Is it possible to have both passion and comfort in a relationship?

I've been distant friends with this guy for awhile (we never really hung out one on one, so that's why I say distant). He's always been really nice and funny, I've always thought he was a great guy. About a month ago we started dating and I find that there's not too much of a spark (no butterflies) with him, no passion, I don't find myself wanting him. And even when we get physical, I don't feel too turned on by him...sometimes I'm even turned off by the way he touches or kisses me. But I've gotten to know him much more and I have a lot of fun with him, he's easy to talk to and I feel really comfortable with him (and I'm very shy so it's difficult for me to find someone I can talk to freely).

The annoying thing is the guy I was with before him I was extremely attracted too and passionate about but I had trouble connecting with him. I get nervous around him and I can't think or speak.

Is it possible to have both passion and comfort in a relationship?

And I feel I should I end things with the guy I'm currently with. Should I? It feels strange to stay in a relationship with someone who seems more like a friend. And how can I do it with out hurting him and still preserving our friendship, which I think has grown tremendously since we began dating, and I'd like it to continue to do so?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes, that's when you know you have the right one. Being comfortable around the one your passionate about. You just want to be with them all the time. That's when you fall in love with them but it's so hard to find, & some people will end up settling through frustration, loneliness etc cause they never do find that one person they just click with on all levels. Or they do, Ć’uck it up & alas! their next relationship is a year with GAG.

    I suggest if you don't feel that spark, don't stay because your just settling, all the while you'll be missing opportunities to find the one you are meant to be with. Or if you do, you're going to crush this guy & the friendship.

    All you can do is be totally honest with him, it's hard, he's going to be hurt but if he's any kind of friend he'll respect you for it down the road.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I would say that it is not possible to have both passion and comfort, in the extremes in a relationship - if by passion you require that stuttering insecurity and feeling of danger.

    It is perfectly possible to have passion and comfort in a relationship if by that mean the kind of passion that is more the result of experience, trust and dependency.

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  • I don't know.

    I'm not sure if its -not- possible, or if its hard to find, or if its hard to be passionate when there's comfort, or if its that you have to be compatible in more ways for it to work. Maybe most of us are really compatible in some ways, and 'compatible enough' in others?

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  • It depends what you what for your life. Dating should be about getting to know someone and deciding of they have the potential to be your LIFE partner. so to me you guys are off to a good start. This passion people talk about doesn't last forever what does last is friend. look at it this way the initial feeling we have for people we don't know is not love, its infatuation or lust. If you guys are comfortable and grow may be we can call that love later. Anyway, if you know you are always going to be thinking the grass maybe greener at the other side please leave him.

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  • Is it possible to have both passion and comfort in a relationship? Yes

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What Girls Said 2

  • Passion vs. Comfort. Can you have both?

    In my opinion it depends on your gender with it being generally no for gals and yes for guys.

    And I feel I should I end things with the guy I'm currently with. Should I?

    Probably best suited to decide on whether you want passion or comfort. If you seek passion then end things with him and if you seek comfort then remain thinking about other guys and project them on the guy you're with.

    And how can I do it with out hurting him and still preserving our friendship, which I think has grown tremendously since we began dating, and I'd like it to continue to do so?

    Probably by becoming unappealing enough to have him break up with you that way he likely doesn't feel hurt since he was the one to end it.

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  • If you don't feel that way about him, then you should let him know. The longer you keep on dating him and leading him on...thinking that you feel the same way, the harder it will be for him later and the more you will look bad in the end.

    It's hard to try to keep a friendship with someone who have feelings for you. Maybe time will help or maybe he will just get over it. You won't know until you tell him.

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