My boyfriend had sex with his ex the night we broke up; he didn't tell me until after we got back together?

I love my boyfriend very much and we broke up for 5 days anyway the day we broke up his ex girlfriend called him for a ride and he went to her house and had sex with her.He told me a month after we made up.I feel stupid and I can't seem to get over it I don't know what to do he didn't cheta but I feel he showed no respect for me by having sex with her just hours after we broke up.She is friends with some of his friends while most of his friends hate her.Is this something to forgive or do you think I should just walk away from it.I love him so much but when I look at him now that's all I think about is him having sex with her.

  • Work it out with him
    24% (9)43% (13)32% (22)Vote
  • Leave him because he may still hook up with her
    50% (19)27% (8)40% (27)Vote
  • Leave and forget it
    26% (10)30% (9)28% (19)Vote
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Updates:
I just found out his best friend since they were 3 years old is getting married to her best friend so there is going to be plenty of times when him and his ex will see each other I don't think I can work this out it sucks but if she wants him back she has help from her best friend and his. :(

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you don't have trust in a relationship, then you are missing the important benefit of being in a relationship, which is the feeling of security. I think that you should take things very slow with your boyfriend until you are over this and feel that he can be trusted again. Easily accepting that he cheated and forgiving him could be to the detriment of him losing respect for you, because it may make you appear gullible or have low self worth. Look out for yourself first by slowing things down to take precautionary measures to avoid being hurt again.

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What Guys Said 13

  • Technically, he didn't cheat, but if he is capable of having sex just hours after he broke up with you, it says that his feelings for you wee not that deep. Also, he told you one month later for one of two possible reasons: either he told you because he felt guilty (meaning he told you so you can feel worse but he can feel better) or he is hoping that you will break up with him so that he need not feel guilty about hurting you (twisted logic, I know.)

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  • He didn't cheat, but it didn't take him long. Meaning he probably had her on his mind even while he was with you.

    If I broke up my girlfriend and that very same night, she slept with an ex then she probably was never really over him and had him on her mind more often than not. I would cut all ties with her and not look back.

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  • Oh! My! God! (Janice reference)

    Have you seen Friends (the TV series)? This guy is exactly like Ross Geller and the famous quote "We were on a break". I have nothing to say to help your situation, but I'm currently watching the series and reading this was a great coincidence.

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  • Um... you two were broken up, and he was probably feeling emotionally down.

    He didn't cheat! Be sensible.

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  • Better to work it out with him if it's a problem for you. But you were broken up, so ya... but it is stupid for a guy to jump right to someone that fast.. but it might be him trying to deal with grief then? I dunno. I don't think I'd be able to forgive a girl if she did that though... it does seem disrespectful and ya... immature.

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  • Leave him cause things aren't going get any better.

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  • why you broke up?

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  • Honestly, If you can't let it go I say drop him. Its like if we went back just to bang her, then you don't have to guess that he'll do it again.

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  • When guys break up, their instincts are to bang some random girl to feel better.

    How's your sex life?

    What I'm wondering was if this was a 'we're done I'm finding someone else' or a 'well, i'm free now i can bang ____ who i've been wanting to'

    I. e. was she just an available option when single, or is he kind of missing something they had?

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  • Depending on how you broke up would determine why he went to the extreme of having sex with his ex. Some people just want to be loved, so they will be in a relationship constantly. If you broke up with him, then im assuming you lost his respect. However, this sounds like more of a highschool relationship but based on the age of your friends being "married" he just needs to grow up. I voted to work it out, but with age in mind I think you can find someone else just fine. Your "boyfriend" is just looking for the physical type of relationship with girls for obvious reasons. With no respect for personality and whats on the inside I could imagine there's no trust nor respect.

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  • he's being utterly ridiculous.

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  • will it? I wouldn't be so trusting of him anymore.

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  • Well he didn't exactly cheat, but it just shows you how he deals with things...

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What Girls Said 16

  • I've often witnessed people criticize others for things they themselves are guilty of. It's a deflection mechanism. Sorta like, "If someone else is guilty of 'xyz' then I'm not as bad." A way of bringing others down to their level so they can feel better about themselves. Men do this often since their egos rarely let them admit to fault. (Not saying some women don't do it too though.)

    Don't give into it. There's no reason for you to feel about since you haven't done anything.

    The last thing my ex said to me was I was "the bad guy", yet I didn't do anything wrong. I kissed his a$$ for 4 months loving him all the while he was lying to his girlfriend about me. After he said this I realized he had created this little delusion so he could sleep at night but it wasn't true in the slightest. It just proves how low he is and how much better off I am w/o him.

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  • in the infamous words of queen elsa, i would let it go.

    put simply, you don't trust him enough not to cheat on you with this girl. and, secondly, he disrespected you~ sure, he didn't cheat, but he wasn't honest with you if he had to wait until after you guys had made up to tell you about what happened... what a coward.

    a relationship will not work without 2 key things: trust and respect. and, from the sounds of things, this one is missing both. hit the road, sister, before you end up in a world of pain.

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  • From this day forward, as long as he shows Proof in your own sweet pudding, tha the can Be trusted and is not going back for second helpings with the ghost from his past, then Work it out in your own head, to put this to bed And... Forgive and try hard to Forget.
    It is You whom he is back in the saddle with now. And as difficult as it is to try and put this behind you, Annie, do not get your guns until you would see a smoking gun that he is riding bareback with her again.
    Good luck. xx

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  • He sounds emotionally and verbally abusive. You don't have to put up with it. Yes, he is playing mind games. Get out unless you want this type of things to continue.

    He will blow up at you then act super nice and things will be find for a while, then he'll blow up again, cheat on you etc etc...

    I hope you get wise before you suffer too much.

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  • You broke up for 5 days? Lol and he got straight with her the day you guys broke up? What are you in high school?
    Leave him, he obviously had the hook up in mind before hand

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  • If you find it hard to forgive hime then just tell him that and say you don't think you should be together while you're still upset over it. Tell him you need time to forgive and once you forgive him you guys can work it out. Or instead of breaking up tell him how you feel and work on it from there. What he did was completely wrong. It's not going to be easy to forgive. What he did showed no respect for you or your relationship. I wouldn't consider the ex a threat though, he just needed something easy but that does not excuse him from his actions.

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  • Dump his ass.

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  • He is projecting his guilt on you. A classic cowardly/ douchey move.

    Don't fall for it. Don't argue with him. Just dump his ass.

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  • Maybe he just needed that to drown his sorrows, or he is still in love with her. You need to talk to him about it.

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  • He showed he doesn't much love you

    I can't be with someone sexually if my heart is with someone else.I couldn't let it go if I was you. I would walk sway

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  • Well he did not cheat. You broke up. So The ex is always the old toy. And in genereal ex bitches is the easiest way to get a vagina support so, don't freak out about her. She has beeing used. If you love him, tell him that this will never happens again, If it does is gonna be the worse act of his life because He is going to loose you ;)

    Hope you be fine

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    • "ex bitches is the easiest way to get a vagina support"

      What kind of sentence is that? lol

  • you need to let him go "for now" tel him you have to let him go b.c of what he did and you need time for YOU no text,no calls, no Facebook no communication if he calls keep it short hey I'm fine then I have to go OK bye. That's it! If he loves you HE WILL COME BACK TO YOU AND SAY HOW HE REALLY FEELS AND WHY HE DID WHAT HE DID!

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  • matters of the heart are crazy

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  • what a dick

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  • He never made an effort that you'll be okay instead he's having fun after your breakup and had sex with his ex! What an a**hole! If you're important to him he will do anything to make you alright.

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  • If you really believe that there is still some chemistry between them it would be best to talk it out with him and let him know you don't feel comfortable with it. If he continues to show any hesitation or any feelings towards her, walk away.

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