His plans don't seem to include me & I wouldn't be on this website if I weren't ready to give up.

#1. What Does it mean if a guy, over 40, who you've dated for over 2 years says he isn't sure he wants to get married?

#2. What should I do here? I've been dating a guy for 2 years , we are over 40, he doesn't want to get married..I guess. Yet he wants to remain in the relationship & tells me he does not want to see anyone else, that he isn't trying to date anyone else either he claims we need to ..."work on things" as he often puts it. We live thousands of miles apart & when he comes here to visit me , he does not discuss any plan to get geographically closer nor does he mention our future together.

He was here again after not seeing me for a year, after almost losing me when I decided to quit waiting for him to commit or want to marry me. He told me that he could change his mind about wanting to marry me , that he can't understand why he doesn't want to marry me. He claims he hasn't dated much & isn't sure..that I have much more experience having been married before and dated before.

#3 What does the man think of a woman who remains in this type of relationship., Does he think I love him or is he taking advantage of me intentionally?

#4 About 4 months ago I suggested to him , seriously and rather strongly (not Bluffing) that we should end our relationship because I want a husband and a commitment and he does not truly seem to want that. His response was " You know I don't want this relationship to end". I love you but I am not sure that I want to marry you.

Okay. I am not nearly perfect but I will tell you that I have remained faithful as in no sex & little contact with other men while in a distance relationship with my current boyfriend..he and I talk everyday...about everything. He did just come visit me but I feel that he is still looking for something better. I am the best that he will find in this world. I have been there for him, constant & even when he strayed away with someone he met online I told him I loved him and wanted to continue our relationship.

Now he still seems uncertain. After completing Tech school he accepted a job hours from his family and even further from me..

he lives alone in a one br apt. by choice constantly buying nick nacks and getting furniture from friends to make his place a home.

I am hurt but also a little bothered by the fact that his plans don't seem to include me & I wouldn't be on this website if I weren't ready to give up.

Mostly I don't understand how he won't let me go when it looks as if he doesn't want to commit to me as a husband. I have a daughter who deserves a real father in her life. He comes here, seems to care about her . Treats us great and stays in my home,in my bed. Then gets to the airport and begins to act distant .

His life seems to revolve around his friends , most of whom are married or in relationships themselves.

I don't want to be too lengthy with this. Just trying to better understand what is going on with our relationship.

Thank You :)

Updates:
I just can't believe there are actually men (and women) who gain the trust of people they lost, tell them they love them but still choose to live their lives seperate and are unable to committ.

I don't suppose my relationship can be salvaged and it breaks my heart because I will continue to love him. If you are in a relationship with someone who loves you and you know you love them. Imagine your life without that person. Be honest enough with them to tell them and don't waste their precious time.
btw/ Virginia is far from Wisconsin but not thousands of miles away. my mistake


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Most Helpful Guy

  • i actually wanted to answer you seriously, but then I saw you "live thousands of miles apart."

    get yourself together, lady. find a new one. end of story.

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    • Thank you for being so quick to respond & I appreciate you being candid too. It may appear an easy answer to everyonelse considering the distance but there are worse things than distance to deal with . I've remained hopeful and faithful but my heart tells me maybe its time to move on. Thanks again.

    • there are worse things, but here's the reality;

      it's not SO bad if you live apart when you start dating. but after 2 years and you're STILL apart, it starts to smell.

      plus, why would you want to get married anyway? you don't even know the guy well. you think talking over phone/mail is enough to get to know him? you're wrong. try live with him for half a year+ and you'll see what he's really like.

      realize it; you are his pen pal which he bangs here and there.

    • remember - it doesn't matter what someone says, the only thing that's important is his behavior.

      so don't listen to people too much, watch them.

What Guys Said 1

  • 1. Might be a big deal for him.

    2. Wait more I guess, but he should make a move soon I suppose.

    3.I think that he knows you care about him.

    4. Once again, this might be a big deal for him.

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    • Thanks! I believe it could be a big deal for him but by 40 I think a man should know when a great , loving , considerate, funny, compassionate..did I say funny:D woman has come into his life. She should not be suggesting marriage. He should be asking her! a year ago! lol

      I know its love, this has been to challenging to be infatuation! lol Still trying to be considerate but I believe he thinks he has an ace in the hole with me . He knows me, knows my level of faithfulness, my track record..

What Girls Said 1

  • 1. Either he doesn't want to be married to you or anyone fullstop or he doesn't know if he's ready for marriage or doesn't know if he wants to marry you.

    Because of Q2. you'd have to ask him what his intentions of staying with you are, what are his ideals? Does he want to stay with you and never get married because he just doesn't like being married? Find out his reasons.

    3. Advantage

    4. He's full of sh*t. Sorry.

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    • Really sorry if that was harsh but it's really not going anywhere. He's taking you for granted and he honestly doesn't care, he is also not making an effort, not even a decent one. He shouldn't be with someone like you - someone who is so commited. This relationship is too one-sided.

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    • Shock him with how you leave, "be the one that got away". :P If he can do that to you, why not do what's best for you and also in a way that stings him at the same time. 'She left just like that?'

      I've never regretted leaving a person after they've already left me emotionally. The first time it took years, the next time I was a lot smarter. I left him in a nice way and we cut contact quickly and it was over and done with, no hard feelings. Sometimes the idiots will chase you, sometimes the less

    • of an idiot won't. (We're not talking about good guys here anyway) No matter what they do, how they react, it's always best that we leave them because they're not ready for commitments. :) It will always be better for us, even if we are single.

      Trust me, it's a good move and you will feel happier. You will be content because of who you are, not because of what someone makes you. You're you and you've got great character. Be loyal to someone who is loyal. Look out for what you deserve. :]

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