Is he "just not that into me"..what's his deal?

I met this guy about a month ago that I really like. I felt like I had a good connection with him right away. Now before anyone gets all poetic and tells me that true love waits and all this other bull..realize that I have been in several long term (4+ year) relationships where I NEVER felt this kind of strong connection. I am done messing around and am actually looking for the real deal. That is why I am here..seeking your help to let me know what the EFFF is going on. Thank you very much.

The situations:

1.He is always the one to write me or call me first. Seems very caring..sent me a card in the mail to my address, (No guy EVER did that for me before) for helping him look over his resume so he could get an additional job.

2. He will say he misses me or can't wait to see me...yet he is always out to dinner with his father. (him and his father weren't close at one point and spend a lot of time together..the dad is a recovering alcoholic or something) He knows I am not gonna drive to him late at night during the week because I have work the next day.

He lives 40 min away.

3. He mentions his ex a lot. Said they broke up in Jan but I found the dad's Facebook and saw a pic clearly labeled 4/25/12 my birthday dinner and there was a pic of the guy and his ex there. I also saw another picture from nov 2011 and it said I missed my son so much didn't see him for 20 months..he is too smart and handsome to not succeed..hang in there son. Where did this guy go for 20 months? a rehab or something? Says he isn't into drugs..he doesn't even smoke..so I am wondering where he disappeared to for 20 months? His uncle also commented on that pic saying seeing it made him cry and he has to help him regain these lost years. WTF? I can't say I found it..but I did. It isn't really my business I just like to know what I'm am getting myself into.

4. I saw a picture of him at a club with friends. The friend labeled the pic great night at bridge view...me and (my guy) passed out in my car after till 9 am. (doesn't this guy have work in the am?

5. I noticed he texts me from 12:45 on every day...i never asked but he told me it was because his manager watches him like a hawk...then how is he able to text me after that? Does he really work? He has an apartment..but it is kind of on the shady side & how was he passed out in the car till 9 am on a Tuesday? He doesn't know I know this either..

6. He is constantly saying he wishes he got to see me more, and misses me and we have so much in common...so why aren't you making an extreme effort? Whenever I get sick of waiting for him to do dinner with his dad (the guys apartment has no kitchen) I make plans with a friend and he gets upset and says damn I wish we got to hangout. so why the hell aren't u? Stop wasting my time. Men what in the world is going on here?!?!?!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • First of all, don't get yourself buried in Facebook. That will ruin even the best relationship. You should calm it down a bit, stay away from Facebook snooping (unsubscribe from him status updates if you have to. It will make stalking less tempting.) He's obviously a new person in your life-- can you imagine he he laid all his demons out on the table on your first or second date?! You'd be mortified! Likewise, if you just told some guy you went out with all your life stories and secrets, how off-putting that would be.

    If he's into you, he'll divulge his business in good time. Don't judge before you know the full story. But, don't also be taken for a sucker. Just, treat it like getting to know any other person. Maybe he is a jerk. Maybe he's the best thing to walk into your life. Either way, don't jump to conclusions based on Facebook stalking. Base your conclusions on his character from him, what you observe first hand, and what he tells you about his past.

    Honestly, to me, it sounds like he JUST got out of a serious relationship. It might be too soon for him to jump into another one. But, that's my opinion ;)

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    • Thank you! You are 100% right. Facebook does ruin everything. I felt something different with him and was extremely excited about it. I am not going to let "reading into things" (literally haha) ruin a chance at something great. If he starts getting shady or things don't add up that HE says..that is another story. Thanks for all of your help, I really appreciate it! =)

What Guys Said 1

  • What's going on is that we've got an overanalyzing snooper. Why do you like this guy? If you had a "good connection" with him you wouldn't have all of these concerns. So why do you like him?...

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    • Well most girls do look at stuff like that (at least that I know or have ever known)...i like him because we have a lot in common he makes me feel good about myself..and he is different (so far) than most guys I have been with.

What Girls Said 1

  • Sweet words doesn't mean anything. Actions speak louder than words and you are holding onto those words in hope that he will become and be the person you want him to be. People do not change and words mean nothing.

    You sound like the type of girl that needs to know what she is getting into, I hear you and I am the same. There is something amiss here and you know it. It's time to move on unless he makes his intentions clear and puts his actions into words, otherwise you will potentially get very hurt.

    This one is not the " real deal "... Be patient, a guy that wants the same thing as you do will come along and you will not be confused by his actions. When you are confused or second guessing someone, it usually means they do not feel the same as you do.

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