What should I do about that ex, do I stay a friend to her, or stop any contact, just don't know?

Long story short, I had been in a relationship with a girl, whom I did fell for. It was one of my serious relationships, When you don't meet people like that that often and fall that hard. Well she broke up with me telling m that she was going to marry another guy after 2 months of knowing that guy (because I was not ready, and it was a time for her to start a family). And telling me that she loved him. For a half of the year I was in a pretty bad shape, and I met a different girl, and started to forget about that ex. But that ex showed up telling me that they split, and wanted to chat with me, etc. Telling me that she really liked to talk to me.

And I started to think about where it might end, as I don't wanna be somebody's plan B. And about the girls that ex really is different from other girls, beautiful. But the girl whom I am dating is different in terms of character, in many ways. Therefore I am puzzled, what should I do about that ex, do I stay a friend to her, or stop any contact, just don't know?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Looks like you are not ready for relationships in general.. You need get into, what I call "The Intent Mode" of finding how who the "Real" you is, or the "Real" you that you want to become and work on that; once you become that person, everything else will come to you. Right now you are living on the "survival mode" in other words you are not putting too much thought of why you have needs and why you pursuit to fulfill those needs. Below I provide you with two quotes for digestion (contemplate on):

    "God/Destiny will lead you to your needs, if you have distorted needs you shall live in distortion (gadnyny)."

    "Find clarity and understanding and search for courage to apply it - that is true wisdom (gadnynj)"

    Well truth be told most people come with luggage in order to avoid that one almost has to have a PHD in psychology. Mainly, my suggestion to you is to find "YOU" and then have the courage (self esteem) to be able to "Put your cards on the table" when and only when a acquaintance moves from a simple platonic friendship into something more. If the person accepts your terms, great, if not, end the romance and move along to find a more compatible person. In this area I suggest you read up on the nature of men and women. One last thing; nothing in life is guaranteed.

    People in our social order have "the right to change their minds" just as you have that right. In difficult compromises either a person is willing to accept the terms (though that does mean that their nature can handle it; they might to compromise out of fear of losing the companionship out of emotional or financial need), or not accept the terms that you put on the table. Of course everything I say goes both ways.

    Here is the thing; in all reality only you can make happy, and on the other side of the relationship; the only way a partner is happy is if that person is able to make him or herself happy. Relationships are formed for companionship not so that one person makes the other person happy. Sure; individual can choose to do a little something here and there to bring happiness, but no individual should expect happiness to be had by the hand of another person. These are unrealistic expectations. Maturity my dear, maturity. Read up on becoming mature; but do take your time. Finally, my last advice: "Never be too good for your own self; that is self destructive." Good luck.

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What Girls Said 4

  • You can be a friend, though in my opinion she doesn't even deserve that. Being a girl, I know when we are crushed we revert back to the things that made us feel safe. And you make her feel safe, but she will use you, and given the chance, she would probably leave you again. And that pain doesn't get any easier. You need the life you have now, and she needs to be told no, it's the only way she'll ever have a chance to figure out what she wants. You can give her that chance, because we need to hit rock bottom before we can ever get back out, let her hit rock bottom.

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    • thanks for your advice, my girls - friends did tell me to stop any contact with her. not being friends with her. guys were a bit different in there advice.

    • Not surprising, why do you think they made this site? We think differently. ;)

  • Stop contact. You are her fallback plan. She dumped you and cast you aside for another man so why even give her the time of day? And now she wants to come crawling back because that other guy didn't work out? No thank you, you deserve better than that. Stick with this new girl, she may be something really special. Tell your ex you have someone else now and are just not interested in becoming her back up plan. So what if she's beautiful, beauty is only skin deep, she sounds like age has some real issues aside from that.

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  • i wouldn't be friends with her no offense you got a girl dating who you are attracted to in some way and you are in a relationship that will follow your terms

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  • Tough one. I think be her limited friend. Act friendly, but keep communication limited. Don't hang out or anything like that.

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What Guys Said 4

  • It really depends on the specifics of breakup. If - ONLY if - you feel that the ex is manipulative and betrayed your feelings, you might consider the following:

    Be nice to the ex - she is definitely a friends with benefits potential, until you are exclusive with the other girl or if you split up.

    Just friend zone your ex and ask her for all sorts of advice with this other girl.

    Chances are she will try to use sex to get back with you.

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  • That ex dropped you for another dude on the drop of a dime!

    Don't keep in touch with her.

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  • DO NOT stay friends with her. I've made that mistake a couple times, thinking I knew how to handle it, but, the best way to handle it is to cease all contact...

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  • Stay friends with her? You should just move on and never ever look back.

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