Why Do Guys "Run" (Pull away/withdraw) From A Girl/Potential Relationship?

I was seeing this guy, & he completely did the "running for the hills" when things started to get a little more serious I guess I can say. We were seeing each other about about a month but had hung out before. After a month of seeing each other I started hearing a lot from his friends about how much he liked me, that they had never seen him this happy before, that all he talked about was me & how much he liked me. They said he doesn't take girls on dates, he doesn't even date/he is oblivious to girls and for him to be spending so much time and taking me out was big. He writes music and plays the bass. He asked me to come over while him and his cousin were playing around with his music and playing. I guess he is really hard on himself about his music, so wanting me to hear him play was HUGE according to his friends. They said he only plays for close friends and don't even know if he ever played for his ex. And if he wanted my opinion that was even bigger... (he had a 6 year relationship previously, but I don't think it was a very good one...I think that is why he may have commitment issues...I never asked tho). On his birthday we were with his friend having a drink and were planning on going to meet our friend, who is also his cousin, at a party. He went into this whole thing about how he didn't want to go out, that he wasn't going, he just wanted to stay in with me and he didn't care about seeing his friends, etc. I convinced him to go for half an hour since his friend was with us and we couldn't just ditch him. At the party I was his "girlfriend"-this had never come up before. His cousin and I were talking to him and asking how his birthday was and he said he woke up and was a little freaked out that morning because he feels like he wants/needs to get his "sh*t" together-work, money, living, etc. life in general. When we left I casually brought up where we were because I knew he was a little scared about getting his life together and if I was part of that where were we-I thought it was fair to ask. He went into this whole thing about how he could love me, that maybe he does love me. But that scares him because we hadn't been seeing each other for long. He said he was also scared because he has never wanted to spend time with a girl over friends, he has never missed anyone while out but he always misses me when we aren't together. I tried to make him feel comfortable & told him I really liked him too & tried to make him feel comfortable about us. That night he kept telling me to never leave him & he was so scared I would & that would hurt him so much. I said I wasn't going anywhere. He kept saying I love you, don't leave me. The next day he was distant so I asked why he said "I'm sorry if I lead you on, but I don't want anything serious during the summer". I said he needed to get it together & let him go. Its been 2 months & kinda talked. But my question is what makes guys pull away or run if they have feelings like that? What do you do next? I told him I missed him...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If he went through a bad break up in the past & was deeply hurt/ affected by it he most likely realized how much he liked you & the thought of reliving what happened before scared him off. That's the only thing that makes sense



    If you still want to be with him just give him some time to think things out on his own & he'll probably come around. How long? Who knows, maybe he never will. I guess it depends on how much time you are willing to invest on him. It would be selfish of him to expect you to put your life on hold but all you can do is reassure him, let him know you miss him. Just don't try & get him jealous with another guy as a lot of women seem to think works, it won't.

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    • Yeah...I may have pulled the try and maybe make him jealous card when he asked what I had been up to and I said just work and school and I have been hanging out with some guys I know from work. But when I told him I missed him I said I was sorry for saying that because they never mattered compared to him...I'm not sure. Ha. Thank you.

What Guys Said 6

  • Immaturity and a fear of commitment. He probably has a past that includes either a bad break-up or a broken family if he is scared of a real relationship. Some guys feel they are not worthy of love because of insecurities, and are genuinely reluctant to make something serious of a potentially healthy relationship in case it fails.

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  • paragraphs

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  • probably scared of committment, didn't want a relationship at the time

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  • Why? Afraid of commitment.

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  • I do it because it works in making the girl chase me back. If a guy is always chasing the girl, it comes off as needy and you're likely to get dumped. The relationship has a much better chance of lasting if the girl wants the guy more than the other way around. That's why guys that are overly nice are often dumped for guys that are significantly less nice. As a man, treating a girl with too much respect or communication is a sure way to reduce her attraction to you.

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    • I told him I liked him & missed him when not there, but wanted him to know at the same time I wasn't taking anything away from him but going anywhere When he reached out 3 weeks ago there was small talk& I asked him over-it was fine. I realized we can't just be friends & last week I told him I miss him and still have feelings for him. If what you say is true, why hasn't he responded to that then? I was prob not as open with my feelings before because he was scared already & didn't want to scare him more

  • I am personally scared of girls

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