustingly hideous or that I have a crappy personality. I was best friends with the popular kids in high school but I wasn't popular myself (people knew me nevertheless, but not to the extent that my other friends had when it comes to popularity). I get fairly good grades so I'm not daft (although I'm not a mastermind either). I'm a thrill seeker/adrenaline junkie, I love travelling and reading and I'd rather stay at home than go out any day. I absolutely despise shopping but I do wear make-up, get my hair done, wear nice clothes, etc so I'm neither a tomboy nor a girlie girl. I'm not the world's biggest social butterfly, nor am I a wallflower but I don't attend parties all that much - if at all - unless they're my friends'.

I see all these female friends on Facebook who aren't necessarily amazingly physically attractive but they have such wonderful relationships with great guys (and they're extremely good-looking and nice and smart). Sadly all these guys went to a different school than I did. I know them through mutual friends (I used to go to the same school as some of their friends back in elementary school). The guys who went to my school were party animals and despite being hot, they just weren't what I look for in a guy. Plus they were THE biggest show-offs ever.

I'm drawn to smart (but not pedantic, pretentious, pseudo-intellectuals), kind, funny (but who are able to be serious when appropriate) guys who I personally find attractive (he doesn't have to be good-looking to anyone else but me) but also guys who aren't *that* sociable or always sleeping around with girls. Since I've never even kissed, it's such a turn-off when a guy has had sex with almost every other girl.

I don't get it - why am I not meeting the guys I'm looking for? I know my standards aren't too high generally but they are in relation to the men in this current day and age. Is there anything wrong with me? Guys have never come up to me to talk to me or anything, yet it happens to every other girl. I'm going to uni soon and I'm afraid I'll always be alone. I mean, I know I can get a really boring, smelly, lazy guy who doesn't care about anything and who I don't find physically attractive, but I don't want to compromise. Somehow I'm just SO unlucky in this department and I just want your opinions on why this is so. Maybe state some possibilities that you have observed or experienced with others who were/are in the same boat as I am? Many thanks in advance! :) x


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The most attractive men who are the best with women generally aren't in a hurry to be in a relationship because we can get more sex without relationships than your average, boring guy. You don't like average or boring. You want above average and also attractive. You're only average looking by your own admission. That's why you're only dating average, boring guys. When you shoot outside of your league, you lose the game, which is why you aren't having success. Your standards are too high compared to what you bring to the table.

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    • That's the thing. I don't date and have never dated anyone...

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    • Find one of the areas you're willing to compromise on. It could be looks, it could be intelligence. You listed a very specifically tailored man to WHAT YOU WANT. When you expect so many things, you'll be disappointed more often than not. You shut people down before you give them a chance.

      For example:

      You want smart but not pedantic? Dear, I know a lot of smart people. As a group, we are more pedantic than most people in some ways.

    • You have a pre-conceived notion as to what the perfect man is for you. Unless you plan on dating late 20's guys, you're not likely to find intellectuals who also happen to be hot to you, and refuse to go to bars and clubs. That is hilariously unrealistic. It is about what you want, not what the average guy is like. It is called a reality check. You need to decide if you want to stay single or not. If you want to be with a man, you need to compromise.

What Guys Said 4

  • You seem, read and sound more intelligent then those 'children' around you. You either have to change where you are looking to meet men and me lower one of your less must have's. Most men in your age range are looking for one night stands, FWB and whatnot, not many are looking to settle down and get married or go steady. Times have changed and that is one of the changes that I am not for.

    Stop basing thoughts and feelings on social media like FB as you only see what they want you to and as it is a form of media, there is a lot of hypocrisy and lying going on, plus media sensationalizes things like big chests, easy girls, and weight and crap like that.

    Be you be happy and worry not, you will find the person for you, just stop stressing and trying so hard. Look in places where you would expect to meet intellectual people and thrill seekers.

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    • Well, thank you :) And I'm not completely basing my thoughts/feelings on FB. The people on there are only the people I know in real life and it's an actual, true portrayal of their real lives and relationships. FB just shoves all these lovey-dovey couples in my face at home even more. It's such a relief to know the reason I'm single is not because there's anything wrong with me. I'll keep on searching, though. Thanks! :)

  • You're 18. This is not the end of the world, more like the start of your dating life. Many guys get intimidated at your age about "hitting on" the attractive, smart girls or the funny ones, but sometimes that just means you have to wait a little longer and work a little harder to seem accessible.

    Sometimes a girl will give off a vibe that she is in a relationship, or that she is unapproachable. It doesn't last if you make interpersonal relationships with people and show your fun side.

    Everyone goes through a dating dry-spell at some point. Be happy yours is early and think about what kind of first impression you give guys. It's only temporary.

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    • Yeah, I've noticed that guys my age are immature and not what I look for in a partner anyway. I guess I'll try to open up to people more. Thanks for the input! :)

    • Not surprising - guys don't stop growing physically until they are 21, but growing emotionally takes a little longer. I'm 30 and still waiting to act like an adult.

    • But that's a good thing too. Women are just so austere and motherly most of the time. If men were too the world would be a hellhole. I guess we just need to find an equilibrium where there's the right amount of maturity/seriousness and humor/playfulness in every relationship and even in every individual.

  • Nothing's wrong, keep trying...

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  • I have never dated either

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What Girls Said 3

  • Girl nothing is wrong with you, I'm about to be 20 and still in the same situation. I've come to the conclusion that I can't just sit here waiting around for my prince charming. I am just going to go out there have fun, study my ass off and be the best person I can be. I truly believe once I find solace in myself then that special guy will show up out of the blue.

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  • You're only 18, you have standards and you're not typical ... that's the reason why.

    It's easier for run-of-the-mill people to find a special someone, because there are more of us. Neither is good or bad, just a law of averages, really. The most typical will be the most common ... being the most common means there are more people to match up with. But being a big outside of the norm just means finding your special someone takes more time. Dont' sweat it. Start trying to meet more guys when you go to uni -- there is a larger, more diverse pool to choose from. Also, be open to guys who may not "spark" you as unique enough right away. Some people seem to be pretty normal until you get to know their innermost quirks.

    I had a friend like you, by the way ... she met a few guys in college and only did more than kiss one other guy before she met her husband as a 21 year old virgin. She DID have to loosen up and start approaching more people and going to places she wouldn't normally go. She actually met a professor at a jock party, as he happened to play soccer, but was really an intellectual. They are head over heels and perfect for each other!

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    • Wow that's an amazing story! You're right, I guess I have to come out of my shell once in a while. Who knows? I might meet a professor at a jock party too ;) Anyway, thank you SO much :) You've really opened my eyes - the guy I'm looking for could be anywhere!

    • Good luck :D

  • There's nothing wrong with you. You're only 18. It seems when you aren't looking for a guy that's when you'll find a great one. Just focus on your studies and the important things in your life. Having a boyfriend shouldn't be a top priority, it'll happen when it happens. I'm 26 and I've been single for 2 yrs. I've dated a couple guys who all seemed to waste my time. I don't think about it much and just move forward in my life and enjoy it.

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    • Wow thanks so much :) You're right, I shouldn't stress too much. I'm just afraid I'm doing something wrong that's putting off potentially GREAT guys. But yeah, I'm only 18 and I have far more important things to worry about other than guys :)

    • Exactly ;) you're a smart girl and a great guy is bound to come your way

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