Do guys have the most unrealistic expectations online?

I've recently tried online dating because I don't get approached in person and I'm VERY shy around guys I like, but an outgoing person in general. In terms of looks I know I'm not drop dead gorgeous, but guys have said (guy friends I made online) to evaluate my looks and they say facially I'm a 8 or 7 and overall solid 7 or 7.5. So I'm not terrible loooking I think. So when I talked to this guy today and after I sent my picture he logs of chat and never hear from him again. This has happened quite a few times to guys that say they "want a relationship" on that POF site. However guys that are looking for "nothing serious or dating" just want to bang me basically and I am getting naked photos. I don't know what to do, this is making me really confused and depressed.

I'm 21 never dated, never kissed etc. maybe because of my traditional Indian upbringing in the U.S. but still all my Indian girlfriends are dating aren't virgins and that's the accept norm.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all, I'm going to be brutally honest and say that being indian does really limit you. Most non indian guys aren't attracted to nor want to get involved with indian girls for fear or strange or over the top family values that might interfere with the relationship.

    That aside, online dating isn't all its cracked up to be. Take it from someone who used it for a year and dated a girl I met online. People online are far more shallow than in RL because they can be.

    First of all, when people are given all kinds of attributes and search terms, of course people are going to input the parameters of their ideal partner. Not just what they would be willing to accept. That is the problem with any dating site that has an open search function. This is precisely why sites like eharmony pick matches for you and have no search function. You may be passing up someone who is a perfect match for you all because they were an inch to short and you filtered them out in your search.

    Also, online dating makes attractive people more attractive, and everyone else less attractive. It's all relative. Its like window shopping for a date. While you may be attractive, of course the guys are going to message the perfect 10 girl who's picture is right next to yours in the search list. It again goes back to the first point I made. When people are given a lot of choices at their figure tips, they automatically go for the top choices, not the above average ones. In real life, less than perfect choices are sometimes thursted upon you and you realize how good of a fit they are, when in reality you probably wouldn't have given them the time of day just seeing their profile on an online dating site.

    Online dating is a viable way to date, and many people now use it alone side of RL dating to help increase their odds. However, its not some dating machine that can find even undesirables dates in a matter of days. The same rules of dating apply so its no easier than in RL. I suggest you continue to use online dating, but just don't put too much emphasis on it or think its going to be your magic pill to fix your dating woes. Also, I suggest you try and use paid sites to weed out the people who aren't serious and just want to send you pictures of their d*** to see if you'll f*** them. Even better would be to try a site like eharmony that matches people based on your personality test (which is quite exhaustive) and only give you a few choices based on that at a time. As opposed to letting you scan through their entire database.

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What Guys Said 5

  • I think chatting away before seeing pics is almost a waste of time. Whether you're reasonably attractive or not, if you're not someone's type, its not happening.

    I've heard of much better success on paid dating sites then free ones.

    I notice your 'overall' score is worse then your 'face' score. Overweight?

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    • yeah I am a bit overweight but not like obese or anything :S/

  • I think when looking online, it's more of a 'needle in the haystack' type of experience.

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  • LOL what expectations? There is basically only one universal expectation no matter where and how a guy looks --> physical attractiveness.

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  • Your best bet is trying to overcome your shyness because that is more fruitful (and more likely to happen) than finding someone good online.

    Let's pretend - just pretend you're married, you have children, and what if they ask how did you met?

    You gonna say: "I followed him on twitter and he commented to my pic on Facebook"

    ..so romantic!

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  • its hard to find a guy online when you have no experience

    so I would suggest you to try getting to know someone offline

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What Girls Said 4

  • I have had a POF for 2 years now. I keep it because I work a lot and live in a small town. 99% of the men on there are weird, way too picky, want a supermodel, just wanna bang, or are creeps...or not attractive.

    In 2 years, I have met one man who I fell for. Needless to say he didn't fall for me...and that's what all my questions on this damn site are about, hahahaha. But he is now in a serious relationship with a girl he met on there, who he asked if I thought was cute one day...:(

    So yeah, its not a good experience its weird.

    And I am total opposite from you...I am no angel, not a virgin, a little older and experienced and its still the same for me.

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  • I tend to find that dating sites can sometimes turn into hooking up sites. Guys go on there to see what girls they can meet up and have sex with and rarely find "the one" on there. I've seen it happen. My advice is to go out and date in person. You have a better chance of finding someone better and real. Gl

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  • yea, seems like online expectations are 10x what a guy or gal would realistically settle for IRL.

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  • at your age don't date online... it is extremely dangerous for someone that has never dated before.

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