I feel like I'm giving more than I'm getting...what to do?

I'm a very giving and supportive girlfriend, but I feel like my boyfriend just isn't the same. I feel like our relationship is very one sided, and that it's always me "cheering" him on, or helping him to become who he wants to be, but when I just got a HUGE job offer, he was barely excited and focused more on himself.

i was really upset, and before that day I had been explaining how I felt about our relationship being one sided. he always argues with me saying it's not, and I just can't "win" so I end up giving up.

i feel like it's draining me, and with my new career I need to focus my attention on that, but at the same time I love him and I still want to make sure he makes all a's in the new master's program he's in.

how do I detach myself? I feel like I'm only giving, and not receiving a lot of anything in return...what can I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I was gonna side with you 100% until I read that he is in a master's program.

    I'll start off by saying that I graduated from the most rigorous master's program in my state 2 years ago. There was a total of 19 students in the program and by the end, 14 of us were on anti-depressants. Master programs are tough...theyre physically and mentally draining, and its hard to balance that with a personal life.

    However, I'm still on your side. I honestly believe that when it comes to a relationship in which you love each other, each other comes first. If you're in a mature, long term relationship, you should be at the top of his priority list. He shouldve been thrilled and absolutely excited for you about your job offer...I know I wouldve been. In reality, that affects him too because if you have a future together, your career is going to be just as important as his.

    The fact that this is very one sided here is not the problem. The real problem is that he's ignoring your concern with it. For a relationship to work, you guys have to be legitimately concerned with each others' problems and should feel the need to fix it. It seems that's not a priority to him.

    The way things are now, I don't see you being happy in this relationship...short term or long term. Yes, his masters program is harsh, but he still needs to make you happy...and you need to make him. Perhaps you should ask him how he feels about the relationship. Tell him you're not happy with him right now and things need to change.

    The other option is to play the "eye for an eye" game. Stop being so concerned about him and his success and focus on your new career. I know its easier said than done, but you just have to move yourself towards it. However, I would just talk honestly with him, and don't give up because you can't win. Its simple...give him an ultimatum and you'll win either way. He'll shape up and start to care about you and your life again or he'll leave, giving you the chance to find somebody who actually cares about you.

    Hopefully it works out. Good luck.

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What Guys Said 1

  • If you feel that way, then you back off a bit, let him come to you.

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What Girls Said 1

  • If you feel this way now, imagine after he's done with his master and he still haven't got a 'huge job offer" while you are already established by then. This is my personal observation from my own experience and from my friends' sharing, girls are naturally supportive of our man. However, as we are now equals to men in general and gaining success just as fast or faster, we want the same support given to us. My advice, focus on your career. My girlfriend said, that's the one thing we are certain about and can control - how successful we are at work. How to make a guy love us more or love us in return, that's beyond our control. Another girlfriend said, "Rattle the cage." Tell him straight what you need and stop 'spoiling' him. You can continue to love and trust him (I did that for 7 years) until it comes to a point you get tired. You've tried talking to him and he got defensive. So, focus on your career. It helps. He might realize later how it feels to get less support or none at all from the one he loves.

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